He’s got someone else hasn’t he?

[Imustbestupid]

So, my partner of 10 years today suddenly said he had to drive an hour away to meet someone for business. I can’t explain why but I felt a bit off about it. Just his manner somehow. He has, in the past, messaged another woman but I know it went no further. Just flirty comments on his behalf. I saw them all and she shut him down. Anyway, he swore it was over and that was it. This was over a year ago. I tried to get over it but I have to confess I never forgot and never really did get past it. Today, he was gone for five hours. Claimed he has been shopping as well as the business meeting but no shopping to show for it. His phone bleeped and it was a message from a woman on WhatsApp. He literally has no women friends. He has been unusually attentive since getting home. I am going to check his WhatsApp when he is asleep later. Just need a handhold for what I think I will find. Thank you

Well you are in a position now to voice your opinions freely and tell him what a piece of shit he is and you shouldn’t hold back in doing so, he can no longer control you

My first husband was a serial cheater, and now I'm married to a trustworthy, adorable chap who can cook do diy, cares, loves me to bits. So it can happen. We've been married for 20 plus years.
It took many years to get my trust. I think my view was subconsciously that all men are cheating idiots, which is certainly not true.
Looking back I would have paid a private detective and then divorced him immediately, or is this just in films?
You sound so strong and deep down very sorted. All power to your elbow!!

@Imustbestupid
I need to realise what a piece of filth he really is. He had me fooled for a long, long time. I need to realise what a piece of filth he really is. He had me fooled for a long, long time

Sorry you are having to deal with this OP
your username is totally wrong as you are NOT stupid, and he did fool you BUT only because you are a trusting wife… he has been found out and not only cheated and lied to you but tried to downplay it and gaslight you by making out it’s just ‘a game’ what an absolute twat and an insult to you and your loveliness… the only way is up from now on … it will be hard as it’s a 10 year habit you have broken but you are a very strong lady who deserves so much more … you will feel lighter / happier / stronger and excited in the not too distant future ❤️ try new things like courses / languages / travelling / hobbies / joining clubs / sports / cookery etc.
Good Luck to you 🍀 and good riddance to that trash 🚮

Very sorry to be asking this question, OP, but have you had an STI test?

@Orchidacea There’s no need to ask that question is there? It’s none of your business and other posters have already suggested it

I hope his balls explode painfully.

Goodness, what a thing to say!

@Orchidacea Eh?

Unclutch your pearls! It's standard and entirely sensible advice given on mumsnet to any poster who has discovered their partner has cheated - make sure you get an sti test!

that's directed @Sidebeforeself

What a scum bag - you 100% deserve better xxx

@SealHouse the poster wasn’t advising her to get one .. she was asking if she’d got one which is nobody’s business. Others had already given that advice so it was completely unnecessary and possibly distressing given that it’s only the following day!

I am so very sorry to hear about his awful behaviour @Imustbestupid , but you have handled yourself beautifully, and I truly believe you can move on to better things.
Wishing you the best of luck x

I've not worried about that to be honest but I might get one. Given that he is such an absolutely sh** liar - I could tell immediately that he was up to no good yesterday - I doubt he's gone as far as shag someone else. That was/is scheduled for Thursday. I saw all his whatsapp messages and hers was the only one from someone I didn't know. They have clearly met on fabswingers - which is the grimmest place, I joined to have a look - then their first meeting was yesterday. Although I might be being naive here. I'm still feeling like up is down and left is right, everything has been turned on its head

Please change your locks and any passwords he will know, everything form your Netflix to your Banking. So proud you didn't take any of his nonsense. Life will be much more peaceful.

You are a better woman than me, OP. If I had found what you found my mug would be on the 5 o clock news covered in blood.

Get tested to be on the safe side.

I've never heard of it before but "fabswingers" - how embarrassingly cringey for him. He's made himself a desperate looking laughing stock.

It's seems pretty obvious to me, as it would be to most reasonable people, that the question is a rhetorical one, asked by way of giving gentle advice.... I very much doubt Orchidacea, or anyone else on here, is looking for an answer to it🙄

and given that the OP has already responded to it, it's seems safe to say she wasn't offended...

Well, I've nearly finished work now and I think I might try and get some sleep as I didn't sleep much last night. Wonder why?! I just wanted to say thank you all for the lovely, supportive messages that have really helped me get through the day today. I've told people IRL but nobody knows as much of the detail of everything as you lot. Thank you 🙏

Much love x

This is great advice.

Unfortunately, it's very easy to hide or delete messages without a trace.

Wishing you strength OP

Whilst I'm annoyed for the OP that her "D"P turned out to be a complete fucknugget, I was amused by the MN advertising promotion in this thread...