Page 27 | Husbands food preferences driving me crazy - NEW THREAD

Jessa85 · 2025-02-28T12:17:47+00:00

NEW THREAD for those following my thread from yesterday! I will post the update of my conversation with my husband in a second.[[https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5283554-husbands-food-preferences-driving-me-crazy?page=19&reply=142513765 Original thread]]

Original poster

Jessa85 · 12/03/2025 16:42

WiddlinDiddlin · 12/03/2025 16:40

mmm, I'd be checking when his flight leaves and then doing the transfer. It's unavoidable that he will get the notification when he lands, but I think the first sniff he gets of you being ahead of the game in anyway, he will empty the account.

I’m on it don’t worry, I will be watching the flight trackers.

OP posts:

AnonAnonmystery · 12/03/2025 16:45

Jessa85 · 12/03/2025 16:40

Solicitor said 50% so that’s what I’m taking 😊

That’s exactly right, you have a solicitor so take their legal advice.

Lilactimes · 12/03/2025 16:46

tallhotpinkflamingo · 12/03/2025 16:25

I think expecting him to do housework after he gets home from work and you've been there all day is a bit much. My partner and I both work and we wouldn't dream of doing any housework on weekdays beyond loading/unloading the dishwasher and maybe washing up something that's hand wash only.

@tallhotpinkflamingo I think it’s worth reading the whole thread plus the previous one embedded on her first post. You will understand once you’ve read all rhe OPs posts, the level of abuse and coercion that’s been going on. OP is totally correct in everything she’s doing, the H is a nasty piece of work and it’s upsetting story.

flippinnorrra · 12/03/2025 16:47

Knew you’d be all over it, @Jessa85! 🤓

If you’re not already running MI5, steering the country, or heading up a global charity, I really hope that’s on the agenda for your fabulous new life!

Frazzledandfried · 12/03/2025 16:47

Just wanted to post support and my utter admiration for the way you are handling this.
Clearly your STBXH is an idiot. Wishing you and your DCs all the very best 💐

SoMuchBadAdvice · 12/03/2025 16:50

Another vote for "move the money whilst he is in the air", & I'm for cleaning out the account, you can give him some back later if he is playing fair.

Given that he has told you that he is in Dubai until Saturday, and he may not catch up with things on the day that he is really travelling, it is going to give him a dilemma on Friday ........

Predicted Phone Convo Friday:

Him: Hi, why did you take all our money?

OP: Hello darling. How are things in Dubai? I haven't heard from you for ages.

Him: Oh ....... Yes ........ Hot.

why did you take all our money?

OP: Something came up, I'll tell you all about it when you are back in the UK.

Him: What's this about?

OP: Don't worry your pretty little head about this, I've got things under control here.

Him: Yes - but what's happening?

OP: Just concentrate on catching your flight, and give me a bell from the airport the moment you land tomorrow & I will fill you in. It's all good news & I can't wait to tell you all about it!

Bye!

Speak tomorrow.

Click
>===============================

Carrotsandgrapes · 12/03/2025 16:52

Jessa85 · 12/03/2025 16:42

I’m on it don’t worry, I will be watching the flight trackers.

Show quote history

Keep in mind that you can pay for WiFi on lots of flights now, so he may still get alerts while in the air.

WiddlinDiddlin · 12/03/2025 16:55

Welllll he might, but that'll just give him something to ponder over on the flight won't it!

thepariscrimefiles · 12/03/2025 16:56

tallhotpinkflamingo · 12/03/2025 16:25

I think expecting him to do housework after he gets home from work and you've been there all day is a bit much. My partner and I both work and we wouldn't dream of doing any housework on weekdays beyond loading/unloading the dishwasher and maybe washing up something that's hand wash only.

I think that it's a bit much that you come onto thread number 2 on page 26 and you can't even be bothered to read all the OP's posts in your haste to give us the benefit of your uninformed opinion.

OP also works full time but it's obviously her unreasonable expectation of some help with the housework that has led her husband to have an affair, hide a lot of his income and make plans to leave her with his mistress, all behind OP's back.

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 12/03/2025 17:02

thepariscrimefiles · 12/03/2025 16:56

I think that it's a bit much that you come onto thread number 2 on page 26 and you can't even be bothered to read all the OP's posts in your haste to give us the benefit of your uninformed opinion.

OP also works full time but it's obviously her unreasonable expectation of some help with the housework that has led her husband to have an affair, hide a lot of his income and make plans to leave her with his mistress, all behind OP's back.

Show quote history

thepariscrimefiles
it's obviously her unreasonable expectation of some help with the housework that has led her husband to have an affair, hide a lot of his income and make plans to leave her with his mistress, all behind OP's back.

Yes, if only she'd washed up that coffee cup in a timely manner none of this would have happened.

Original poster

Jessa85 · 12/03/2025 17:04

AcrossthePond55 · 12/03/2025 16:29

@Jessa85

I'm not sure what your plan is (and not asking), but I'm assuming (again, not asking) that you plan to communicate to him once he's back that he isn't welcome at the house. If he is going to find out you want a divorce before you move the money you run the risk of him 'getting in there first' and either taking the lot or freezing the account. So best be ready with your finger on the trigger once you've told him.

Do you know if the airline he flies has wifi? If not, chances are he'll be 'out of mobile service area' in the air and you can move the money without him getting the notice until he lands. Of course, that will give him a 'head's up that something's up'.

One way you can tell, if you can 'see' him on your 'FindMy' and iPhone, is that if there is no mobile service FindMy will only show his last known location. My son flies frequently for work and he's explained to me that if it shows him at the airport when he's actually in the air it means there's no mobile service on the flight. I guess I'd asked him if he'd missed his flight one too many times lol.

Good luck, you're a real champion.

Oh, also, you may want to move that over to your Monzo account at some point if your 'usual' account is at the same bank as his. My son was advised that he should have NO accounts at the same bank to avoid any 'slip ups'.

Edited

He currently suspects nothing, he messaged earlier to talk with the girls but of course he forgot its gymnastics tonight. He's still messaging the mistress as normal too, no changes detected there. Once that flight is confirmed as in the air, I am transferring the funds and even if he did have wifi there is not a single thing he can do about it, which is a nice feeling.

My plan with Monzo was to send the transfer limit each day until its all moved over. I too didn't feel safe having it in the same bank, even if he can't see my solo account funds.

Thank you for the good luck wishes, I appreciate every single one.

edit because i wrote 'food luck' although that's kind of fitting considering the reason for my first post😂

OP posts:

Original poster

Jessa85 · 12/03/2025 17:06

flippinnorrra · 12/03/2025 16:47

Knew you’d be all over it, @Jessa85! 🤓

If you’re not already running MI5, steering the country, or heading up a global charity, I really hope that’s on the agenda for your fabulous new life!

Ohh I'm liking that idea 😂

OP posts:

Lilactimes · 12/03/2025 17:08

Jessa85 · 12/03/2025 17:06

Ohh I'm liking that idea 😂

Show quote history

I know right! You are impressive @Jessa85 !!

MyOtherProfile · 12/03/2025 17:10

I've just read both threads. I'm on tenterhooks for tomorrow. Wishing you all the best OP.

TurtleBarnacle · 12/03/2025 17:10

Food luck Jessa!

(I'm adopting that as a new phrase) 😆

drspouse · 12/03/2025 17:14

Monzo, like a couple of the other newer accounts (we use Starling) has free child accounts. When your DDs are a bit older they can have their own debit cards, with strict limits of course, but for now GPs can add money to them.

MuchuseasaChocolateTeapot · 12/03/2025 17:17

I don’t know you but I’m so proud of you.

I hope he feels like he has been kicked in the balls and had a frying pan wrapped round his head when he realises what he has lost. I also hope she is a foodie. They deserve each other.

Rooting for you and your girls tomorrow. X

TimetoPour · 12/03/2025 17:20

I have absolutely no advice to add here but I’ve read the full thread and just wanted to say that you are an absolute diamond @Jessa85 .

Wishing you lots of love and strength x

haribo1989 · 12/03/2025 17:29

You are amazing - food luck for tomorrow. Head High you are one amazing brave woman and setting the best example for your girls. 👊💪🖕(last one is to him and OW)

NeedyTiger · 12/03/2025 17:31

Jessa you really are a rockstar ❣️ someone who your girls will look up to with pride and hopefully learn for future relationships how not to be treated ! Good luck for what's coming we know you got this if the last few days are anything to go by and let them two scumbags rot in the gutters together where they belong once they realised they have been played ! I admire everything about you 🌹 you deserve every bit of happiness going forward xx

IDoWhateverItTakes · 12/03/2025 17:33

I'd transfer the money right before his plane lands, while he's still in the air. He'll have his phone off potentially or be focused on other things when the plan lands, like getting through immigration controls, etc

AcrossthePond55 · 12/03/2025 17:34

@Jessa85

Considering that it's actually about lunch time where I am, 'food luck' works. Especially since it's one of those days where you look in the fridge and cupboard and frown because nothing sounds good.

Now I know that this is WRONG, but I'd be tempted to hide the iPad and say I didn't know where it was when he comes to get it so I could keep monitoring. But once again, Apple's FindMy and/or the ability to remotely shut down a device foils our bad intentions lol. But of course if he doesn't specifically ask for it..........

The look on his face when he gets the ping from the bank, priceless! You'll know because your phone will blow up. Then the look on his face when you don't answer, even more priceless.

In line with that; Posters, the word for today is 'apoplexy'.

rainbowhairchalk · 12/03/2025 17:35

What a woman you are 😍😍

Whippetmomma · 12/03/2025 17:35

OP you are a boss.

I've been quietly following this thread.

So many threads like yours come up on here and the OP crumbles. You deserve better than that scumbag and he does not realise your potential and what he's about to lose.

Turn up with his crap, smile and say thankyou to the OW and wish her all the best because she's going to need it.
Then you carry on and live your best life with your girls!

Surf2Live · 12/03/2025 17:36

I have no advice, you have already most excellent advice and you have a solicitor.

I just needed to add how totally impressed I am by your management of this situation. Your calm, cool, rational decisions. Your focus on your girls.

You are absolutely amazing! I will also be thinking of you and sending good vibes to you tomorrow.

Know that you have the backing of so many here, all ready to lift you up.