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Original poster

He’s got someone else hasn’t he?

669 replies

Imustbestupid · 11/01/2025 20:46

So, my partner of 10 years today suddenly said he had to drive an hour away to meet someone for business. I can’t explain why but I felt a bit off about it. Just his manner somehow. He has, in the past, messaged another woman but I know it went no further. Just flirty comments on his behalf. I saw them all and she shut him down. Anyway, he swore it was over and that was it. This was over a year ago. I tried to get over it but I have to confess I never forgot and never really did get past it. Today, he was gone for five hours. Claimed he has been shopping as well as the business meeting but no shopping to show for it. His phone bleeped and it was a message from a woman on WhatsApp. He literally has no women friends. He has been unusually attentive since getting home. I am going to check his WhatsApp when he is asleep later. Just need a handhold for what I think I will find. Thank you

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
Original poster
Imustbestupid · 14/01/2025 00:42

I joined fabswiners to see what it was all about and my god it’s so just awful. Or maybe I’m prim. But I’ve just been on again now - to see if I can spot him on there and yes I know I shouldn’t - and I’ve literally had about 70 messages - and this is for someone with no profile pic, minimum details. All wanting to meet up for sex with someone they’ve never met. It’s just grim. I had to come back here for a ‘cleanse’ with like minded people.

OP posts:
Ilovemeggy38 · 14/01/2025 00:58

Oh Come On!!
If your bloke has logged on to fab swingers it's bloody over.
It's a cesspit of men and women who have lost any real life relationships and go to the kink people, hook-up, cucks, ect

PloppyTheWonderBum · 14/01/2025 01:03

I suppose that’s the equivalent of seeing the body, checking out fabswiners.
I’m so sorry you’ve been treated so terribly.

Ilovemeggy38 · 14/01/2025 01:09

You are not prim my love!!
You are human,a person who has fucking boundaries!l
Like lots of us, fabfucking swingers are a boundary too fucking far and we said NO. Fucking absolutely no.x

Original poster
Imustbestupid · 14/01/2025 01:25

Ilovemeggy38 · 14/01/2025 00:58

Oh Come On!!
If your bloke has logged on to fab swingers it's bloody over.
It's a cesspit of men and women who have lost any real life relationships and go to the kink people, hook-up, cucks, ect

yup. It’s a total cesspit

OP posts:
Original poster
Imustbestupid · 14/01/2025 01:27

PloppyTheWonderBum · 14/01/2025 01:03

I suppose that’s the equivalent of seeing the body, checking out fabswiners.
I’m so sorry you’ve been treated so terribly.

Thank you. I think I am doing ok then I do something like this and I realise I am not. I wish I could sleep.

OP posts:
Catoo · 14/01/2025 01:35

Imustbestupid · 13/01/2025 00:09

He’s already begging. Nothing happened with her. He wants to save our relationship.

In the kindest way possible of course something happened between them. And probably several other people from fabswingers/ work etc. I don’t think people meet up with people from fabswingers to spend 5 hours chatting and ‘shopping’. I could be wrong!

Those work trips weren’t all work trips.

Sadly, I think you only know the tip of the iceberg of what he’s got up to over 10 years.

Have someone at your house when he comes over so he’s quick and doesn’t try to talk you round.

It will be great when your house is your home again and all his clutter is gone.

💐

Original poster
Imustbestupid · 14/01/2025 01:38

Catoo · 14/01/2025 01:35

In the kindest way possible of course something happened between them. And probably several other people from fabswingers/ work etc. I don’t think people meet up with people from fabswingers to spend 5 hours chatting and ‘shopping’. I could be wrong!

Those work trips weren’t all work trips.

Sadly, I think you only know the tip of the iceberg of what he’s got up to over 10 years.

Have someone at your house when he comes over so he’s quick and doesn’t try to talk you round.

It will be great when your house is your home again and all his clutter is gone.

💐

Show quote history

I think you might be right. I feel so foolish.

OP posts:
Catoo · 14/01/2025 01:50

Imustbestupid · 14/01/2025 01:38

I think you might be right. I feel so foolish.

Show quote history

You aren’t foolish. We all have to think the best of and trust our loved ones, or we would be miserable.

He’s the fool. And he’s still proving it - just read about the detergent visit! One of mine came back to demand the wok! 🤣

You’re doing really well!
💐

Hollietree · 14/01/2025 08:54

Imustbestupid · 14/01/2025 01:38

I think you might be right. I feel so foolish.

Show quote history

Don’t feel foolish. This awful man thought that he could treat you like a fool. How wrong he was! Your actions, your assertiveness, your not putting up with his bullshit all clearly show that you are no fool. You are the opposite of a fool.

There is only one person in this story who is a fool and that is your idiot ex.

Gangans · 14/01/2025 09:25

Why are you feeling foolish?
I am an educated woman of the world, well travelled, lived on various continents, nearly 60 and you have told me more about swingers than I knew!

I am completely happily ignorant of swinger sites....and will continue to be.
This is ALL on this awful man.

maclen · 14/01/2025 09:32

How awful for you. Honestly you just can't trust anyone these days can you. It's utterly depressing.

Channellingsophistication · 14/01/2025 09:37

Don’t feel foolish. This man thought he could get away with behaving terribly and he has been caught out.

It was so blatant him going off on a Saturday to see someone when you’re home, that takes some doing.

He will work harder on getting back with you, why wouldnt he, you sound lovely and he has a home with you.

Keep strong. You know you deserve better than this man.

Sesameopen · 14/01/2025 10:10

Gangans · 14/01/2025 09:25

Why are you feeling foolish?
I am an educated woman of the world, well travelled, lived on various continents, nearly 60 and you have told me more about swingers than I knew!

I am completely happily ignorant of swinger sites....and will continue to be.
This is ALL on this awful man.

I am completely happily ignorant of swinger sites....and will continue to be.

Same, and quite honestly I wish I’d never heard of fab swingers lol hopefully it will erase itself from my memory 😆

I can’t believe he was trying to normalise this and act like everyone does this.

Original poster
Imustbestupid · 14/01/2025 11:55

Ok, so here we are at the end of the road. He has taken all his stuff today. He can’t explain why he did what he did. He said he cancelled actually meeting the woman for the hotel session - which was to be tomorrow - as he felt disgusted, couldn’t live with himself if he had done it, thought it was ‘too sleezy’. He hates what he has done to me. To be fair, he did seem pretty embarrassed but whether that was embarrassed at what he has done or embarrassed at being caught out, I don’t know. He did say I had some kind of sixth sense and I’ve always known when something was up.
It was actually quite painless in the end. I feel relieved but also sad that something I had felt was so important to me clearly wasn’t to him and has now come to an end after so many years and a lot of emotional investment. I am sad now. This will be the tough bit I fear, getting used to a new normal on my own.

OP posts:
LushLemonTart · 14/01/2025 12:01

@Imustbestupid that's good his stuff has gone.

You need time to heal. Be kind to yourself.

AnonAnonmystery · 14/01/2025 12:07

@Imustbestupid your last post made be sad. Yes it’s very final and you will never know if he was telling you the truth but this is final closure.

Ceecee2422 · 14/01/2025 12:41

Imustbestupid · 14/01/2025 11:55

Ok, so here we are at the end of the road. He has taken all his stuff today. He can’t explain why he did what he did. He said he cancelled actually meeting the woman for the hotel session - which was to be tomorrow - as he felt disgusted, couldn’t live with himself if he had done it, thought it was ‘too sleezy’. He hates what he has done to me. To be fair, he did seem pretty embarrassed but whether that was embarrassed at what he has done or embarrassed at being caught out, I don’t know. He did say I had some kind of sixth sense and I’ve always known when something was up.
It was actually quite painless in the end. I feel relieved but also sad that something I had felt was so important to me clearly wasn’t to him and has now come to an end after so many years and a lot of emotional investment. I am sad now. This will be the tough bit I fear, getting used to a new normal on my own.

He should have felt sleazy when he was creating the profile in the first place, funny how he didn’t and also didn’t when he was messaging her what he’d like to do to her……..and then didn’t when he was driving to meet her and you were left at home and then when he arranged to meet her again later this week, but NOW he feels sleazy, yeah ok pal, he’s just reeling you a line and is one of those 70 disgusting messages, it’s not the first time just the first time you’ve properly caught him out! I would also put bets on the fact he is still going Thurs……….

ilikemethewayiam · 14/01/2025 12:50

OP my ex said almost exactly the same thing after I caught him out. Because I bluffed that I knew all about his escapades and turned out to be pretty spot on, he admitted to using prostitutes. He was disgusted with himself. it was so sleazy and out of character, he didn’t know what got into him, blah blah blah, whilst looking so remorseful. After a few months, once he accepted it was definitely over and there was no going back, he upped and moved to Bangkok! Honestly OP it’s all part of the script. Don't be fooled anymore by his words. Thats all they are, words. I can almost guarantee he will move on pretty quickly. I felt exactly the same way you do once it sank in that I didn’t mean to him, what he meant to me. I literally wasted the best years of my life on a man who simply compartmentalised his life and did exactly what he wanted with no guilt or remorse until he got caught. Adjusting to my single life was a real shock to the system but the peace of mind is priceless. It’s natural you will feel profound sadness. It’s normal to cry buckets. Do that! Cry, rant, drink, wallow, whatever you need for now to get through the aftermath but once you’ve spent that energy, pick yourself up and build the life you want. Don’t let him take up anymore space in your head that should be dedicated to you. It’s all in your hands now. You can have the life you want. I did it. You can too.

Gangans · 14/01/2025 12:57

Kindly OP, he is focused now on the grim optics of this and in damage control mode.

He can't control what you will say so is desperate to mitigate the offence that you will mention as the reason for ending the relationship.

This sounds grim and sordid 'cos it is grim and sordid.

I wouldn't believe him for a second.

I would absolutely tell everyone that you split up because of his cheating on swinging sites.

Let the fxxker cringe,.....he should be.

LushLemonTart · 14/01/2025 12:59

@ilikemethewayiam ewww how gross. Those poor Thai ladies. Thank goodness you're well rid.

Original poster
Imustbestupid · 14/01/2025 13:25

LushLemonTart · 14/01/2025 12:59

@ilikemethewayiam ewww how gross. Those poor Thai ladies. Thank goodness you're well rid.

Second this! That is rank

OP posts:
CactusSammy · 14/01/2025 20:19

It's textbook Hoovering, op.

Be prepared for him to be back several more times yet, trying to suck you back in. What a bellend.

Stay strong, you are doing amazing. I wouldn't even bother to answer the door to him next time. What a pathetic twat! 🤣

Omgblueskys · 14/01/2025 21:30

Hay op so the script, he's done the remorseful, next will be the nasty, he hasn't any power now so be careful and look out for the nasty side of him, hope he doesn't, stay strong your doing amazing op

coolkatt · 17/01/2025 18:32

Op I was just wondering how u are, hope ur good and hanging in there!! Flowers