Husbands food preferences driving me crazy - NEW THREAD

[Jessa85]

NEW THREAD for those following my thread from yesterday!

I will post the update of my conversation with my husband in a second.Original thread

You need to be second -guessing him and taking preemptive measures. Think of it like war strategy, think of him as Trump.

@flippinnorrra
Practically - did he hint at divorce to his AP? Is it likely he has been getting his ducks in a row and speaking to a solicitor as well? about a week ago he told her he was going to tell me this weekend, he said to her 'maybe she'll ask for divorce' he then goes on to say he will see what happens. From the messages, I don't feel he has done any work with a solicitor. There were zero emails to solicitors and no searches in his google history.

Have you got access to joint funds? Have you got enough to live on? To pay the mortgage incase he stops paying? I have access to joint funds, all the bills have come out this month. I have done a massive Sainsburys shop online to stock me and the girls up with a lot of food and that arrives today so the payment has already cleared. I spoke to Grandad, he's been a super frugal saver for 70 years and said whatever I need he will pay. I am so so so lucky to have him. So we are good, we are safe.

Have you managed to see / screenshot all his bank balances - does he banking apps on his iPad? And have you searched for any other evidence of investments he hasn't mentioned? There were banking apps but all set to face id, I couldn't get in them at all. I found emails from two investment firms, I've got SS of all the information I found.

Are you going to go after him for financial abuse as well?
Undecided on this, I need to talk to the solicitor further because as much as I want to see him suffer, I need him working to provide the maintenance that my girls deserve. I don't know if going after him for that would affect his employment. I'm being very cautious.

And there's a world of difference between having an affair and suddenly living with someone - so forcing his hand on this and dumping her on him will fast forward the Fishfingers and McCain's chips reality of life with this awful man. It might buy you time to get the court order so he can't move back in.

It’s a lovely idea!
But prepare for things to get nasty. By having his stuff with her, he has time to prepare. He will know you’ve snooped, they will have time to plan their getaway. I know you’re a few steps ahead, you need to remain that way

Yes unfortunately the key to the ipad drawer has been lost. That damn cat 😏

I think I'm going to do it, I'll drop it off on Thursday afternoon and spoil their two day love-in. Mum will follow me so I'll drop and run.

I'm a few steps ahead, I have copies of his payslips and pension contributions. He can't even hide the investments as I have secret SS of that from last week... and the companies match the emails I found. I believe I have everything, he'll come home to divorce papers.

I am a bit concerned about his plans to go to UAE and whether he is doing this to stiff you over financially. It will be very hard to get money from him if he starts shifting it abroad, particularly as there's no REMO agreement. The timing is all a bit convenient isn't it?

My ex husband was exactly the same as yours and had a number in his head that he thought was fair for our divorce. I should have fought harder for more of the relatively little assets in the split. I ended up with joint lives spousal maintenance.

When I wouldn't give up the maintenance five years later because he decided I'd had enough money, he put me through a two year court case to challenge it. No negotiation, tried to bulldoze me with all sorts of tricks. He even wanted me to downsize my house (not a big house)to release capital. I suspect your husband will have the same mindset.

Please look into a clean break if possible. You can take pension share to live on if you're close to age 55 as part of your settlement. Don't make the mistake of thinking he will abide by any ongoing maintenance or court orders. Get as many assets as possible upfront. And don't be surprised if he drops your daughters in favour of the new woman. Mine hasn't seen his daughter for over ten years.

Awesome plan

Haahaa and then his Dubai lovenest plans will go up in smoke too 😁😁 spoiler alert- it is legal to cohabit unmarried, but there is no visa category for unmarried partners. I really really hope this is legit.for him , not in general.

britishexpats.com/forum/middle-east-60/dubai-unmarried-couple-941341/?styleid=21

Thank you, I told my solicitor everything about the UAE because from the messages I received here I was very concerned. Solicitor told me a lot of things, I told him to do whatever is necessary...forms, court orders, whatever is required. He isn't going to the UAE until August (he confirms that to his mistress) and I know its not permanent and he company has an office here, his address will be here. I think all that helps me.

I'll be quite happy to never see his face again, I've done everything for my girls and will continue to be everything for them. If he never sees them, I don't think that's a bad thing.

Very, very interesting!! I can't wait to see their faces when they realise

My goodness he is the absolute worst of the worst. You on the other hand can hold your head up high knowing you’re a great mother who shows her children what true love (for them) and strength looks like. They are so very lucky to have you. I also am so pleased you have your grandfather’s support and love.
Absolutely drop his car off at hers and post the keys through the door. Perhaps with a little tag saying my solicitor will be in touch.

@LurkyMcLurkinson oh I'll use the girls crafting bits to do a tag now 😂

My employer gave me the rest of the week off so I've got time on my hands 😂

Wow this has escalated from hubby doesn’t like cream sauces. What a piece of work he is.

I have to say not having to deal with my ex husband has been a godsend. But he did do the Disney dad thing for while and convinced her I was the bad one. She sees through that now and recognises the utter selfishness of the man. I hope you get through this quickly and can start a new life without the drain of your husband. 💐

It really has, I'm so glad I posted two weeks ago or things might have been a little different for me when he planned to break the news to me... everything happens for a reason I suppose

@Jessa85 is it worth topping upon some shop vouchers for your main supermarket and getting in anything for the kids birthdays or stockpiling some things for summer offa Amazon etc?

Just normal things you’d buy with joint funds for the family but getting ahead of the game etc?

can you prepay an extra month for any nursery/school clubs?

has anyone got an extra freezer you can borrow to stockpile some goodies?

This is true- you could have been none the wiser about to have your life imploded. And without all the info you have now

In a way, this has spoilt your divorce 'surprise' since now it looks as though you've done it because of the affair rather than just because he was an arse. Having it out of the blue would have been on your terms rather than his infidelity.

However, your car plan is awesome and it will totally spoil the lovely few days they had planned; he'll spend it shitting himself instead.

OP, I've followed this thread since the beginning and you are an amazing, strong, kick-ass woman and I wish you much strength to get through this.

Pop a sausage roll with two plastic forks through her letterbox with ‘dinner is on me guys, enjoy!’
I still cannot get over how these men think they can get away with it.
This man is not just a cheat he is an abuser.

If you really want to give him a nasty surprize Op maybe you should message him that you've thought about it and you'd love to move to the UAE. Don't do it really, just entertain yourself with the idea of them panicking, you deserve something to cheer you up

Fab idea 😂 he’s banking on you not going so he can waltz off into the sunset

Wait, wait…so you get his money and she gets…him? Win!

I LOVE the car idea. Make sure you pack up his clothes and leave them in the car for him so he doesn’t need to come back. I’m really petty and would probably knock on her door to give her the keys (or put in a note) that you are very thankful that she has offered him a place to stay. You thought you were going to have to live with that awful man until August. Thank her for taking him off your hands and tell her you were divorcing him anyway because he’s a terrible person but wish her luck. Say you hope she gets a few good years before his true colours show. As a parting shot I would wish her luck in the UAE and hope she can get a visa considering living with a married man is usually frowned upon there.

@TheCatterall
is it worth topping upon some shop vouchers for your main supermarket and getting in anything for the kids birthdays or stockpiling some things for summer offa Amazon etc? oh good idea, the girls need summer dresses and other bits. I will order now.

can you prepay an extra month for any nursery/school clubs? I'll see if i can pre-pay the next terms clubs already, if not Grandad will help me so the girls won't miss out.

has anyone got an extra freezer you can borrow to stockpile some goodies? l luckily have a spare one in the garage that I use for Christmas bits and bobs, I've turned it back on as I'll need to use it when my food shop arrives later.

What an appalling man, he doesn't deserve you or your lovely daughers. Prepare for a long'ish war: get as much as you can in assets and cash, don't deal with him in person. The financial lies/control could probably lead to charges, but keep that as the nuclear option if he starts being even more of a dick. Perhaps it could be breadcrumbed that you're "thinking about involving the police". That should be enough to make him act reasonably as it will be his precious effing career on the line.