Husbands food preferences driving me crazy - NEW THREAD

[Jessa85]

NEW THREAD for those following my thread from yesterday!

I will post the update of my conversation with my husband in a second.Original thread

As I said further up, clear the iPad history of your searches so he can’t accuse you of snooping.

Food luck Jessa, you are amazing.

Thinking back to your earlier thread perhaps for dinner on Saturday you could have “Divorce You Chicken!”

I feel for you. I’ve been in your shoes just two years ago. Husband working away and lying. I was home with two young children, one in nursery and one had just started school. It was brutal. I thought I’d never recover from the betrayal. Also found out from the computer he had been staying at air BnBs with a women and living the life of a single free man. I still struggle with resentment now as he literally does as he pleases while I do everything for the children. He lives a life of no responsibility predominantly abroad. He is still with the other women which I find insane, as I can’t imagine ever having any respect for a man that sees his kids only a few weeks a year.

Really wish you well.

You are a rock star! I bet you cannot wait for when he realises his plan isn't going to work out. You'll have your fabulous life and she will have his particular, difficult habits.

Going away for a new life might not happen, she can't just go unmarried. And then if they marry because of this that in itself will be hilarious.

Oh to be a fly on the cabin wall or airport arrivals when he realises half the savings are gone and the jig is up, you know the score. That cold sweat, that sinking feeling that control has just been shifted away from you...

Ahahaha.

I'd also be a fly on the wall when the OW realises he's a total prick, wants to control her money, her cooking, her home etc...

Onwards and upwards for you and your girls @Jessa85 the futures bright, the future is prick-free! Stay strong!

I love the fact you know his actual flight, not the one he thinks you think he’s on, so you can time the transfer perfectly. Though I guess the shit may hit the fan and he’ll come home anyway once he sees the money is gone.

Just going to add, in case no-one else already has, I’d ‘misplace’ the ipad that you’re following the chats etc on it when he comes home and you have the conversation. It won’t be at the top of his priorities even if he asks for it you can say one ofthe kids had it, you’ll find it and pass it on in due course - then you should be able to continue following his conversations/texts for a bit. It’s unlikely he’ll twig that you can see them for a bit.

Am so rooting for you tomorrow 💪💪💪

Happy to volunteer to meet him at the airport arrivals lounge with a huge sign saying "HA HA YOU'RE BUSTED BUSTER!"

Oh I like this idea! You could tell DH a concerned friend of his/OWs told you about the affair if you wanted.

We could have a mumsnet outing 😆

I remember your first post from 2 weeks ago but lost track of the thread & have just rediscovered & read both threads in full. I’m absolutely astonished to see how this has escalated from you being bored to tears with dry dinners to becoming an absolute apocalypse! The way you’ve handled everything behind the scenes quickly, quietly and with steely determination and just kept growing into this fierce new role is absolutely amazing - you should be so proud of yourself, your incredible strength & the amazing example you’re setting for your girls.

I am so glad that you are divorcing him, and that it’s not because of the affair, but because this warm, wise, wonderful warrior of a worm has turned! He crushed your spirit for years & boy is he going to see how much he underestimated you now that you’re in control of your own future. Drab my arse - we all think you’re bloody fabulous!

Sending you love and hugs for the blips & dips when the adrenaline wears off but most of all sending you good luck for tomorrow along with strength and solidarity. We’re all rooting for you & the wonderful new life you’re about to step into. On the other side of this is total freedom & a wonderfully varied menu! xxxx

Good luck OP and stay strong.

The only advice I would give you is this:

Do not tell him you know about the affair

Tell him you are leaving him because being married to him is miserable, you don’t love him anymore, you don’t fancy him anymore, you are sick of his controlling and abusive ways etc. Tell him that this week without him around made you realise that you are happier without him in your life.

It will sting his ego. It gives you power.

And honestly it’s the truth - you wanted to divorce him before you found out about the OW, that was just the icing on the cake.

If he thinks you left him because you found out he is cheating….. he will still be waltzing around thinking he’s some fucking prize to women. I bet it will keep him awake at night stewing - that in the end, he just wasn’t good enough for you! That you dumped his sorry arse because he was a terrible husband.

Keep the fact you know about the affair quiet as long as possible. Make him think you found out after you left him.

I'll hold the banner on the other end.

My ex h seems to have forgotten being a father is forever..

Sorry, I deleted my post as I see what I wrote about the UAE has already been covered by someone else. Just ignore me.
Good luck with everything, @Jessa85 - I would agree with asking him for a divorce before he knows you know he has a mistress, because he will just focus on you thinking you are the wronged wife, and won’t realise the many, many, other reasons that you were already initiating divorce before knowing about his affair.

I think the only thing you’re forgetting is getting a manicure, hair cut and colour, and some fabulous clothes from the joint account too because after all, he told you you’re drab and need to smarten up…..

Keeping it classy - love this.
Although he might retaliate and tell @Jessa85 about the affair, in which case a shrug of the shoulders (and a flick of your blow dry) will be even more galling for him.

This ☝️. Only reveal the affair when he starts to paint himself the victim or is trying to screw you over financially. It’s leverage to keep his ‘good guy reputation’

Oh yes, I'd give him as little info about what you know as possible, I am sure you already plan on this but just in case!

You hold all the cards here, keep it that way. Let him sweat about what you know/don't know for as long as possible.

I've read all your posts from both threads and I was surprised that no one had mentioned he might have another woman, so it's all been a huge shock for you.

You are so well organised and in control and you've achieved a great deal in under two weeks! From him not eating your food to you realising the financial abuse and taking advantage of you, from seeing a solicitor to discovering his infidelity and to file for divorce, getting your finances arranged, and packing his things ready to kick him out, you've achieved a great deal. Well done.

You might crash soon, particularly once you've told him and he realises what he's lost. I'm glad your mum will be there. Accept all offers to look after the children and help with housework. And if you do crash, take the time to look after yourself. It's a huge step to end a marriage, even when it's the right thing to do.

You are amazing and we love you x

No advice to add, you’ve had lots of good advice and your solicitor sounds on top of everything. Just want to wish you well especially over the next few days. Enjoy freedom 💐

I also agree with this strategy. Keep your cards close to your chest for as long as possible.

@Hollietree calls it right, IMO. The affair is incidental.

OP had already started the ball rolling to divorce his woeful, abusive, financially-controlling, coercive, negging arse before the affair even came to light. It isn't relevant. I'd also proceed on the basis that he's simply a miserable excuse for a husband and life is much happier without him in it.

Yes to this.

Though telling him he's made you miserable will cheer him up.

So let him live in a fool's paradise where he thinks he's made you miserable and that you're too stupid to know about the betrayal/ he's incredibly clever to be so good at hiding it, on top of being irresistible to a woman he doesn't (yet) see as 'drab'.

He'll be surprised and dismayed that you managed to figure out what he was really up to, especially wrt the income he thought he was hiding from you.