I'm getting the fanny gallops for a man 16 years older than me

[Fannygallopswtf]

What on earth is going on.

I met him at work not long after I started there a few months ago. We hit it off straight away. He's on a different team, but I find myself finding excuses to talk to him and involve him in projects.

BUT.

He's not physically attractive at all. I normally go for younger men. He's obviously much older than me. A bit overweight. A smoker. Basically the opposite of everything I would usually find attractive physically in a man.

But!!

I've just spent all evening texting him after we spent the full day travelling together for work today (a situation which was shamelessly engineered by the two of us so we could spend some time alone together) and I'm getting the serious fanny gallops over him??

Wtf is going on and am I right in thinking it would be a terrible idea to pursue this?

I only read your post because you said fanny gallops and I've never heard that before 😂 anyway having read it now I think people who have a type usually don't understand how attraction actually works, its nonsense to narrow the field and leads to over analysing about the wrong and right types, as your post shows! Go for it and have fun!

Crazy story but after years alone and having only had heterosexual relationships before, I decided to do a dating site and chat to a woman. (I was bi-curious). I had an idea to really give the first person who messaged me a chance and not think about whether we had things in common, appearance preferences, suitability etc. I thought, whatever happens I'll give it a chance. She was the kind of person I wouldn't even look at normally, she didn't speak much English (polish). When we met up she had loads of red flags (emotional, anxious, clingy, problems at home, you name it). I kept an open mind and carried on because she wasn't a danger or anything serious, so we kept chatting. Not long after I started falling for her. Within a few months we spent all our time together and got engaged. We got married a year after we met and now we've been married 9 months. I had never wanted to marry before (I was 44) She's the love of my life, my total opposite yet totally perfect. I had no idea that's how things would go but it really really suits me and its the best relationship I've ever had.

So you never know!

I've tried having relationships with older men twice and they went ok for a while, then the age gaps - especially if accompanied by less than ideal lifestyle habits (and projecting those) - increasingly showed.

They are not your peers ateotd.

They are almost your parents' peers.

And to be blunt, for me, physical factors got glossed over during the honeymoon/novelty/new relationship phase, but then became increasingly off-putting.

Can a relationship where someone is punching not work?

Aside from the punching relationships that take place due to financial/lifestyle gain .....

In my experience they only work if the non punching partner has low self esteem/is vulnerable etc. That's not a healthy situation.

(You do.get "punching relationships" where they didn't start out punching, and the non punching partner has reasons to stay; eg they are not shallow, the have loyalty, shared history, shared kids etc etc. Those are a different kettle of fish obviously).

Is fanny gallops the same as javelin arse?

Go for it, say I!

I'm gripped.

Does anyone else do that thing on the app where they mean to do 'Watch thread' but hit 'Hide' by mistake? It has taken me so damned long to find you all again. There needs to be an Episode 2 just to reward my tenacity.

Absolutely not, if he gave me javlin arse I'd be running for the hills!

Age gap? Whatever. If you both feel it, you feel it. I’d be worried for him - he’ll be hopelessly in love and at some stage you’ll think ‘there’s no long term future in this, I need someone my own age’

No. It wasn't. 1988 was the first year of GCSE exams. This is an easily Googleable verifiable fact. You could have been studying for them in 1987, but you did not sit any GCSE exams until 1988. I don't know why so many people are adamant they did GCSEs before 1988.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/teach/articles/zb4gqp3

Nor do I know why this is annoying me so much, other than I have been drinking wine! 🤦🏻‍♀️

Sorry, sorry, i was born 72 so was on the first run at 16 in 88, you are right, I am wrong. Not drinking wine but have had whisky.

Same age as me then and my memory is shit. Apart from this! Not a hill I should choose to die on...
Never mastered whisky. Not for lack of trying though.

And none of this relevant to OP's dilemma. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Oh yes you are right, nothing to do with her dilemma. My memory is shite too.
16 years isn't a major difficulty if you've got the spark. Just play the game and if you win then great. This life is short make the most of it.

I want to know what fanny gallops is too.

Fanny gallops is when all the blood rushes to your foot and you get fizzy knickers.

Otherwise known as ‘a wide on’.

Foof, autocorrect. FOOF!

I'm 33. I was watching The Bay, and found the boss guy so sexy

Dunno what it is, he's kinda miserable but authoritative 🙌🙌

The same with James Martin, the tv chef

So completely understand you here - a man can just be sexy without being pretty

Go for it! See where it goes, why not x

Starting to see why some people who havent chosen to be are eternally single

I agree I think ppl who go on looks alone have never experienced true sexual chemistry

Ah, you mean clitoral engorgement. Got ya.

That is a world-class typo BTW.

🍀

I really don’t want to put a dampener on everything but do be conscious of the age gap. At the moment it’s fine, but in later years it often becomes more of an issue.

My parents had an age gap slightly similar and my mother definitely struggled in later years.

GCSEs were rolled out nationally for the 1988 exam year (It was my year; the year above did O-levels/CSEs.) But I think there were pilot GCSEs in a couple of areas a year or two earlier. So it might depend where he lived.

Not that this is relevant.

OP, getting involved with someone from work is probably unwise, but I've done it more than once, and remained on speaking terms, and more importantly, on working terms, with the guys in question after it all ended. I think if you're the type who totally cuts contact at the end of a relationship, destroys all the photos etc, then getting involved at work is definitely not a good idea. If you remain on speaking terms usually then just proceed with caution.

Also, be aware that 53yos who are overweight and smoke etc... even with Viagra, it may not be great. There are also 53yos who are absolutely fantastic in bed, but um, not all retain their physical abilities in the same way.

I love this 😍

GCSEs were rolled out nationally for the 1988 exam year (It was my year; the year above did O-levels/CSEs.) But I think there were pilot GCSEs in a couple of areas a year or two earlier. So it might depend where he lived.

Not that this is relevant.

What an odd tangent this thread has gone on

For those warning me against the age gap because of the longer term - I'm really not thinking about that right now. I've pretty much swerved all men since my divorce last year, this is just me dipping my toe back in the waters so so speak.

And then only because the fanny gallops (or wide on - love that) have kind of propelled me into it!

This happened to me five years ago with a head teacher and still ongoing. I'm just below him in rank so to speak. Both married but the chemistry is intense and the attention from sides doesn't seem to reduce. It's hard to cope with at times. You're both single I'd say go for it.

This has made me howl this morning 😂😂😂

There's a similar age gap between my husband and I, and he is the most brilliant man I have ever met.