She’s pregnant

[Newmum20232]

Hi guys,

I need some advice no matter how brutal it is.

Ive been seeing this guy for around 6/7 months and it’s perfect, we met after his relationship just ended which I was a but unsure about but he’s been amazing well it was, I’m head over heels and he’s said he loves me and wants a future including children.

however last week, completely unexpectedly his ex has turned up and said she is 7 months pregnant and it’s his child, she kept it for so long as she wasn’t going to tell him but changed her mind he’s said the dates measure up, they did sleep together just before they broke up and the week later I walked into his life when he came to do some works on my home, he wasn’t looking for anything and neither was I but our chemistry was electric and has been since.

this is such a big shock to us both, he has said he will be doing a paternity test but he does truly believe this could be his baby and a baby he wants to be raising alongside his ex.

What Im selfishly asking is do I stick around? I love this man, he’s fantastic with my son who he met around a month ago, but do I keep this going to watch him become a father in 2 months with another woman, know he’s going to be going round to her home most days, spending some nights to help raise this baby until baby is ready to spend nights away from mum. I’m just lost and my family have told me to let him go but my heart says no but my head says I should. Please help

OP, you've known him 5 minutes. Let him go. He will be tied to his ex forever, you don't need that mess in your life. I also doubt you're the first woman he's done work for and fell into bed with 🙄
And don't do what many do in this situation and think that having your own baby will give you a stronger hold. Just walk away with some dignity and leave them to sort it out themselves.

Sounds like way too much hassle, I couldn’t be bothered. This early in a relationship it should be having fun and getting to know each other. Not him buying baby grows and you having spare time dominated by baby visitation sessions. As you said it is all very Jeremy Kyle isn’t it

Kindly OP, but I thought all my exes were the One after just seven months. It's still the honeymoon period, I would argue.

I'd be moving on personally but it could work between you. Good luck whatever your decision.

Break things off. Maybe he'll come back in a while, maybe he won't.

So he wants an DNA test, yet is buying baby things?

He walked out of one relationship straight into you?

Has he moved in?

The other thing OP is that after 6 months you cannot start regarding this man as the one to spend the rest of your life with and be a step parent to you son.

Kindly, get a grip. It's far too soon to even think of him as a long term partner without the complications of his ex and the baby. You were in lust - not love after 6 months and him on the rebound.

Ask your self do you want to be in all this drama.

I’m head over heels and he’s said he loves me and wants a future including children.

You've been talking about settling down and having a family but he ended it with his ex because he wants to travel and grow his career and she wanted to settle down and he didn't want that yet?

She kept the news from him because she knew he didn't want this yet?

So sorry to read what you’re going through OP
I think you know what you need to do though, although it will be difficult and painful for you, it will be less so now than after the baby is born - you will find yourself in even more turmoil in a few months from now… and way beyond.

You are his rebound woman.

He sounds immature and fickle.

Why would he split up with his ex because he wants to travel and pursue a career yet he's saying he wants a family with you?

You're not thinking straight.

Sorry to hear this OP. Sounds like a lot of drama for a fairly new relationship, and better to end it.

OP, you might want to look at the mixed messages this guy is sending. He's told you he wants a future including children. But he broke up with ex because he wanted travel and make more money but wanted to also buy a house, while she wanted to settle down. Even knowing that she wanted to settle down, he apparently didn't use condoms. He hit on you the week after they supposedly broke up.

He sounds like a love bomber who moved really fast. Do you by any chance have a house?

Ah I really feel for you. What a horrible situation. I think you should walk away, as hard as that may be.
You've said yourself how hard you're finding it already (I would too)
Sorry you've found yourself in this situation. Wishing you happiness in the future

I'd leave for not using contraception when the relationship was on the rocks.

Step away for your own mental health. Let this one go. Not worth the mental pain

It's all about the sex and having someone crazy over him- ego boost.

How old is your son?

My DC is older now and I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone with a young child personally.

Your relationship is going to change massively.
But I would just take a step back and take it a day at a time and see how you feel.

It may work, it may not.
You just need to be aware that things will be very different but I don’t think you need to make any decisions right now.

I too think you’re moving very fast.
He’s not had time to move on from his previous relationship, which is important before starting a new one.

You seem to already be thinking about love and the future and it’s only been 6 months!

I think you’re going to end up getting hurt.

I have been in this situation. 7 months in a relationship with my ex. In love, felt perfect etc. his ex turned up 8 months pregnant.

they had been split up for about a year, but had a one night stand before we met. We lasted a few weeks

he was excited, angry and confused. I was shocked, upset and disappointed. I stepped back to give him space. Selfishly I decided I didn’t want to adjust to the new norm as my life had changed as well as his. As much as I loved him I couldn’t be part of this and I had no right to be part of it.

we agreed to end it and keep in touch. We still do and he is loving being a dad, but I didn’t feel the same.

6 months is way too soon, should be at least 12-18 months when children are involved.

There was a post on here a few months ago from a woman who was kind of flirting with a contractor who had come to do work in her house. It wasn't you was it?

Even so, run. RUN A MILE. This is not going to end well and you'll end up badly hurt regardless.

I know it's just words but saying this is killing you is over dramatic. Nothing should be killing you when you have a child to care for. Six months is too soon as proven by the mess you're in now but it can be cleaned up. Walk away.

I doubt he’s the father. She’s waited this long to hedge her bets. Tell him don’t get too attached till he gets the test results.

With respect - you have one failed relationship already. How old is your son and are you also jumping into a rebound relationship?

Maybe he had split with his ex, maybe he was cheating on her with you - either way he was not progressing his career and travelling.

If you are not ready to run away then keep him away from your son, generally advise is to wait at least a year.

Sorry but 6 months is hardly a long time to wait before introducing a man to your kids.

You don’t really know a person well enough in that time IMO.

I like the above answer. He hasn't done anything wrong, has been hit by mind-blowing news, just as you have. You probably wouldn't like it if he was hard hearted and told her to get on with things, and didn't want to know about her or the child.

That said, if its tearing you apart now, I think it'll only get worse. So, how about having a break, a temporary break? He could use the time to get used to the idea, see how the news affects his feelings about her. You could reassess your own feelings, and in six months, even a year, arrange to meet if its what you both want?

Sorry if it's a bit 'Disney', but it seems a shame to call time on something that seemed so special before any of you have had time to sort yourselves out. If, IF you do decide to go ahead with him, I do think the three of you should all get together and have a good chat about each of your expectations.
Good luck, it's a horrid situation that you've ended up in x