She’s pregnant

[Newmum20232]

Hi guys,

I need some advice no matter how brutal it is.

Ive been seeing this guy for around 6/7 months and it’s perfect, we met after his relationship just ended which I was a but unsure about but he’s been amazing well it was, I’m head over heels and he’s said he loves me and wants a future including children.

however last week, completely unexpectedly his ex has turned up and said she is 7 months pregnant and it’s his child, she kept it for so long as she wasn’t going to tell him but changed her mind he’s said the dates measure up, they did sleep together just before they broke up and the week later I walked into his life when he came to do some works on my home, he wasn’t looking for anything and neither was I but our chemistry was electric and has been since.

this is such a big shock to us both, he has said he will be doing a paternity test but he does truly believe this could be his baby and a baby he wants to be raising alongside his ex.

What Im selfishly asking is do I stick around? I love this man, he’s fantastic with my son who he met around a month ago, but do I keep this going to watch him become a father in 2 months with another woman, know he’s going to be going round to her home most days, spending some nights to help raise this baby until baby is ready to spend nights away from mum. I’m just lost and my family have told me to let him go but my heart says no but my head says I should. Please help

Bit odd for someone who wants to travel to jump straight into a relationship and to embrace being a father so immediately and whole heartedly. And for her to be the one who didn’t tell him for 7 months..doesn’t add up does it.

spunds to me like he wanted to settle down and she didn’t as she was so young, and then she fell pregnant and decided to keep it, as many women do, but didn’t even want him involved,

this isn’t how he’s telling you. There is way more to this, she’s binned him, and now he’s a crack at what he wanted,

Ah OP, I feel for you.
If I were in your situation, I'd dump him, even though it would hurt. I couldn't watch this unfold, him playing happily families with someone else. Who knows what drama the ex might create, and who needs that stress in life.
He also needs to figure stuff out.

Hmmm, his reaction seems a bit off. He hasn’t heard from his ex in seven months - the exact time you have been together and the exact amount of time she is pregnant. He should be reeling, questioning her, upset that she’s thrown his life into disarray - instead he’s buying baby clothes and paying for private scans? fuck off…

There’s something missing. Have you discussed your future together? If things were so magical between you and you’ve been planning for the future, the first thing he would do is reassure you, explain how he planned to navigate all this drama.

Throw this one back. I think he’s a liar.

You should not be saying it's 'broken your heart' that he's been buying baby clothes and 'it's not for your child' (ie with him.)

I don't know if this is how you normally behave but it's coming over as far too emotional and quite immature.

You've already got a child from another relationship.
Slow down! Don't wreck your child's future by hooking up so fast with any man who likes you or who you like.

I also think you need to let them get on with things and I would word it like that to him that you’re stepping back because they obviously need to sort things with their child, if you’re what he wants he will come back to you but it’s a bit too messy now, give things time…….

Please walk away.
From someone with this experience.

Leave. For the sake of your mental health and your son. Before your son gets too attached and you have to watch this unfold. Walk away with your head held high, wishing them both luck but this is one journey you won’t be on.

This post nails it ⬆️

OP, I’m sorry you’re going through this. I would say there is a good chance they’ll get back together. She is the mother of his child and the reasons they parted ways has shifted significantly for him as he now sounds very excited about becoming a Father. It sounds like they ended because they wanted different things from life, but now they’re both onboard. As heartbreaking as this is, I think take back a bit of control and end the relationship. Don’t suffer watching it all unfold.

I'd say this might make them more likely to get back together - sorry OP.

They didn't just fall out of love, or not get along.

Sounds like he was starting to settle down with you, rather than go travelling or whatever.

Similarly, he's now planning on being a father anyway. So the "wanting different things" is moot.

Maybe she was worried he would try and talk her into an abortion, so waited until she was passed that point?

Sorry though, what a horrible situation for you x

Run!

One of my best friends has just gone through a similar thing. Despite all the talk of love and reassurances that it was my friend he loved he went back to the ex as soon as the baby was born.

100% leave. far too messy.

Are you getting Confessions of a Window Cleaner vibes too?

Agree with this.
Plus the fact she didn't want to tell him is a big red flag for me.

OP if you do stay with this man don't be one of those who goes on about the 'crazy ex' when she's actually just having a normal reaction to what is often insensitivity from the father f(or example if he insists on taking the baby and tries to have you around the baby very early on)

It doesn’t seem likely the way he’s rushed at father hood, and jumped right into a relationship with the op. He’s clearly very keen.

@Newmum20232 call me cynical, but his ex clearly planned to get pregnant- she left it so long because your boyfriend ( her ex) couldn’t then talk her into getting a termination.

She also needs money to pay for the baby, hence dumping this on you now.

An almost identical situation happened to a neighbour years ago-

Woman hid pregnancy then it was announced at 7 months.

Money and support please!

Men really need to be in control of their own condoms and dispose of them immediately- so contents cannot be harvested.

( A legal case happened where a woman used the fresh condom to inseminate herself while one night stand was in the shower
He had to pay, despite her admission of wanting a baby at any price.

I do feel for you, but this is a mess.

I predict he’ll bounce between the two of you, and you may decide to get pregnant to even up the claim in his time- at which point he’ll leave both.

Leave and don’t look back.

This

He sounds like a fantasist.

why can't he at 33 work and buy a house if he was settled?

Why did he leave for that reason?

Have to say I agree with this. 6 months in most couples are still learning things about each other (well I guess you are) and in the very early stages, not planning kids!

You need to look at how quickly you've moved this man into your life never mind your son's life, you cannot fall hard and fast for blokes when you've got children to think about.

I'd walk away and work on yourself.

I'd ger out. I'd have no interest being around when he tries to figure out how to be a dad and and watch them try to figure out co-parenting. Also I do believe his attention should be to try and figure out his new family I really can't see how he can try to forma relationship with your son, deepen your relationship AND do minimum of 50% parenting with his ex.

Yes,let’s blame the woman. Trapping him.

sigh.

I’m sorry OP but what the hell do you expect? Stop being so selfish.

Do you want him to completely shut his ex-down and not be in his son’s/daughter’s life?

This may sound harsh but you need to get a grip here. You’ve only known this man for 7 months and you’re upset that he’s excited and stepping up for his first child?

This is only going to get worse for you in the long run if you stay together. You will become even more upset and jealous when this baby is born, so it’s time to back off now.

This must have been the most horrible shock for you OP . I would say walk away. there is only going to be trouble ahead, lots of heightened emotion when the baby arrives. If you end things now it is like ripping a plaster off, it stings and you feel it intensely. Pull the same plaster off slowly over the coming months and the pain will be with you for much longer. I am sorry that this has happened to you.

If you love him then you stick around and see if it can work. You give it a chance. You were willing to when he didn't have this complication. It doesn't say much if you now say not interested.

In my opinion. That's the harder route though, I know. It asks a lot more of you.

But if he is so amazing and you are so great together then this is the price you pay.

However great he has been up to now, continuing in this relationship is going to make you miserable in the long run. Just don't do it to yourself is my advice.