Husbands food preferences driving me crazy - NEW THREAD

[Jessa85]

NEW THREAD for those following my thread from yesterday!

I will post the update of my conversation with my husband in a second.Original thread

OP- I've been following your thread and just popped I to say how amazing you are doing considering the circumstances!! You are an inspiration and a great role model to your girls. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you that everything will go smoothly and you will soon feel happy and free again ❤️

Just wanted to echo what others have said: you’re doing brilliantly.

My guess is that OW will fairly quickly realise he’s not the prize she thinks when she gets bored of having to always cook the same damn thing or him getting moody. They’ve not had a chance to play house, so she’s in for a rude awakening. Couldn’t happen to a nicer person.

One last thing I was going to add, beyond getting gift cards to use later, is to treat yourself to a good haircut on the joint account. It may seem frivolous, but doing something that is solely for you, to boost your self confidence, is also valid. And if pennies are going to be tight, this may be your last chance for a while.

Good luck with the car drop-off on Thursday.

And this.

He told her about the plan for divorce possibly not because he has any intention of doing so (that would require effort and his priority is an easy life). He has a feeling you will divorce him, and knowing that he'll be out on his ear, he's got the reserve lined up should he need it. Staying with her is cheaper and easier than a hotel.

But equally, if you don't make that move, he'd have some reason why he couldn't divorce you at this time 'oh I can't until we move to UAE because of the divorce settlement' or 'I need to move my money so she can't find it before I do'.

Theres much here to suggest the cake and eat it approach.

When reality kicks in, I wouldn't be surprised at his attempts to win you back.

He likes the 'maid' and the 'mistress' deal. It suits him.

A divorce won't suit him.

You will be so much happier without him. 💐

Holy moly @Jessa85 what a thread! What a massive pair of ovaries you have, I am in awe 😍 I am sure the next period is going to be stressful but I am even more sure that there's a happier healthier life for you and your girls waiting for you.
Good luck

Do you know his boss ? Once you have served the divorce papers, would you be able to inform his boss that you & Dc will not be following as trailing family, you are actually getting divorced. He will only be needing single lodging as his girlfriend & He won't be married by then .....

Wow! You are awesome!

Just make sure to take care of yourself, enough sleep, healthy eating, pamper yourself once inna while, something sporty/yoga/walk .... You need all your energy to get thru this, but you've got this, you are on a roll.

Take care!

I've not had any experience of this kind of thing but my gut feel is that rather than opt for dramatic drive bys involving divorce papers, prawns and glamorous outfits, you might be best to keep your powder dry. Although it might be satisfying in the moment, longer term I would imagine the calm and calculated approach might work best for you.

Blimey OP you’re on fire. Well done.

Adrenaline is keeping you going now, but there will be a come down. Please have a think now about how you handle that, plan some nice bits for yourself.

Op the 'Inspiration of the year' award definitely goes to you. 🏆

Jessa, Based on my experience I can’t see any company setting you and the children up in the UAE for a period of what he says will be 6-12 months.

Also, his affair partner saying she’ll get temporary work? It’s not going to happen.

And if he hadn't been so fussy, OP might not have found out about his OW for a while. So he started the avalanche!

@Scottishskifun is Ginger posting again? She's wonderful.

@Jessa85

I'm in awe. You'll be fine with a loving family behind you.

Contact council tax to let them know that you have separated from your husband and would like to apply for the 25% discount.

Just checked in and crikey this has taken a turn! But what a predictable, dreary, sordid little ending it is to his marriage for him-running away to a mistress who will soon get thee measure of him when they actually live together and abandoning his children and the woman that allowed him to rise.

As for you, I don't think I've ever had as much respect for anyone as you on Mumsnet before. You are a fucking QUEEN. I can't remember who said but don't get mad....get everything. Sending you so much solidarity, your girls are going to grow up with the best role model ever. 💪🏻

If you decide not to go with the car drop-off scenario, you’ll need to protect yourself until you’re ready to file and play the long game. Having him come home to you will be incredibly painful this weekend, and you may not feel ready to kick him out as that will pre-empt a conversation about divorce. Personally I don’t know how I’d be able to look him in the eye or have him anywhere near me knowing what you know.

But if you don’t want to reveal your hand and want to remain in control you need to play the long game. It sounds like he’s planning to break up with you when you say no to going to the UAE and use the excuse that you’re not ‘supporting his dreams’. It’s a bit maverick, but I think you could pre-empt his chat with you this weekend by telling him you agree it’s a great opportunity and that you’ll go to the UAE with him and bring the girls. He might panic and leave anyway, but it doesn’t sound like he has a Plan B right now so this might buy some time (and piss off the OW).

Just make sure you’re looking your tip top best when you have this conversation 😂

the law has changed, it is now legal to cohabitate. Even before the change, plenty of people did. You are correct on the visa issue, a company will not pay for a visa if they aren’t married. However, there is also a lot of ways round this and visa runs to Oman are common. However, medical insurance, bank account, phone contract etc with be problematic without an emirates id. Which you can’t get without a visa. All in all, doing this for a up to a year would be a massive ball ache.

I can't remember who said but don't get mad....get everything.

Ivana Trump said it about Donald Trump 😯

I don't think so after the last one filled up. Her witty writing whilst going through a tough time had me I'm awe.

Tempting though many of the revenge plans are, I think I would advocate avoiding anything that potentially ramps up the drama or jeopardises 'D'H's ability to pay for the OP & his children. (Though some ideas may come in handy further down the line, to hold over his head if he decides to be troublesome about the divorce).

'D'H and his mistress are not worth the drama and upset of revenge plans, and their opinions are uninteresting. They already know in their hearts what disgusting people they are and don't need to be shown. What matters is the future of the OP and her children, and following the solicitor's advice to progress the divorce as smoothly, and with as little disruption to their lives, as possible.

I would suggest a clinical focus on the desired outcomes: extracting him from her life, and his money from him.

Interesting, @Jessa85 .
Whilst I wouldn't rush to inform his boss without careful consideration, Mix56 makes a valid point that your H is likely exploiting his 'married-with-family' status to secure a lucrative relocation package including generously proportioned accommodation - thus maximising the comfort and 'big-man' impressiveness of his UAE love-nest. (It hardly rates in your priorities right now, but if the opportunity arises, putting a discrete spanner in that would be satisfying.)

Wow, this all really escalated from

• "refuses to eat meals with pie or pastries"

@Gingerloaf is a hero as is @Jessa85 .

Just catching up.... @Jessa85 this is like a daytime drama!
Waiting for the next installment!

(Well done tho)