I explained that if he can't do the housework, he should pay for a cleaner etc... but he said 'why when you cope with it already
No wonder you lost it.
Some people simply don't understand loving human relationships. They only understand hierarchy and power. If there's a resource, they will exploit it to its maximum, even if it's someone that's meant to be their cherished other half.
Different scenario, but I reminds me of when I got upset once with my ex for not understanding why life insurance (or rather sickness insurance) was so important to me, given he expected me to have his children but had zero family support or social capital on his side. I'd be completely reliant on my ageing parents to help me pay an expensive mortgage, look after him and out children if he was in an accident or got sick, and he didn't seem bothered by this, which was unusual as out of the two of us, he was the more anxious one.
He said something like - 'but what the point? If I died, then I wouldn’t benefit at all from it'....
....and honestly I was just gobsmacked by how self-centred that was. It helped me realised why certain things had been an uphill battle with him.