Husbands food preferences driving me crazy - NEW THREAD

[Jessa85]

NEW THREAD for those following my thread from yesterday!

I will post the update of my conversation with my husband in a second.Original thread

Thank you for all the love and support. I'm reading every message and appreciate you all.

I think delivering the car with all his stuff inside and posting the keys and note through the door is such a classy move. Don't guild the lily by doing anything more than that.

Its clear, precise and deadly in its execution. Your cool calm approach and the deafening silence that will follow will really sting his ego. He thought he was in total control and will learn how wrong he was.

Keep the note very factual and precise. Don't mention you've seen the messages.

I would address the envelope to Mr First Name and Surname.

In the letter I would write:

I have instructed my solicitor ( insert name and firm) to file for divorce, he will be in touch to advise you of the next steps. I intend to push this through as quickly as possible. The girls and I are looking forward to getting on with our lives in a more positive environment.

All future communication should go through the following email address (insert) or my solicitor. I will not respond except through these channels.

Insert your name.

The more cold and professional you are the more it will sting.

Whilst I’m in agreement about being sensible I’m enjoying all the suggestions of petty revenge/ makes you feel better even just the fantasy of it! How about a recipe book for a congratulations to ow? Wonder if she likes marry me chicken (I might cook it Thursday)? I doubt she will like how much he has to pay you….

Wow, what a shift in info you've gained....so glad you've got your fighting head on to get you through this. Which you will.
Just a thought about your girls - do you need, somehow to ensure that the school know and that he will no longer be able to collect them etc. Presume if they have passports, they are safely out of the house but just concerned if he tries any antics.....

Good luck - hope things work out for you OP.

I would do this too, just the idea of him having between now and Thursday squirming would be amusing to me, he would then be trying to figure how to put you off. Would be interesting to know what he responds if you go all in and say we are all coming with you, ive told work, we want to support your career. He will know by the end of the week it's not the case but a couple days sweating would be funny.

I think you are doing all the right things and getting him out of the house is a great idea. The thing is, these affairs are all great when it's a occasional weekend, all trips away and extravagant spending and telling her how awful life is at home, but once he is dumped on her doorstep, the reality will set in. She will see how fussy he is, how controlling and actually it's not all rosy in the day to day life.

I agree with this. Drop the keys with no further info. Keep him guessing. Don't show your hand - just get the papers served. That's a more powerful message and keeps you in control.

Never tell him how you found out about the OW or her address.

His praise of how good she looks, and how little effort you put in to your looks show how deeply misogynistic and shallow he is. It will certainly not be a true reflection of how you actually look. Does he really want some career driven woman cos she sure as shit isn't going to be giving him undivided attention - it's easy to do on a dirty weekend but not in the long term. He sounds pretty sad and shallow 'I just wanted my wifey to adore me, serve me and wait on me hand and foot while wearing 6 inch stilettos and a blow dry every day'. It's not the basis of a strong relationship.

Do you get the impression their messages / their relationship have ramped up recently? Because I wonder if he was thinking she'd be handy to have in the UAE as a domestic servant if he knows you won't go with him. And he'll tell her he's leaving you but had no real intention of following through because once he's back from UAE he'll come back home to his full time domestic servant. I.e; when she said he could move in with her did he seem keen? I ask because this might give you a clue about whether he'd want to try and stay in the house.

I would have loved to see the panic in his eyes if you told him you'd happily move to the UAE, letting him sweat for a bit.

But I can see how you won't want to have to see or speak to him if possible. The car idea is brilliant!

I do think he (and the ow) need to know you're not divorcing him because of the affair, but because of all the much worse abuse over the last ten years.

It will be too easy for him to assume it was the affair, as if he's the victim forced to find love outside the marriage. Pathetic worm.

I took the girls passports, birth certificates and other info to my mums last week so all good.

I’ve removed him as an emergency contact on MCAS. He has never done a school pick up or drop off so he isn’t recognised there.

Whilst he may not be recognised by/at school, your girls will recognise him ! and they would agree that he is their Daddy.

so it is worthwhile letting the school know something.

Jeez @Jessa85 I’ve followed ll the threads and initially thought he was a dick anyway - but this takes the biscuit 😳

go you, take the scumbag to the cleaners.

What a dreadful situation to be in. That said, you are being absolutely amazing and the way you are handling all this sh*t deserves a medal. Your girls are so lucky to have you.
I have no advice to give, mainly because you certainly don’t need it - you have it covered. You have got loads of Mumsnetters behind you and rooting for you.
Keep strong and I hope you soon get the life you deserve. 💐

My goodness, I’ve followed this thread from the beginning. What a turn. Jezza you are an amazing woman and mother, to be served this absolute shitstorm and to be turning it into a better life for you and your girls. They are incredibly lucky to have you.

the car drop off is a great idea, keeps him away from the house. As for telling the girls I think it’s best if you offer him the opportunity first to tell them himself as part of the divorce email. He won’t be able to claim parental alienation of any sort then. If he refuses it’s more evidence of him being a shit dad

Yes agree I’m going down the quiet approach but still giving him the ‘oh shit’ moment when the keys are dropped through the letterbox.

Their messages are pretty consistent, there’s a air of excitement when they discuss the UAE. Neither have looked into that properly it seems. She talks about quitting her job and looking for temporary work out there. There was a lot of excitement regarding him telling me this weekend and moving in with her. Oh I can’t wait for her to realise that mistake

It's ironical he complements her & compares you to her, whilst he spent money on wining & dining her & you had no funds to "better" yourself....

Do they work together ? could she be going too on this posting overseas?
Has she got a partner living with her at that address?
I doubt she is really ready for him to move in. Either way. He can fuck off & find another place to stay.

Wow, just spent last hour reading all this. Congratulations!!!! You are amazing!

I think this should go in MN Classics.
To encourage others.
From fussy food fads to bin bags in the boot
In the space of a few weeks.
Onwards and upwards.

This is one of the most inspirational threads I have ever read. Keep going OP, we are all rooting for you and you’re showing other women how possible it all is!!

Does he have house keys on his car key ring? If so, remove them!

@Jessa85 I have just caught up with the current thread. Wow! You are amazing! I'm full of admiration at the way you're handling everything. Stay strong !

Blimey. I read your first thread just after you posted it but didn't post on it. I had no idea things had moved to this point. You go girl!

Thank goodness you got pissed off about his ridiculous demands on you over his food or none of this would have happened and the next thing is he would divorce you from the UAE.

Well done OP. She will soon get pissed off with the shallow wanker and he will be alone in a foreign land. Arsehole.

Thank you for the messages. I'm happy if one of the good things that comes from this is that it can inspire other women (and men) in my situation to get out and be free

Re the girls - I'll let the school know just in case, i'll pop to see the family liaison officer before I get the girls.

I found her on linkedin, they don't work together.

Just a thought on the home security point - ring doorbells etc, make sure to change the passwords or similar to avoid him having access to anything. Else he might see his car on the drive and you packing everything into it 🤣

separately, I’m in awe of your strength during this - you are a poster woman for doing this right and showing your girls exactly what you do when someone doesn’t acknowledge your worth.

A chain is ok, you are a woman on your own now. If he’s not scaring you you prob have to let him in, but if he’s kicking off you don’t.