Husbands food preferences driving me crazy - NEW THREAD

[Jessa85]

NEW THREAD for those following my thread from yesterday!

I will post the update of my conversation with my husband in a second.Original thread

Quickest divorce is 6 months minimum without financial battles so could be longer if twaty doesn't play ball, sorry for bad language 🙄

Keep it dignified - you go high if he goes low. I would be tempted to have a bit of a Glow up for yourself.

@Jessa85 I am in awe of how you are handling this. You are amazing.
You know there's trouble ahead. He's an arrogant, selfish arse & your life with your girls will be so much better when you're not tip toeing around him.
When you wobble, come back & look at all these messages of support. And keep posting. There's unfortunately plenty who have been through similar who can give you advise 💐

OP is taking advice from her solicitor so won't be doing anything illegal. She isn't changing the locks. He may be advised to move back in but I doubt that would go down well with his girlfriend.

He, on the other hand, has lied about his income and hidden money from his wife. I know whose side I am on.

Aim to keep the moral high ground, op. Thoughts of fish in the car, whilst deeply satisfying, would just raise the anti and immediately mean a more contentious divorce. It would also give him the chance to say to the other woman 'see what she is like?'.

I knew that my xh would respond with anger and verbal aggression when I told him to leave so I kept the front door bolted at all times and a key in the garden door as I knew they were the two doors he had keys for. I accessed the house using a side door that he had no key for. So whilst I didn't change the locks, I also didn't allow him access.

In terms of the house, would you be able to cover the mortgage and bills alone if necessary? Or do you see that the house would need to be sold? Is there money in the joint account that you can transfer out to give you funds for a while?

Who does he think he is? Some Adonis? Were you still sleeping with him? I’m sure he told her you weren’t!

Of course they will have a miserable life, he hasn’t changed who he is. There is no self reflection that maybe he is the problem. I’m sure they will have a honeymoon period but he’ll be a lot less attractive to her once he’s in her personal space all day, expecting her to cook, clean and service him while he controls the money. Which will be a lot less after you have finished with him!

I hope that cottage is still on the market!

Just a note to say, my jokes along with the cat litter etc are to be taken with a pinch of salt. I share the humour here but I'm not going to do anything to jeopardise my aims.

I will be dropping the car off on Thursday and simply putting the keys through the door with a note re my solicitor being in touch.

I'm not changing the locks or doing anything like that without my solicitors advice.

I know posters will say the OW doesn’t owe the OP anything but whilst I agree the husband is a shit of the highest order, I will never understand women who knowingly get involved with married men .
I watched a friend go through something similar . She actually begged the OW to back off ( young DC involved). The OW just said that she wanted him and would win .

The fact that he has not looked into divorce, nor even looked at requirements for moving to UAE for work with an unmarried partner, and talks vaguely about divorce to OW, sounds like he's been stringing the OW on.

After all, you do EVERYthing for him, and if she's as driven etc as he says, she's not likely to do the same for him.

He's a very transactional and money-oriented guy, I'm pretty sure he's done the labour and financial maths: he sees that it's best for him to keep you as the domestic labourer and childcare provider and the OW future faked for as long as possible. This way he doesn't take a financial hit AND he gets sex with another woman AND his shorts washed etc.

So it wouldn't surprise me if he tries to get back to the very very sweet spot he's in right now eg by protesting love for you, that he'll try harder, OW doesn't mean a thing to him etc.

So just prepare yourself for this mind-bending possibility, OP.

From what I understand, he is going to inform you at the weekend so i don't feel he will want to continue living with you anyway - thus he can stay with the OW who seems to be welcoming him with open arms.
Thus dropping his car off saves him any inconvenience.
(Prawns are an effective fish, just a couple can cause such a smell I believe)

Personally I think she is welcome to him, I think she will quickly find the reality of living with him is not as rosy as she thinks/hopes.

You are doing so well, even tho your life as you know it currently is changing in front of your eyes, fortunately right now you are several steps ahead of him - which is wonderful ! esp for all the women on here that have been blindsided in the past or even currently by their husbands.

Your Grandfather is your hero right now ( mine was an ' Uncle ' in Australia ! and not even an Uncle ! he was my Mother's first husband ! strange how life turns out sometimes )

Wowsers he really is a piece of work. Hard to believe that less than 2 weeks ago people were advising you to batch cook his favourite meals.

Drop the keys through the lock but no note re solicitor. That’s telling him something he doesn’t need to know until he needs to know. From now on, tell him nothing until he absolutely has to know.

And practice your messaging until you can get it as politely brief as possible.

He is now on an information diet.

Just a thought, how will the divorce papers get to him? Will you register the OW's address as his address? Or can they be emailed?

Jesus op! Well he's just made it all even easier hasn't he.

Hopefully he wont be awkward about the house, I suspect he will just shack up with the unsuspecting new piece and that's a blessing really. Will mean you don't have to share the house with him between now and August fingers crossed.

I have been following your posts, @Jessa85, and I am so sorry for all you are going through right now - but I am also so impressed with how strong you are being. And if a brief fantasy about his car and the contents of the cat's litter tray are helping you cope, it can only be a good thing!

You are a super star @Jessa85

I'm in awe of your strength 💪

You and your girls are going to have the life you deserve filled with lots of love and happiness.

His mistress gets him, what a prize.

I know whose shoes I'd rather be in.

Keep on going, you've got this

Being really naughty now, can you crack a few eggs on his clothes in boot of car, let the other w sort that out , while shes opening the wine, and do it today so it smells nice 🤣🤣

Before you expose your dv plan , play smart and get as much evidence of his finances as you can. Research a good lawyer.
Most do a free pre consultation.
Don't leave the house.
He can leave if its uncomfortable. Goid luck

She's done all this, read the thread.

@Caroparo52 you're a bit behind the curve, maybe read back a bit

Just to say - well done for everything! This thread is great you sound so focused and proactive. You really sound delighted to be getting out of that marriage. The rest of your life starts here! Another thing I thought about the house is if you lock it from the inside and leave your key in the door, usually someone can't insert a key from outside. So if you and the girls are in, that's another way to stop him getting in but without changing the locks.

Can you do a mail redirection to ow address? I think it's £36 for 3 months.

I wonder if OW will find arsehole husband quite so attractive when she realizes that the divorce is going to impact his finances quite badly...

They can be sent by email

Who wants a man who says he doesn’t want his own children.