She’s pregnant

[Newmum20232]

Hi guys,

I need some advice no matter how brutal it is.

Ive been seeing this guy for around 6/7 months and it’s perfect, we met after his relationship just ended which I was a but unsure about but he’s been amazing well it was, I’m head over heels and he’s said he loves me and wants a future including children.

however last week, completely unexpectedly his ex has turned up and said she is 7 months pregnant and it’s his child, she kept it for so long as she wasn’t going to tell him but changed her mind he’s said the dates measure up, they did sleep together just before they broke up and the week later I walked into his life when he came to do some works on my home, he wasn’t looking for anything and neither was I but our chemistry was electric and has been since.

this is such a big shock to us both, he has said he will be doing a paternity test but he does truly believe this could be his baby and a baby he wants to be raising alongside his ex.

What Im selfishly asking is do I stick around? I love this man, he’s fantastic with my son who he met around a month ago, but do I keep this going to watch him become a father in 2 months with another woman, know he’s going to be going round to her home most days, spending some nights to help raise this baby until baby is ready to spend nights away from mum. I’m just lost and my family have told me to let him go but my heart says no but my head says I should. Please help

I would step back for now.
It sounds like they broke up because of a difference in aspirations rather than a personality issue.
I think for any relationship with you to work you'd have to have seen that he genuinely didn't want anything with her, and the only way to tell that is removing any outside influence or guilt from the equation.
If in a year or so they still aren't together and he's settled in as a dad you can always try again then at an age where the baby will be able to have contact in a regular way rather than them basically being like a family unit then coming back to you.

''Also if you say you were head over heels for him from the moment he walked into your house, it says to me that he is a complete charmer and could be behaving like this towards other women he is doing work for as-well.''

Ain't that the truth! ☝️

I have seen {some} tradesmen be utterly charming, and some indeed have had sex with their clients...my friend did! {Edit...friend was the client}

However, a truly professional tradesman would not do such a thing, as it's a serious no no.

Run for the hills what a mess. And meeting you so soon after leaving her he's not thar nice a guy.

It's far too soon.

I'm sorry love, but it's too complicated, too much for such an early relationship. I'd walk away for now - he needs to figure out what this new parenting scenario might mean with his ex.

Exactly!

You might have a wonderful relationship there OP, but it's very intense and he's future faking you. Probably did the same to the last one. Baby or not it's too soon to know if it was ever going to work out, you're still in the honeymoon period.

Sorry Op but there's no such thing as ' the one' we are capable of falling in love more than once. Being compatible is something different altogether. I'm happily married and was instantly interested in my husband, we hit it off so so well and the chemistry was amazing but that's lust, not love, that comes later as you get to know each other better. It takes time to know if you're compatible or not. You have a child so it's important that you become more aware of the difference between lust and love. I was a single mum for 10 years, my children had weekends with their Dad so I had time to date. My children didn't meet anyone I dated until I met my husband and I was confident that it would go the distance ( our morals/ values and life goals aligned), that took just over a year but he was fine with taking it at my pace and agreed that the children's stability was more important than our whirlwind feelings so things couldn't be rushed. Been together 9 years, married 5 years this year. Take your time, the type of role model you need for your child will understand that single parents need to act with caution. The children have already been through enough with the breakup of the family.

I get the impression that he probably very quickly dropped her for you. Maybe that’s why she felt she couldn’t tell him about the pregnancy straight away. He had sex and then very quickly you turned up.

Id be booking an STI test asap as I’d be surprised if he wasn’t full of shit, overlapped with both of you and likely to have been sleeping with his other customers. I don’t think this is the fairytale you think it is.

I agree men often move on to new relationships quickly. However, based on real life experiences and reading the threads on here there are also a huge amount of women that don't take time to heal their wounds and move on to the next one, often with negative consequences.

I've been through a similar situation and it's really hard, fortunately I was only a couple of months in before she told him. I had a lot of other things going on so I found the crazy situation quite easy to walk away from.

Yes this is painful for you but it can eventually end.
If you continue witj him you will always feel the other woman to his first child.
This is a huge new first for him and it will eat you up.
YOU deserve better than this and your child deserves better than seeing his mum in obvious pain.

I'm so sorry, rip that plaster off now.

She's done the right thing. Where there is no abuse children need fathers in their lives. And fathers have rights and responsibilities too.

He's doing the right thing in being engaged.

She has the magnet she probably wanted to attract him back. Incidebtally, if they were so rocky, wanting different things bla blah, why no contraception? Did she go off pill in hope?

I'd be out.

Adding to the chorus of end it now - for everyone's sake.

Don't be sad about your son having met him, it's only been a matter of weeks so it's not like he's an important person in your son's life. Also maybe wait a bit longer before introducing people next time - I personally don't think there's a right or a wrong length of time, it depends on the circumstances. But those circumstances, where he ended a relationship one week and started a new one with you the next - I think you should definitely have been more cautious.

Run

She never wanted to end the relationship. She wanted to build a family and life with him.

He wanted to travel yet he's settling with you and your child one week later. Why start a relationship with a single mother if you want to travel??

I would totally expect the dates to actually overlap. And more lies to come out.

Best case senario he is telling the truth. But would you want more kids yourself? Could this happen with him? Could he afford/want more?

At 7 months I would wish him luck and walk away. Focus on your son. He can be a nice memory.

Also the guy that I was seeing actually slagged his ex off quite a lot saying she was crazy etc. I just thought they were both crazy and left them to it. they are still together now and married with 3 children. So yes the child is the magnet/trap.

Too complicated. Cool things off. Let the baby arrive/maybe see in a year or two if both still single. this ones got far too much going on in his life atm!

Is she really 7 months pregnant?

It's very odd for a woman to wait 7 months to tell the prospective father, especially if he's not been abusive (which presumably he hadn't been if she's now wanting him to be involved and it's all systems go).

Have you only heard/had it verified by him that she's 7 months pregnant, and that it was kept from him until recently??

I'd be curious about what she would have to say and whether it lines up with what he's saying.

Unless you have actually met this woman in person @Newmum20232 how would you know she is pregnant?

The man you've met could be making up a whole load of lies.

Maybe he just wants to end things with you?

And, without knowing if he's living with you full time, could he be stringing both of you along?

As a contactor he could be telling the other woman he's working away- who knows?