Husbands food preferences driving me crazy - NEW THREAD

[Jessa85]

NEW THREAD for those following my thread from yesterday!

I will post the update of my conversation with my husband in a second.Original thread

Did he even ask how his girls are??? Whenever me and DH are away, the first thing we want to do is squeeze our little ones. I can’t imagine his mindset one bit, other than him being a selfish cock.

Well done OP. Hope you can relax this evening ❤️

On behalf of all women who have been stuck in bad marriages with men who have a higher regard for themselves than their families, I thank you and salute you. You are a power house and a Mumsnet icon.

I’ve been separated 4.5 years and divorced for 2 years. It’s been a rollercoaster. I remember that first day, the relief that I never had to call him my husband again, the shock that the future divorce was now actually real, and the tears that flowed from all the hidden emotion and adrenaline. It’s been hard at times but I never, ever, ever regret ending that terrible marriage. I’m so much happier and have even found my true love. You know already you’ve done the right thing. Your sparkling, new life starts now - you and your beautiful girls, your Mum and Grandad in your tight family unit. You are amazing and one day your girls will find out exactly how amazing you are. Bravo lovely Jessa. 🥰

Well done Jessa. You are going to need a thread no 3

I have just caught up with your thread. My golly, you are amazing @Jessa85 .

Your STBX is an absolute shit, but then you know that!

You have handled this beautifully.
Oh goodness, when he gets those papers.... 😀

I have so much admiration for you. I wish I had been as brave as you many years ago.

This is great advice

Why?

Thank God, I’m not the only one wondering this!

God I hope the OW is reading this and reassessing her well stocked freezer of beige food.

It won't show on "find my" or be listed on the wifi?

"It won't show on "find my" or be listed on the wifi?"

But then the messages won't come through either?

@Jessa85 i think by the time you’ve come back to the thread it’s going to be full! I hope you get a chance to recover tonight, you must be so tired but hopefully soon it will feel like a weight lifted. It’s time to stop, rest and take it all in. No need for anything else just look after yourself and the girls x

You are a legend and a queen OP!

Sending you a hug because lord knows that today was hard, but my lovely, it will get harder. We will be here for you to rant at, to support you and to be by your side as you reshape your life.

But for now, rest, expect to experience a whole range of emotions, and be very kind to yourself.

Take care of yourself and your beautiful girls. Will be thinking of you x

“D” for Dickhead-day!! Go, Jessa!!!!

OMG that must have been hard but satisfying. You've lost 80kgs in one day! Well done. Take some time, take care of yourself and your kids.

I hope you’re taking care of yourself this evening and surrounding yourself with all the love from your mum and your girls.💕

I read your first thread for the first time and noticed that you mentioned your ex—who you once described as having a “heart of gold” (oh, how the scales have fallen)—went to therapy about a year ago because you were considering divorcing him. Timing-wise, is that around when the affair started? If so, I’d read that as when you began standing up to him, he couldn’t handle the loss of control. Starting an affair likely served two purposes:

(a) Finding another woman he could control / he believes to be the perfect woman and the opposite of you —reading through their messages might reveal signs of this.
b) Punishing you—one-upmanship, proving to himself that he still holds power. And given your unbothered reaction when he revealed the affair (which, holy Christ, lady, might be your peak moment of magnificence), that must have been even more infuriating for him. It may have even dulled the shine of the affair itself.

This further supports the pattern of a deeply abusive and egotistical man. Now that he’s lost control, and his ego has been badly damaged—he could become very vindictive and possibly dangerous. You mentioned that he’s usually stone cold, so how often have you seen him react the way he did today shouting and presumably verbal abuse?

The evidence you’ve gathered is your strongest protection, but you should also prepare for the possibility that he may try to retaliate—perhaps by seeking custody of the girls. Not because he truly wants them, but because he knows it would hurt you. Painting you as an unfit mother etc.

I would try and hang on to the iPad for as long as you can. As pp said, turn off location tracking on it, disconnect from wifi / remove SIM card but switch it in on occasionally (take it out the house if you need to). It may provide you with some valuable clues about what he’s planning.

You are one courageous and inspiring lady and I’m enjoying ‘divorce me chicken’ in your honour for my tea tonight @Jessa85 😊

Sending you the theme song to Sweet Magnolias because it really fits and you can belt it out!
genius.com/Nickel-creek-destination-lyrics

Just here to say WELL DONE YOU. Be proud of yourself

@Jessa85 You absolute LEGEND!!!
A couple of weeks ago you were trying to cook beige shit for the Beige Shit, and just LOOK at you now!!!!!

Drab is the antithesis of you - calm, collected, resourceful, wise & a fucking super hero to women everywhere.

Road ahead won’t be all smooth etc - but if you can go from Beige Shit to taking No Shit with your dignity fully intact and your back straightened humongously, you can do anything.

A tole model to your kids and an absolute force to be reckoned with.

Fuck around, find out, little beige scroogey around-shagging man. FAFO!

Long time lurker, first time poster.
I wanted to say I've been rooting for you and I'm so impressed with how you've handled everything.
I know MN has been a huge source of comfort and advice, but please can I suggest that you consider printing these posts so you can keep all the amazing advice, and then delete them. You could always start another thread if you need more support, but if your STBXH or OW managed to get sight of these he'd know your plans, inner thoughts and about the iPad.

Sending you a huge virtual hug. You must be absolutely shattered. I know you say you don't have many close friends locally but maybe letting some of those school mums know might be some support for you and your girls. The girls may tell their friends and it would be good for you and your girls to get some extra emotional support. x

I don't know enough about this, but you might be able to install a VPN so he can't see where the iPad is. I could be completely wrong

This would be stalking him. Don't go down this route.

Wishing you the best. I hope you start a new thread to let us all know that you are OK, and if not, to let us try to support you.

You have done fantastically well, but it must be exhausting. I hope you do get a rest.
I'm sure someone else has pointed it out, but there are so many supporters and well wishers that I may have missed it, but do point out to him (if he digs his heels in over the divorce settlement) that it's in his best interests to deal with this quickly (which should mean fairly for you) because extra marital affairs are illegal in UAE. So quite how he plans to take MsGlamour out there with him and conduct an affair if he is legally married to you is a bit of an unknown.

You are awesome. You've handled this brilliantly. You are an amazing example to your children. I truly hope that you can feel those things. Onwards x