Husbands food preferences driving me crazy - NEW THREAD

[Jessa85]

NEW THREAD for those following my thread from yesterday!

I will post the update of my conversation with my husband in a second.Original thread

I’ve been following since your first thread OP, and just want to say you’re absolutely amazing! Your husband is a dead weight, you will feel so much lighter and better without him. He and his mistress deserve each other, let them have each other.
I’m not sure if I would give him the heads up about your solicitor, but your car idea is brilliant! And like another person said, I think I would message him before Thursday to say that on second thought, Dubai sounds like a great idea and you can’t wait. Let him squirm a little!
Just a thought, if you’re taking cash out or buying necessities/vouchers from the joint account, why not book yourself in for a nice expensive spa day and a hair appointment? Since Mr Beige Food is so worried about your appearance, he should be pleased.

I had only read the very very first part of your first thread and wondered what could be keeping that thread going….

But I really wasn’t expecting this last ‘surprise’!

Im in awe at your strength @Jessa85
He won’t know what’s hit him.

You can do the divorce itself online easily if both parties cooperate. But the tricky bit is sorting out the finances and the children, which need to be dealt with in parallel with the divorce. A divorce on its own won’t sort out the finances.
This is likely to be a fight (at least for finances). That’s why she is right to do all this through a solicitor and to get good advice about the best way forward and what to claim and how.
We are cheering you on OP!

I am not sure dropping the car off without handing the keys to someone and getting some record of it is a good idea. If the car disappeared/stolen/pretended it was stolen that gives you a headache. Also insurance purposes for a location change.

@Jessa85

Have you run the car drop off scenario by your solicitor? They usually like to know every little detail of what you're doing. They might want to speed up the paperwork and have it done by Thursday so it can be filed and the papers emailed to him (upon your OK) before he can 'get in there first'. This advice to you is based on my son's lawyer's advice to him. You say you don't think he's spoken to a solicitor, but you can't be 100% sure. Better to be safe than sorry.

If you think he's going to have a nasty reaction to the car drop off and you don't want to deal with it, create a new email address specifically for him. Include a note with the keys that instruct him that he is to use that email for ALL communications. That you have blocked him on your phone and your usual email. Whether you actually DO block him or not is up to you, the point being that he thinks he's blocked.

This serves 3 purposes:

1-All communications are in writing for legal purposes
2-You can pick and choose when you want to see his shit
3-If you want, you can have someone 'screen' the emails for nastiness and relay only info pertinent to the divorce and their child. I did this for a friend as her exH sent simply vile emails and she just didn't want to have to look at them.

And getting door chains and/or extra locks is a 'must'. Even if you can't lock him out when you're gone, at least you can lock him out when you're home so he can't walk in on you unannounced.

Your inner tigress has awoken. Use her wisely.

sound advice re; completely separate email address.

I am in total awe of you OP.

I hope you find the best way to tell your lovely children.

I would not drop the car off either.

In my opinion it is highly likely that he is NOT planning to tell you he wants a divorce, this weekend or in the near future.

He is stringing her along, as a back up plan to take to the UAE if you refuse to go. Even then he will probably lie to her and you - she will think he is separated whilst he swans off leaving you and the kids at home for him to come back to 12 months later.

Men like this think they are such a fucking prize. They think they deserve two women on the go. He likely wants to keep you both going.

I would not rush anything and I would keep very quiet whilst you get your ducks in a row.

On the rare chance he is actually telling the truth to the OW and he does tell you he wants to divorce this weekend…….. just say “oh great, I’m so relieved, I want the same but I was worried about how to tell you”. No emotion. He’ll hate that.

Wow @Jessa85 - you are awesome. I have followed both of your threads, and he is unbelievable! Wishing you the very best of luck over the coming weeks. FWIW I love the idea of dropping the car off and serving the divorce papers at the same time!

Yes! And a big grin on your face too.

If you could do one of those celebratory side skips as you walk away too, that would be perfect.

You're amazing OP. Hope you're doing OK and that the kids will be OK too.

You are on fire! When my ex decided he couldn't live without his affair partner I lived on adrenaline for ages. The first thing me and our son did was put all his belongings in bin bags and stuck them in the garage. Then the only revenge I took was to cut our wedding photos in half and put his half with him in them in a bag for him to discover. I took the next day off work and sat waiting as I assumed correctly he thought I would be at work and he could take what he wanted. Ha! His face when he saw me in the living room. He was always cowardly and that confirmed it. I hope things go ok tomorrow. I'll be thinking about you.

YES!!!!Well done. What a POS. His OW is in for a treat

OP, i’m in awe, you are amazing. You and your girls are going to be ok ❤️

Thank you for all the advice. My head is getting a little overwhelmed so I'm going to take some time to mull it all over and decide whats best.

I'll be back in a couple of days with an update for you all xx

Be prepared because at first they will very happy in the sex filled love nest. She won't be abused and he'll be wining and dining her.

Long term it will be very different though.

OP can I just say bravo 👏 you have been on fire getting everything you need and being one step ahead.
I definitely recommend reading Gingers thread to see some of the curve balls he may try and fly your way so your prepared and not caught off guard.

Remember grey rock it's going to be tough but worth it and keep that head held high!

I don’t know if you are interested but Polly had a long running series about her experiences

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4228998-Polly-and-her-Dollies-continue-to-improve-in-every-way

She kept her head high all the way.

Oh, completely agree this situation needs a solicitor, just pointing out that if he wants to rush into serving papers, he still can even if it’s past 5pm!

@Jessa85 good idea. Take time to think about what you want to do and how you want to proceed.
You have had good advice on here despite the few that are all about the drama. Some post, forgetting that this is about real lives and lived experiences for posters asking for help.
Good luck.

Wow, I glanced at this for some context about how annoying some petty food choices are but DAMN this took a turn. Sending you love and strength OP. Not sure there are words in the dictionary to accurately describe your knob of a husband.

Has the solicitor advised if you can remove half the joint account funds?
In anticipation that he will remove them and fuck off abroad?

100% this.

Sending love and strength OP.

Your girls will be just fine with you as their Mum 💛xx

There doesn't seem to be any concrete plans from your husband to show he's actually trying to find a home to share with this woman or start divorce proceedings. You can't find evidence that he's taken legal advice or even looked for a solicitor. In my humble opinion, I think he's stringing her along, in the hope of having his cake and eating it! He wants wifey and children at home in England, whilst he's living the ex-pat highlife with his side piece! He's about to get a nasty shock that he's been found out and his comfortable life is no more.

I remember your first thread @Jessa85 . What a turn up for the books? Who bloody knew?

Hats off to you, you are doing amazing. 💐

Its easy to have 'drive' when you aren't working full time, have two children and are maid to a man.

Its easy to look amazing and 'not let yourself go' when you don't live with your partner full time, have two children and are maid to a man.

He's seeing the OW done up to the nines to impress him. The other days of the week, she's probably secretly slobbing out in tracking bottoms or stressing over what next she needs to wear to impress him because she is jealous and concerned about the OP and how he is still with her despite professing his love...

And thats the rub. The second she's living with him 24/7 and he's putting in his order for dinner and complaining about whats she's serving him, I wonder how long she'll continue to scrub up for him 24/7. And at what point he regards her as having let herself go or complains that she's a useless cook and how his ex used to feed him so much better.

The reality of him moving abroad and her not getting a visa will be an eye opener for her. How long before she starts to worry about the mistress or when his next visit might be. And how long before he starts saying 'oh i can't come back to the uk, cos i'll be done for maintance if I do'.

Revenge is a dish best served cold for all these reasons. Its enough to know that the fantasy is not reality. No need for fish.

Oh and I'd rather have 'let my self go' and be happy than someone chasing the attention of a shithead and wasting time, money and self esteem to do that.

I very much doubt you have let yourself go OP. You are normal and comfortable - good relationships recognise that we ALL get old and that we won't look like hollywood movie stars and that attractiveness isn't about looking a certain way.

You are more that that.

I actually feel sorry for the OW tbh. Give her pity not anger. Its far worse.