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Original poster

She’s pregnant

219 replies

Newmum20232 · 14/01/2025 20:33

Hi guys,

I need some advice no matter how brutal it is.

Ive been seeing this guy for around 6/7 months and it’s perfect, we met after his relationship just ended which I was a but unsure about but he’s been amazing well it was, I’m head over heels and he’s said he loves me and wants a future including children.

however last week, completely unexpectedly his ex has turned up and said she is 7 months pregnant and it’s his child, she kept it for so long as she wasn’t going to tell him but changed her mind he’s said the dates measure up, they did sleep together just before they broke up and the week later I walked into his life when he came to do some works on my home, he wasn’t looking for anything and neither was I but our chemistry was electric and has been since.

this is such a big shock to us both, he has said he will be doing a paternity test but he does truly believe this could be his baby and a baby he wants to be raising alongside his ex.

What Im selfishly asking is do I stick around? I love this man, he’s fantastic with my son who he met around a month ago, but do I keep this going to watch him become a father in 2 months with another woman, know he’s going to be going round to her home most days, spending some nights to help raise this baby until baby is ready to spend nights away from mum. I’m just lost and my family have told me to let him go but my heart says no but my head says I should. Please help

OP posts:
Lavender14 · 14/01/2025 21:03

Ah op that's really hard. You're new enough in a relationship that this would be very tricky to navigate but long enough for it to hurt.

I think, given that you have a child already and they've met him - I would be inclined to take a massive step back incase this gets messier. And tbh I think that's very likely.

Regardless of what happens this guy is not going to be in a position to support you, date you and generally meet your needs the way you would want a partner to do because if he's a decent guy he'll be stepping up to support his ex. And it's important that his child has that time and attention from their father too and that will last a long time. Then you factor in the emotions and all the history and how dependent him and his ex will be on each other and figuring out co parenting boundaries. I just think all of that is going to be extremely difficult for him to navigate successfully while still building a new relationship with you.

I would be inclined to let him go. And I wouldn't be waiting around to see if he comes back to you but if in the future they know what they're at and there is absolutely no possibility of a rekindling between them and it happens between you then so be it. But I think you'd need to be prepared for it not to go that way and not be putting your own life on hold.

BlondeMamaToBe · 14/01/2025 21:06

They will be excited and bonding over the baby. She probably can’t believe he’s reacted so well which will give her hope.

I wouldn’t want to be in the background of that.

Sunraysunday · 14/01/2025 21:07

i agree with @Fargo79… sadly the reason they split up is irrelevant now, the baby is coming and I think you'll
just be waiting for something to happen between them, which will
be torture. Better to end it now on good terms and have possibility that something may happen in the future… the worst timing :/

JammySlag · 14/01/2025 21:07

I would say minimum a year.

Roryno · 14/01/2025 21:07

I wouldn’t be splitting up just yet. The odds of them rekindling a relationship that’s been over for many months because there is a baby is unlikely. Babies put a strain on a relationship if anything. But he definitely will be bringing up his baby and will have to have contact with her of course. I’m quite surprised that’s an issue for you when you already have a child with your ex. I don’t see the difference personally (I’m a stepmum). Personally I’d stay calm, have a chat with him about how you’re feeling, see what he thinks/says, and sit back and see how things go. It might not be easy, particularly initially, but that’s not to say it’s curtains for your relationship.

momtoboys · 14/01/2025 21:08

NEXT!

Ger1atricMillennial · 14/01/2025 21:08

Agree with others, give them space. Go travelling to get away from this difficult situation.

It will wreck your brain trying to get your head around it, and you will never truly trust him which is a shit situation to be in.

Time to be a friend to yourself xx

RedHelenB · 14/01/2025 21:10

ShelfyElfy25 · 14/01/2025 20:46

Does he know you're thinking of ending things? What does he have to say about it?

This.

AxolotlEars · 14/01/2025 21:12

I would walk away too. Life has so many challenges. You don't need to participate in this one. You've been together such a short period of time.

TheBoysAndTheBallet · 14/01/2025 21:16

TwistedWonder · 14/01/2025 21:01

There’s a few flags that jump out of your OP tbh

You met him a week after he split with his ex and he was sleeping with her right up until the end - did she actually know they’d split up?

You’ve only got his word that he didn’t know she was pregnant. Maybe he's known a while and been biding his time his to break the news to you

You say he’s fantastic with your son but they only met a few weeks ago so he’s on his absolute best behaviour right now. And I do agree 6 months is early to introduce a new man into a child’s life.

They broke up because he wanted to travel and yet he’s jumped straight into a rebound relationship. They doesn’t quite ring true

The language you use about this man is telling. It does seem you’re wearing rose tinted specs which are hiding the red flags.

Edited

Another red flag: the way you met. No way are you the first person he's pursued after doing work in their house.

MounjaroOnMyMind · 14/01/2025 21:17

I think his ex has been very unfair not telling him earlier.

Having said that, I would end the relationship now as I just couldn't bear to see my partner with the baby he'd had with another woman. It would be too painful.

In another few months you'll be over him if you end it now. If you continue with the relationship it'll be a nightmare for the next few months.

Do you think his ex wants to get back together with him? Why did they split up?

GivingitToGod · 14/01/2025 21:17

Newmum20232 · 14/01/2025 20:37

That’s my fear as although we’ve had something amazing for almost 7 months we are still fairly new, watching him this last week has destroyed me, he’s been out and bought baby things and it’s broken my heart knowing that it’s not a child of ours that this is for

Show quote history

Time to say goodbye and I hope he goes back to his ex girlfriend and baby.
Best option all around

CinnamonJellyBeans · 14/01/2025 21:18

Now he has a baby with his ex, he will never truly be yours.

GoldenSunflowers · 14/01/2025 21:19

This has the potential to get messy and very un-romantic very soon. I’d end it now.

SchoolDilemma17 · 14/01/2025 21:20

Newmum20232 · 14/01/2025 20:42

I didn’t think 6 months was too soon? Is that really soon in the grand scheme of parenting? What would you advise is a time to wait to introduce?

Show quote history

Far too soon. And now he is affected by this mess whatever happens.

InWalksBarberalla · 14/01/2025 21:20

Newmum20232 · 14/01/2025 20:51

I truly thought he was the one, honestly the second he walked into my home to do the works I was head over heels and from how the last 6 months have been I think he is too. The thought of walking away from that love is what terrifies me, I’d love for us to of been forever

Show quote history

Honestly it sounds like your hormones are doing the all talking (and thinking) here.

SchoolDilemma17 · 14/01/2025 21:21

Roryno · 14/01/2025 21:07

I wouldn’t be splitting up just yet. The odds of them rekindling a relationship that’s been over for many months because there is a baby is unlikely. Babies put a strain on a relationship if anything. But he definitely will be bringing up his baby and will have to have contact with her of course. I’m quite surprised that’s an issue for you when you already have a child with your ex. I don’t see the difference personally (I’m a stepmum). Personally I’d stay calm, have a chat with him about how you’re feeling, see what he thinks/says, and sit back and see how things go. It might not be easy, particularly initially, but that’s not to say it’s curtains for your relationship.

You don’t know if what he is saying is even true. Maybe he has known for ages or is even still with his ex

Callmeprickly · 14/01/2025 21:23

My DH and his ex split while she was pregnant (they’d not been together long so not much history). We started seeing each other when she was 7 months pregnant.

I wouldn’t change what we have now but I cannot describe how hard it has been. I mean, so fucking hard!

Seven years on and it’s only just getting easier, and I still wish things were different sometimes.

I didn’t have any DC to consider then either n

GivingitToGod · 14/01/2025 21:23

Newmum20232 · 14/01/2025 20:49

So they ended the relationship because they wanted different things, he wanted to travel, buy a house, go up in his career (he’s 33) and she was very adamant of wanting to settle down young (she’s 25).

For me I do believe she wasn’t taking her birth control etc when she told him she was as she wanted to settle down young but for the last 7 months he’s heard nothing from her and she’s only been back in his life for a week, I don’t know if she would try and come between us, she said she didn’t tell him as it’s not something he wanted yet but the further along she got the more she felt he should be involved

Show quote history

She is having a baby, I hope she gets back with ex partner.
This is best for all OP
You and him aren't going to work out

FairFuming · 14/01/2025 21:24

I wouldn't be getting myself or my child involved in that mess. It's never going to be plain sailing. You're relationship is super new and his life is about to change forever.

Querty123456 · 14/01/2025 21:24

Time to do the right thing and step back. Better to do it voluntarily than to eat yourself up with jealousy wondering if they’ve got/ getting back together again. Which, for the baby would probably be the best thing.

ChristmasGrinch24 · 14/01/2025 21:24

It's gonna be like a smithy & nessa situation. Leave. It's messy. You have a kid to think of.

Wildwalksinjanuary · 14/01/2025 21:24

I would wait for a paternity test confirmation, in the meantime my son would not be seeing him anymore and I would probably just date, dinner and nothing more.

It would be worth asking how he intends to parent, will he be staying over night? He sounds so enthusiastic, that alone would make me want to end things completely. He will be experiencing something you can’t be part of for quite a while.

If he truly loves you then he will find a way to be with you when this settles down op.

HPBrownSauce · 14/01/2025 21:25

What kind of man breaks up with a woman who's long term, and rebounds straight away with someone whose house he is working on?

Not a decent man.

He'd barely climbed out of bed with her than he was in bed with you.

No time on his own to reflect on what went wrong and not repeat mistakes.

He's already been unreliable with her. Yes, ok, she may have stopped taking the pill to trick him into pregnancy but if their relationship was THAT bad why have sex anyway and why not use condoms? He surely could have predicted she might try to trap him this way.

You need to let this one go.

CenotaphCorner · 14/01/2025 21:25

How about a different perspective? Have a conversation with him and try to establish boundaries recognising things will be a little different for a while. Life’s not a straight road and love is all about all of the emotions so make it work! Don’t just run at the first sign of trouble or you’ll be running for ever.