Husbands food preferences driving me crazy - NEW THREAD

[Jessa85]

NEW THREAD for those following my thread from yesterday!

I will post the update of my conversation with my husband in a second.Original thread

Oh and I saw some messages about being clear on the reason for divorce, I will be making it clear that I was going to divorce him prior to the affair discovery... because of all the reasons we all know about. I've put together a lot of evidence into one place, I really need some sleep but producing a whole file of evidence has been very satisfying. He doesn't suspect anything either because I can still see their messages pinging on the ipad, all business at usual on their end... I'll read the messages later when I know he is asleep. I can just see the notification and short text.

Don't worry I changed all that yesterday and changed the account login so he will need to contact me if he wants to look at anything 😂

and thank you, I really appreciate all the support I've received. Without all of it I wouldn't be a few steps ahead so I am very grateful

Good luck! In awe of your strength!

On the OW, he says “she always impresses him with her drive”

Oh the utter utter irony of this, when I have rarely seen someone with such impressive drive as his actual wife- @Jessa85 you are an entire powerhouse, and you keep using that drive to show him what he missed out on.

You are amazing, and you will heal from this and go on to live a much richer and more fulfilling life with your girls.

Just a note on custody - I’m not sure if you’re planning to have the girls 100% of the time, and presumably when he’s in UAE he won’t see them at all. But do you have a support network around you so that you’re occasionally able to get a break and have time for yourself? You’ll also need to rebuild your life as a single mum, to socialise, do hobbies, who knows, maybe even start dating,so make sure you factor time and support for you in as well. 💕

Just read your whole thread through and couldn't leave without saying I'm in total awe of your mental strength and organisational skills. You're amazing, OP, and I wish you and your girls all happiness and luck for the future.

@Jessa85 assuming the OW has a ring doorbell - hope you dress as knockout as you can and stride up to the door in your highest (and least drab) heels to drop the keys 🤣
With the ice cold note advising him you’re done.

I have just read both your threads and honestly, I am in awe! Your life without this selfish stupid loser will be so much better!

Make sure you keep the iPad to see all the messages coming in when you drop the car off. Can’t wait to hear his response!!

Make sure you treat yourself to a good haircut and new outfit before you drop the car off. If she sees you, she will wonder what he is going on about, saying you've let yourself go!

Make sure you've bought all the new clothes for your children for the rest of the year etc.
Gosh he is in for a shock!

OP - Im in awe of you.

Your girls will grow up knowing what a strong woman and mother you are.

I think you should be able to add bolts and chains to your doors. Because I do think that he will turn up at the house for a talk, especially as you will only be in communication via email.

Is there anyone that could stay with you this weekend? I ask, as you may need some RL support etc.

I read your first one about the cooking then just come across this and followed it through, all I can say is you poor poor thing, this is so sad. Once gone it will be like having a tooth extraction, painful at the time but will heal and you will get a fresh life.
Genuinely I would buy some itching powder and discreetly get some in his boxers, only a simple little trick but would cause a lot of upset. But i do feel very bitter about this sort of behaviour.
Yes I am a bloke, the cooking bit was bad, the looking drab bit ffs. Our worth is deeper than looks. And to be having an affair that she knows that he is married is the pits. She is not worth anything - however good he or she thinks she does.
Keep going op for you and your girls.

This is a great idea 💡

Holy fuck op! I've been lurking the first thread but damn this escalated. You are the queen 👑

.

He doesn't know what drive means. But by the time he's worked out just how prepared and thorough you are he'll know all about it. Go OP go go go!!!

You don't need a reason for divorce. Solicitors aren't interested in why. I didn't get anything extra for the fact I'd had just housekeeping for nearly twenty years at the same rate.

@Jessa85 before you dump the car at her joint, buy some packets of cooked prawns. hide some of them on the underside of the seat, in the spare wheel space, in the car fuse space, anywhere which has a lid. and pour the juice from the packet into his clothing bin bags, making sure you get it on his designer favourite jacket and trousers! keep the ipad

Wow @Jessa85 I've just read both your threads. I read the start of the first one a while back but hadn’t realised how much had changed. I just wanted to say you are an amazing strong woman and this is the start of a much better new life for you away from this sham of a man. Your girls are so lucky to have you as a role model.

And give your grandad a hug from the whole of mumsnet.

You need to assume that he WILL be EXTREMELY vindictive and plan for that, at the same time as hoping for the best.

This is the man who has been cheating on you and stealing money from you for years . He’s not going to be reasonable and hand over half of the matrimonial assets, he will fight for everything.

I see the attraction of the plan to drop off his car and his keys. But personally I’d not do it - too much potential for unpleasant drama.

Id just let him come home on Saturday and say that he’s leaving and go “ ok “ with zero reaction, as if he told you that he’s popping out to the supermarket. Just ask him what his plans are to have the children stay with him 50:50.

That will upset him and his mistress far more than drama from you - the thought of the kids with him half the week.

Men like him thrive on the “ my wife is a psycho, that’s why I’m leaving her “ story. The keys through the door thing just proves to the OW that you are crazy and he can fall into her loving arms.

instead you can to send him polite emails asking what part of the week he wants the kids ( which I’m guessing isn’t part of his dream with OW).

He’s going to send you emails back saying that he DOESNT WANT the kids half the time, no doubt dressed up as it’s not being in their best interest, they need stability etc .

Then if you ask for his plans for the children when he’s in UAE - he’s just going to mutter something about seeing them in the holidays . You wont have to fight for sole residence - he will give it to you.

When the kids are older , you can show them how you tried to get their dad to stay in contact with them and he chose to walk away. Otherwise you will get the blame for his choices.

@Jessa85 you are amazing! You will be so much better in life without him around.

Just a thought on dropping the keys around on Thursday. Make sure it's after 5pm so he can't get in touch with a solicitor until Friday at the earliest. You don't want him pipping you to the post with serving divorce papers.

Maybe he DOES know, and he’s just stringing her along as well? Easy bit of attention for him on the side while keeping you as the clueless house servant. Maybe he has no real intention of her moving there at all, and will feign shock when he finds out?

You don’t need reason or evidence for divorce these days, so you’ll have to find a different way to let him know that you were leaving anyway. I’m sure lack of being upset about it all will give him the hint 🤣

Re the camera password - might that not trigger him to realise something is afoot? I’d maybe just disconnect your router any time you’re doing anything you don’t want him to see, that way the cams will be online as usual, but you can’t prevent him seeing things - e.g. you filling or taking his car lol

I think you can raise a petition online yourself now without solicitors. That’s what my DP did when divorcing his ex. They didn’t need settlements etc, just to get the divorce itself to end the marriage. So he probably can serve if he really wanted to. But I think he’ll just be in shock 🤣

I can't believe the gall of this man. You're well on your way to a happier life! Stay safe, as sometimes they can turn up at the door battering it, demanding to talk, pleading, etc. you're setting a good example for your daughters.

I agree with this. I don't think dropping the car off is a good idea.