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Original poster

She’s pregnant

219 replies

Newmum20232 · 14/01/2025 20:33

Hi guys,

I need some advice no matter how brutal it is.

Ive been seeing this guy for around 6/7 months and it’s perfect, we met after his relationship just ended which I was a but unsure about but he’s been amazing well it was, I’m head over heels and he’s said he loves me and wants a future including children.

however last week, completely unexpectedly his ex has turned up and said she is 7 months pregnant and it’s his child, she kept it for so long as she wasn’t going to tell him but changed her mind he’s said the dates measure up, they did sleep together just before they broke up and the week later I walked into his life when he came to do some works on my home, he wasn’t looking for anything and neither was I but our chemistry was electric and has been since.

this is such a big shock to us both, he has said he will be doing a paternity test but he does truly believe this could be his baby and a baby he wants to be raising alongside his ex.

What Im selfishly asking is do I stick around? I love this man, he’s fantastic with my son who he met around a month ago, but do I keep this going to watch him become a father in 2 months with another woman, know he’s going to be going round to her home most days, spending some nights to help raise this baby until baby is ready to spend nights away from mum. I’m just lost and my family have told me to let him go but my heart says no but my head says I should. Please help

OP posts:
PurrrSaidTheLiger · 14/01/2025 20:35

I would leave them to figure it out. You need to take control of your fate as they might actually rekindle things you can't just sit and watch.

wriggleigglepiggle · 14/01/2025 20:36

Run

2025letsmakeitthebest · 14/01/2025 20:36

In the nicest possible way, get out now!
Being in a relationship with someone who left their ex 18 months before we met and dealing with all the bs with her and sc even after that time was bad enough. I'd imagine it will be hard for you to see him playing happily families with her when you're been planning on doing the same with him.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 14/01/2025 20:37

Step back. Protect yourself and your child from the possibility of getting too attached.

Holycowss · 14/01/2025 20:37

Run away!

Original poster
Newmum20232 · 14/01/2025 20:37

PurrrSaidTheLiger · 14/01/2025 20:35

I would leave them to figure it out. You need to take control of your fate as they might actually rekindle things you can't just sit and watch.

That’s my fear as although we’ve had something amazing for almost 7 months we are still fairly new, watching him this last week has destroyed me, he’s been out and bought baby things and it’s broken my heart knowing that it’s not a child of ours that this is for

OP posts:
lemonyellows · 14/01/2025 20:38

Yeah, so sorry but I think I would step away

Original poster
Newmum20232 · 14/01/2025 20:39

2025letsmakeitthebest · 14/01/2025 20:36

In the nicest possible way, get out now!
Being in a relationship with someone who left their ex 18 months before we met and dealing with all the bs with her and sc even after that time was bad enough. I'd imagine it will be hard for you to see him playing happily families with her when you're been planning on doing the same with him.

Thank you I appreciate that, it’s horrible, he’s paid for a private scan to go see the baby and it’s just killing me inside but I’m so in love with this man and I truly believed he was the one until last week

OP posts:
Original poster
Newmum20232 · 14/01/2025 20:39

NeverDropYourMooncup · 14/01/2025 20:37

Step back. Protect yourself and your child from the possibility of getting too attached.

Thank you for being honest, it’s just heartbreaking I’m so sad my son has met him, I left it 6 months to be so sure about introducing him and then this has happened

OP posts:
Olika · 14/01/2025 20:40

You need to end it. Those two need to figure out their way of taking care of their baby and the new life that is ahead of them.

outerspacepotato · 14/01/2025 20:41

No. He's going to be a new parent with his ex and his attention should be focused on that, not you.

You introduced him to your young son pretty fast. Slow down next time.

Original poster
Newmum20232 · 14/01/2025 20:41

Olika · 14/01/2025 20:40

You need to end it. Those two need to figure out their way of taking care of their baby and the new life that is ahead of them.

It’s just sad that I have to do this, if he’d of already been a father it would be no issue but watching him become a father with someone that’s not me is killing me

OP posts:
Original poster
Newmum20232 · 14/01/2025 20:42

outerspacepotato · 14/01/2025 20:41

No. He's going to be a new parent with his ex and his attention should be focused on that, not you.

You introduced him to your young son pretty fast. Slow down next time.

I didn’t think 6 months was too soon? Is that really soon in the grand scheme of parenting? What would you advise is a time to wait to introduce?

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 14/01/2025 20:42

I agree with others that you need to walk away. The two of them are starting a whole new big chapter of life together, they need to figure out what that looks like and what kind of relationship they are going to have, that will be his only focus as it should be. Take yourself out of that equation, don’t stand by and watch it all happen because you will torture yourself. 7 months is no time at all and respectfully, knowing he was fresh out of a relationship there was always a risk of him going back, move on.

Original poster
Newmum20232 · 14/01/2025 20:45

Mrsttcno1 · 14/01/2025 20:42

I agree with others that you need to walk away. The two of them are starting a whole new big chapter of life together, they need to figure out what that looks like and what kind of relationship they are going to have, that will be his only focus as it should be. Take yourself out of that equation, don’t stand by and watch it all happen because you will torture yourself. 7 months is no time at all and respectfully, knowing he was fresh out of a relationship there was always a risk of him going back, move on.

Thank you for this message, I really needed this one.
The way you have put it about this being his focus and how it should be is the words I needed he has been to see me everyday since this and you’re right that I need him to focus solely on his child and not me. Thank you

OP posts:
TY78910 · 14/01/2025 20:45

I would try and sus out the OW. Is she likely to be difficult? Cause trouble between you two? Some people can co-parent well and others come with heaps of drama you just don't need in your life.

Keeping her pregnancy for 7 months is manipulative in itself IMO. Why give him so little time to adjust to the news? Baby will come in 8 weeks!! Considering never telling him in the first place? Unless he was abusive then that's also awful. He has the same parental rights as her.

Anyway, it doesn't have to be the end of the world and you may get on just fine as a blended family. You mention you have DC from a prior relationship too. However, it can also be a disaster in the making. You just need to have a sit down with him and honestly talk about the reasons for their break up, what his and OW's intentions are. I'd even be tempted to ask to have a three way convo. It's not like the child was already existing, she's come in to your relationship with dirty boots so to speak.

ShelfyElfy25 · 14/01/2025 20:46

As much as it will hurt to end it now, it will hurt less than watching him become a father with another women and live in fear of them rekindling their relationship. If in 12 months he's figured things out then maybe you'll get back together. But right now you need to walk away.

ShelfyElfy25 · 14/01/2025 20:46

Does he know you're thinking of ending things? What does he have to say about it?

Neodymium · 14/01/2025 20:47

I would take a step back, but he should definitely do a paternity test. I find it very odd that she just appeared at 7 months. I think that she had someone else who she told was the father and he’s now decided to piss off so she’s gone to the next one in line and said he’s the father. If he was the only possible father all along then she would have told him straight away, not 7 months in.

Mrsttcno1 · 14/01/2025 20:47

Newmum20232 · 14/01/2025 20:42

I didn’t think 6 months was too soon? Is that really soon in the grand scheme of parenting? What would you advise is a time to wait to introduce?

Show quote history

I do personally think 6 months is too soon really, especially knowing he was right out of another relationship so always a rebound risk.

You want to be as sure as possible it will last before introducing and I’m not sure at 6 months you can ever really know that. And if she’s 7 months pregnant then you must literally have introduced 6 months from the day you met.

BlondeMamaToBe · 14/01/2025 20:48

I’d leave them to figure it out. It’s only been six months and sounds a bit intense.

devildeepbluesea · 14/01/2025 20:48

Newmum20232 · 14/01/2025 20:42

I didn’t think 6 months was too soon? Is that really soon in the grand scheme of parenting? What would you advise is a time to wait to introduce?

Show quote history

Yes too soon. Personally I’d give it a minimum of 12, months, although being a regular on here I’m not sure I’d ever be prepared to introduce a new partner now.

changecandles · 14/01/2025 20:48

outerspacepotato · 14/01/2025 20:41

No. He's going to be a new parent with his ex and his attention should be focused on that, not you.

You introduced him to your young son pretty fast. Slow down next time.

6 months is not too fast

devildeepbluesea · 14/01/2025 20:48

changecandles · 14/01/2025 20:48

6 months is not too fast

Show quote history

Yes it is.

BettyBardMacDonald · 14/01/2025 20:49

Run for the hills.

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