Husbands food preferences driving me crazy - NEW THREAD

[Jessa85]

NEW THREAD for those following my thread from yesterday!

I will post the update of my conversation with my husband in a second.Original thread

@PeggyMitchellsCameo I am loving the sausage roll idea. OMG 😂

Also just a thought. Check with your solicitor but I’m sure someone once told me that although an affair doesn’t necessarily effect a divorce you can take into account any money they have spent on their affairs. So if you can match up spend and his ‘away’ days you may be able to recoup some money

@Jessa85 I just want to say I am in awe of the way you are handling this as I have now caught up with the thread. I am so sorry that you had to find out about his affair in this way... on a practical note an STD test may not go amiss.

I look forward to your post after you drop off his car... I do hope you don't dent or scratch it on the way.

Finally, are your phones on a family plan, might be sensible to check that out, along with insurances.

His clothes are packed in the boot already, I don't plan on seeing his face at all 😂
The only thing I haven't put in yet is his work equipment, I've boxed it but not put it in the car yet, I'll do that just before I take it.

The only thing left to do is somehow tell the girls why their dad isn't coming home on Saturday. They haven't asked to call him since he's been away and he hasn't called home. Just a message asking how we all are... oh we are GREAT!!

Not really sure how to handle it with the girls though.

Also op once you have dropped car off, will you block him on all platforms, and have you got an ring door Camara so you can see him approaching the house, trying to cover all possibilities here, he will try and contact you or turn up at property,

@LatteLady thank you, I have booked an STD test at my local clinic for this week.

I'll let you all know when the car has been dropped off... and any fallout that comes from it!

As I was always responsible for setting everything up, I have the account details for all our utilities and insurances etc... my phone is also on my own plan. No family plans. I also have the netflix, disney accounts so I've been in and changed all the passwords.

@Omgblueskys I won't block him because I don't want him to say things like 'she's refusing access to the girls' even though he doesn't care, he could be vindictive like that I suppose.

We have a ring doorbell and camera security system. There are cameras at all access points. I haven't changed the locks, I've asked solicitor for a court order but I have changed the passcodes to our security system and account.

Ask your solicitor and "losing your keys" or a "broken key" so that you get the locks changed.

Tell him he can take you to court to access the house, or go to the police.

Perfect time to tell him, go to the police, I have proof of the horrific coercive control you have subjected me to for years......

I think knowing he cannot enter the house would be good for you and your safety.

Keep it brief and simple for the girls and avoid being critical of their dad (despite the fact he’s a prize bellend). Tell them that you and daddy aren’t going to be living together anymore and reassure them that while they might not see him as much their day to day lives will largely
be the same as mummy will still be here doing all the things you normally do together anyway. Also reassure them they are loved by both their parents and tell them they can talk to you about any sad or worried feelings they have at any time about mummy and daddy not living together. If they ask questions you don’t have the answer to be honest and tell them you don’t know but you’ll try and find out soon and let them know.

Your solicitor will tell you that you can’t change the locks. Or that if you do, you need to give him a key.

However as a woman living alone with children, you should be much more aware of security . So perhaps you should install a chain on the front door and some deadbolts at the top and bottom of your external door/s. That will stop anyone coming into the property with a key when you are at home.

I think you should block him on your phone, & social media, he can email, that way it's all in writing.

If there's any threats over custody & visits, remember to tell your solicitor about his messages saying he regrets having children

I'd hide some fresh fish in his car too, it will smell lovely in a week or so! Good luck with everything OP, it will get better x

I'd post a note to the OW to explain what he will and won't eat and how he likes it cooked so she knows how to cater for his over discriminating palette.

Thank you, Grandad had the same idea then I got concerned I'd still be denying him entry to a home he owns. Although @Gtbb is right, he can go to the Police if he wishes. I'll just wait for my solicitor to confirm what I can and cannot do, or if he thinks based on the history of financial abuse we can get a court order.

Op, well done for taking control.

One thing that worries me a little. Yes, there are women out there who are complete bitches and who will actively do what they can to screw some other woman, but I don't think it's normal. So based on the messages, I'd be very very concerned about what he has told her (and possibly other people) about you and your relationship and the DC, because I don't think it's normal for a woman to be quite so blase. It suggests to me that he's painted you as an absolute monster, and him as the victim, so that the mistress feels she is "saving him" by encouraging him to abandon you and the children like this.

My concern is that this could very quickly up the antagonistic element of this separation, especially if he then has to double down on whatever lies he has been telling.

I think it's great your solicitor is all over this because the sooner you can remove him physically from your lives, the better.

Ah yes good point he can email me! and don't worry I SS and screen recorded all the messages about the girls. I also SS and SR his account information on the ipad so he cannot deny it was him.

I tell you, I looked at the cats litter tray a little differently this morning 😂

I wouldn't block him on everything personally. I think IF he starts sending you absuive messages etc, fine, but for now, blocking him on everything makes you look like the obstructive one. You can, of course, refuse to talk to him on the phone and insist on communication via text/whatsapp/email etc, but blocking is not necessary at this point and I think will be detrimental for you.

I was worried too, looking at the messages he's told her that he stopped loving me years ago, that I let myself go and I don't pay him any kind of attention or make any effort to look good for him. He told her, she's simply the mother of my children and nothing more, that he loves her and how she always impresses him with her drive and how amazing she always looks.

So many messages he mentions how amazing she looks, the photos she sends him its always about her looks. There's more, I just physically cannot bring myself to type it.

Vile. I hope their life is miserable.

When he does finally contact you once the penny drops try really hard not to get into a slagging match or to argue or even reason with him. Keep it straight to the point, minimal and business like.

You don’t need to be sending essays in replies or questions.

“Let’s keep contact between our solicitors”
“The children are free Saturday you can pick them up at 9am”

Don’t waste your breath with anything else.

What an asshole. Make sure you also give his new girlfriend a list of the 5 things he will eat and the 588976 things he doesn’t eat so she can be ready to hit the ground running with cooking for him.

Well done to you for looking out for yourself and more importantly for your kids. Anyone that regrets having their kids does not deserve to have them. Keep a screenshot of his words if it comes to a custody hearing although I doubt it will. I think you can count yourself lucky on this and you get to move on and have a beautiful new life without his sorry ass hanging around your neck.

I wouldn’t get involved in messaging the OW. Keep a dignified silence. She’ll get to know the real him soon enough.

Yes email good paper trail, you can gray rock reply to each one

Make sure you have copies of every bank and investment account number you've found. And evidence of his real salary. Even if you can't access them, a court can order him to provide full disclosure. You may need a forensic accountant since it sounds like he's been up to hiding money for a while and splashing out on a mistress. Those are marital assets he's spent on another woman; perhaps you can claw some of them back.

I hope you leave the car with all his things in it at her front door. Put him on the back foot.

If/when he does see a solicitor, it will be pointed out that he has JUST as much LEGAL right as you to live in the current house, and indeed might be advised to move back in.

I would advise rising above the fun&games (I know they're tempting) to achieve the quickest and smoothest divorce possible. Seems you both want out, and that should make things easier. I fear some of your proposed actions won't help in that regard.

Sorry not to support others. I really do admire the strength you've shown across the two threads.