Page 30 | Husbands food preferences driving me crazy - NEW THREAD

Jessa85 · 2025-02-28T12:17:47+00:00

NEW THREAD for those following my thread from yesterday! I will post the update of my conversation with my husband in a second.[[https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5283554-husbands-food-preferences-driving-me-crazy?page=19&reply=142513765 Original thread]]

TheTeaCosyofDoom · 12/03/2025 20:39

I'm sitting here sniggering away, full of schadenfreudic anticipation and advanced duper's delight. Oh, to be a fly on the wali!

If only I had had the opportunity to bugger up my faithless ex#2 back in the day, and 'do a Jessa' on him. Still eventually the OW did the job for me, and he finally succeeded in drinking himself to death at the beginning of December 2022. They think they are so bloody clever.

I have a nice bottle chilling in the fridge so that I can raise a glass or two in celebration when your updates come through. Big loves and hugs to you and the littlies.

TeaCosy x x x x

EarthSight · 12/03/2025 20:45

@PeggyMitchellsCameo Yes that was, and as time went on, more red flags appeared.

I was just gutted about that. I had issues with him previously, but after more than a decade of being together, I could see his behaviour slowly getting worse. It complicated. There were obviously things that worked between us, and I wouldn't characterise him as vile, but the final straw or straws was the fact I came to realise he didn't appreciate me as much as I thought he did, and I think he grew increasingly cocky over time, thinking I'd never leave, which drew into increasing disrespect. I didn’t see a happy family future for us.

Rather than stay and risk come home to 2-3 closed-off, disrespectful people who were glued to their gaming PCs (kids included), I left. Because of the timing of that and covid, I will now probably remain childless.

Projectme · 12/03/2025 20:46

What a boss!! 💥 what a queen 👸

You are a fabulous role mode for you daughters.

Hope it all goes according to plan tmrw OP; best of luck...or should I say 'food luck'!!

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 12/03/2025 20:48

Wishing you and your girls so much happiness in this next chapter of your lives @Jessa85 What lucky girls to have such a boss of a mum. Sucks that their other parent is such a shit, but you more than make up for it ❤️

SWnewstart · 12/03/2025 20:51

Just here to say that although I've obviously no idea who you are in real life, I have huge admiration for the way you're handling this awful situation. Some of your comments are so funny and, although there's adrenaline fuelling the days right now and you know challenging times are ahead, I KNOW you'll get through and life will be so much better for you and the girls. Be proud of yourself and hopefully take some comfort from the warmth / support of us MNetters x

CunningLinguist1 · 12/03/2025 20:51

AcrossthePond55 · 12/03/2025 17:34

@Jessa85

Considering that it's actually about lunch time where I am, 'food luck' works. Especially since it's one of those days where you look in the fridge and cupboard and frown because nothing sounds good.

Now I know that this is WRONG, but I'd be tempted to hide the iPad and say I didn't know where it was when he comes to get it so I could keep monitoring. But once again, Apple's FindMy and/or the ability to remotely shut down a device foils our bad intentions lol. But of course if he doesn't specifically ask for it..........

The look on his face when he gets the ping from the bank, priceless! You'll know because your phone will blow up. Then the look on his face when you don't answer, even more priceless.

In line with that; Posters, the word for today is 'apoplexy'.

Edited

And the phrase is “Fuck around, find out”

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 12/03/2025 20:53

bunsnroses1 · 12/03/2025 19:52

I appreciate you're operating on a different level to me OP and have thought this through (another vote for you to run the country!), but wouldn't it be better to transfer the funds just before you drop his car off? If you do it mid-flight he's likely to come back to your house to see what's going on (along with some bullshit story about his trip being cut short/coming home early to surprise you). I'd want him safely shacked up with the mistress before pressing the button- much cleaner.

No I’d want to do it asap just in case the email comes through about the divorce…

He actually doesn’t have his key so she doesn’t have to answer the door if he knocks, she could even go out for the day instead.

m00rfarm · 12/03/2025 21:14

Jessa85 · 12/03/2025 16:42

I’m on it don’t worry, I will be watching the flight trackers.

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..

MrsPerfect12 · 12/03/2025 21:15

Well done @Jessa85 . I hope your next moves go as smoothly as possible for you. This is all coming crashing down on him shortly. I don't think they'll last either but maybe he'll keep her around for "womens" work until she gets fed up of him.

Kilofoxtrot99 · 12/03/2025 21:16

Fingers crossed for you moving forward once he gets back, stick to your guns girl, what a legend!

XXylophonic · 12/03/2025 21:16

EarthSight · 12/03/2025 20:45

@PeggyMitchellsCameo Yes that was, and as time went on, more red flags appeared.

I was just gutted about that. I had issues with him previously, but after more than a decade of being together, I could see his behaviour slowly getting worse. It complicated. There were obviously things that worked between us, and I wouldn't characterise him as vile, but the final straw or straws was the fact I came to realise he didn't appreciate me as much as I thought he did, and I think he grew increasingly cocky over time, thinking I'd never leave, which drew into increasing disrespect. I didn’t see a happy family future for us.

Rather than stay and risk come home to 2-3 closed-off, disrespectful people who were glued to their gaming PCs (kids included), I left. Because of the timing of that and covid, I will now probably remain childless.

Edited

Why would your kids be disrespectful? Or did you not have kids with him as you say you'll remain childless. I'm a bit confused by your posts.

Emanresu52 · 12/03/2025 21:31

Hollietree · 12/03/2025 18:23

The only advice I would give you is this:

Do not tell him you know about the affair

Tell him you are leaving him because being married to him is miserable, you don’t love him anymore, you don’t fancy him anymore, you are sick of his controlling and abusive ways etc. Tell him that this week without him around made you realise that you are happier without him in your life.

It will sting his ego. It gives you power.

And honestly it’s the truth - you wanted to divorce him before you found out about the OW, that was just the icing on the cake.

If he thinks you left him because you found out he is cheating….. he will still be waltzing around thinking he’s some fucking prize to women. I bet it will keep him awake at night stewing - that in the end, he just wasn’t good enough for you! That you dumped his sorry arse because he was a terrible husband.

Keep the fact you know about the affair quiet as long as possible. Make him think you found out after you left him.

Absolutely this. It's the hardest thing ever, but try not to mention the OW. Save that for later on, excellent to use as a final twist.

Good luck for Thursday, a brand new life awaits.

FarFromtheMadders · 12/03/2025 21:38

Hollietree · 12/03/2025 18:23

The only advice I would give you is this:

Do not tell him you know about the affair

Tell him you are leaving him because being married to him is miserable, you don’t love him anymore, you don’t fancy him anymore, you are sick of his controlling and abusive ways etc. Tell him that this week without him around made you realise that you are happier without him in your life.

It will sting his ego. It gives you power.

And honestly it’s the truth - you wanted to divorce him before you found out about the OW, that was just the icing on the cake.

If he thinks you left him because you found out he is cheating….. he will still be waltzing around thinking he’s some fucking prize to women. I bet it will keep him awake at night stewing - that in the end, he just wasn’t good enough for you! That you dumped his sorry arse because he was a terrible husband.

Keep the fact you know about the affair quiet as long as possible. Make him think you found out after you left him.

Presumably though if superstar Jessa is rumbling him on his early flight home - he’ll put two and two together and realise that if she knows about his early flight, she’ll also know about the OW?

Cornishclio · 12/03/2025 21:42

Having read both threads I can see that the situation has moved on. This man sounds pretty money orientated and not at all caring about blowing up your family so I would move that 50% asap before he cleans the account out. If he gets a notification so be it. He can't do anything and he will know that you are on to him tomorrow or Friday anyway when the papers are served. Stay strong.

fortheloveofgumball · 12/03/2025 21:45

I just want to say that you are a superwoman. I'm wishing you so much luck

WiddlinDiddlin · 12/03/2025 21:54

FarFromtheMadders · 12/03/2025 21:38

Presumably though if superstar Jessa is rumbling him on his early flight home - he’ll put two and two together and realise that if she knows about his early flight, she’ll also know about the OW?

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I suspect he is so arrogant he won't realise that she is aware of the flight, just that the timing of the funds removal is a coincidence.

He will be left wildly racing to figure out exactly what she knows and doesn't know. I bet money on a frantic text 'why have you taken half the bank account?' and not giving out any info if he doesn't have to!

RealEagle · 12/03/2025 21:57

Good luck and all the best ,your daughters are so lucky to have you

XXylophonic · 12/03/2025 22:03

I'm also glad you've decided against taking his car to OW house. I also agree with PP advice to not disclose that you know about the affair. Tell him as little as possible as the less he knows you know, the more you can use that information to help you when needed later on.

I'm glad your mum is going to be there to support you when he turns up and you won't have to face him alone. Good luck for tomorrow x

tallhotpinkflamingo · 12/03/2025 22:11

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 12/03/2025 16:27

I think that boat sailed more than one full thread ago, honestly.

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well, that's what I read in this thread from the OP and the most recent posts from others when I posted were some rubbish about ketchup.

it's very obvious from the threads that the OP is trying to find reasons to break up, and most of them are very minor, petty things. if you're going to break up with someone because you got the ick just do it, you don't need several threads on mumsnet for validation about it.

PyongyangKipperbang · 12/03/2025 22:18

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ZorbaTheHoarder · 12/03/2025 22:18

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Daisymae23 · 12/03/2025 22:26

tallhotpinkflamingo · 12/03/2025 22:11

well, that's what I read in this thread from the OP and the most recent posts from others when I posted were some rubbish about ketchup.

it's very obvious from the threads that the OP is trying to find reasons to break up, and most of them are very minor, petty things. if you're going to break up with someone because you got the ick just do it, you don't need several threads on mumsnet for validation about it.

Edited

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A long term affair is minor and petty??

Alwaysinamood · 12/03/2025 22:36

Been reading both these threads throughout the day and wow can’t believe the turn it’s took with the affair!! Did you suspect anything like this ??

Nanny0gg · 12/03/2025 22:38

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Twittens · 12/03/2025 22:39

My massive apologies if this has already been said… but to keep things sweet regarding communication about the children… and so he can not accuse you of preventing him from communications… (even though I know you have seen his messages saying he doesn’t want custody) you can use an app which is approved by the children’s courts… there are details on the Caffcass website… you can send him a link to an app and account you have set up… and then instruct him to only use that app… you can then block him from your phone…. And he can’t use that against you… if he does go for custody/ refute your claim to maintenance… all of the communications within the app can be shared easily with the courts… additionally set up a new email address and provide this to him for any other communications… e.g finances, house arrangements requests for other items from the house he may wish to have… that way YOU can choose when you look at it… you might chose only to check it once a week… or only in the evenings once the girls are in bed… that way he can not infiltrate your everyday life or demand of your attention… you regain control… again… if you need it as further proof of abuse.. it will all be there together in one place… sending you lots of love and strength… you are doing g so well and are such an amazing role model for other women and your girls. I am sorry this has happened to you…