He’s got someone else hasn’t he?

[Imustbestupid]

So, my partner of 10 years today suddenly said he had to drive an hour away to meet someone for business. I can’t explain why but I felt a bit off about it. Just his manner somehow. He has, in the past, messaged another woman but I know it went no further. Just flirty comments on his behalf. I saw them all and she shut him down. Anyway, he swore it was over and that was it. This was over a year ago. I tried to get over it but I have to confess I never forgot and never really did get past it. Today, he was gone for five hours. Claimed he has been shopping as well as the business meeting but no shopping to show for it. His phone bleeped and it was a message from a woman on WhatsApp. He literally has no women friends. He has been unusually attentive since getting home. I am going to check his WhatsApp when he is asleep later. Just need a handhold for what I think I will find. Thank you

Youre not stupid at all. You knew he was cheating, you have your own home and you didnt marry him!

Stop beating yourself up, you did well to get rid of him👏👏

I have had a large gin and tonic and I really want to tell him what an absolute b**tard he has been but I have refrained and sent civil bit cold emails about him getting his stuff out of here. I am in control now (repeat to self and maybe start to believe it!)

Please stop blaming yourself; he had you and your family, and probably your friends, fooled by the sound of it.

Would it be easier to just bag his stuff into bin liners and placed by the door ready for him to collect, rather than have him back in your house for any length of time?

You are incredible. No other words for it. Well done, and best of luck with your bright future without that sad excuse for a human.

Yes, don’t write anything that could possibly make you look bad, there is a high chance he would show it to others

Save it for when you see him face to face, I think you deserve to vent a bit on him to get it out of your system

Yes, you are definitely in control now

Oh gosh, thanks everyone, I can’t tell you how much of a support you have been today. I’m still an absolute mess of emotions but venting on here has stopped me saying anything mad to him. I’ve sent a couple of very calm and controlled emails. I’ve used mumsnet I think twice in the past and you’re a wise lot. Very grateful for all the messages.

This might be the gin talking but you lot - and my big orange cat - have literally got me through the day.

OP, your message of 10:10 today really made me feel for you. I wish you were round the corner so we could meet for a coffee and I could reassure you to your face how much of a pig this man has been. I’ll cheers your gin!! 🍸🍸 x

Honestly, why wait? Tell him you aren't happy and you need him to leave. You don't need an excuse to end a relationship.

So he has replied to my emails about furniture and clothes etc and will be collecting his clothes tomorrow. He’s leaving me the furniture. I ended one email saying I hope your new situation was worth all this. (ie total relationship devastation) and he said ‘my new situation is not being pursued’ - so he’s not even seeing her again!!!! What the hell! He did it all for nothing?! I’d almost rather he was seeing her again.

Be careful, he may be trying to win you back

To his comment “it’s just a game”
So is Red Light, Green Light. And we know how that ends if you make a wrong move

@Imustbestupid reality has dawned. I give it a month before he begs to reconcile.

DO NOT TAKE THIS CRETIN BACK
LET HIM STEW AND GREY ROCK HIM

He’s already begging. Nothing happened with her. He wants to save our relationship.

But there were ‘faults on both sides’. Yeah right. Like I went on a hook up website and went off to meet a guy. WTF?!!!

So he’s ’chosen to fight for me and our relationship’. Hahahahahaha

Stay strong and stand your ground, think about the fact that he has been abusing you for years and the breakup is not just about this particular event

A bit less than a month! Right now actually

If nothing happened with her it’ll have been because he’s been a bit distracted with you throwing him out, and him scrabbling around looking for a new place, but it’s very likely he’s been involved with other women previously .

It’s highly unusual for a woman to catch a man the first time he tries to cheat.

And for all you know it could’ve been the woman who called time on their seedy little arrangement. He’s went to all this bother to find a swinger or whatever, I doubt he’d be turning her down if it was being offered.

oh how i hate men. sending you lots of strength OP! X

Schadenfreude my heart bleeds for him, not.

He went to an awful lot of effort to meet up with her. You couldn’t trust him as far as you could throw him.

Keep strong he doesn’t deserve you. You will be ok 💐

So sorry OP. I've been cheated on and I didn't have a clue till his neighbour told me a woman was staying overnight at his flat when i wasn't there. It took me ages (years) to realise that if the neighbour had noticed it enough to tell me it was unlikely to be just a one off.

To my shame I tried to ignore it ( I was still in the phase of thinking it might have been a one off at that point) but I could never trust him again and it just ruined things. I think I felt angry and resentful and humiliated.

We broke up eventually. Prior to that I was a complete bitch to him just because as I said I felt angry and hurt and humiliated like he had ruined everything. The lack of trust eats away at you and drives you mad and you lose all peace of mind.

I live alone now and gave up on dating/relationships 10 years ago. Got a dog and live a nice peaceful life. Sure sometimes it's a bit lonely and I miss having help with DIY etc but nothing is worth the emotional torture of someone lying to you and making you feel you are going mad.

Stay strong. He sounds like he had a really sweet deal with you and so I understand why he is now frantically back peddling trying to get you back. You'll never be able to see him the same now though. Big hugs