Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I was raped and my husband blames me

214 replies

Sadconfusedlonely · 29/12/2024 18:48

My husband and I had a huge argument, he walked out and left me. I went to a friend's house for drinks then we went into town.

I was in Manchester and not from the area. I lost my friend and was very very drunk. I stupidly went with a man to what I thought was a party but turned put to just be his university room.

I should have left but he told me that his housemates wouldn't be long. We never kissed we never flirted he told me he was gay.

We were just talking sat on his bed I never felt threatened at all but then I felt woozy and lay down, I thought he was asleep next to me. It wa a big bed we weren't touching.

Next thing I woke up to him having sex with me, it was pitch black but I was definitely asleep. I froze. I panicked. I don't know why I didn't stop him but I was just paralysed. He definitely didn't know I woke up. I lay there utterly shocked and disgusted until it went light then got out to safety.

I did not consent. I did not want to sleep with him. He didn't act interested at all we had no physical contact yp until that point.

I called the police the next day from my sisters house. The case is ongoing.

My husband said it is all my fault. He won't sleep next to me he made me reimclact it and called me a slag and a whore. He said I let him f*ck me and I wanted it. He said I deserved it and I am a cheat.

AIBU for wanting him to support me?

OP posts:
teatoast8 · 29/12/2024 18:50

I'm sorry you went through that. If that was me, I'd be putting in steps to leave.

You deserve so much better.

Katemax82 · 29/12/2024 18:50

You should leave the uncaring piece of shit

Shadesofscarlett · 29/12/2024 18:50

not your fault - you are divorcing the abusive pos I hope.

Justsayit123 · 29/12/2024 18:51

i imagine he’s lashing out as he feel guilty. If you hadn’t argued, this may not have happened. But he needs to man the hell up and support you as it certainly wasn’t your fault.

AltitudeCheck · 29/12/2024 18:51

I'm so sorry. Your husband's lack of support at this moment must feel like another violation/ betrayal of trust. Please get yourself away from his negative influence so you can begin to process what's happened without his toxic views causing you further trauma. Please contact rape crisis who will be able to help you access support.

barbarahunter · 29/12/2024 18:52

You are a victim in all this. I agree with the others, take steps to separate from your horrible 'D'H

MaggieBsBoat · 29/12/2024 18:53

AIBU for wanting him to support me?

Yes. He is an arsehole. You know this. Leave him. yABU to stay with him. He is a disgusting human. Just like the man who raped you.

I am so sorry you are going through this.

toomuchfaff · 29/12/2024 18:53

You don't need this, at an already stressful, horrible time. Leave, get away, don't look back. He's told you who he is. Listen.

fuckingidiotseverywhere · 29/12/2024 18:54

Jesus Christ your husband is awful. This was absolutely not your fault!

dontforgetme · 29/12/2024 18:55

I'm so so sorry this happened to you op. Is there a family member or friend you can stop with whilst this is all ongoing? You need support and he's not giving it to you at all. As pp said, please contact rape crisis.

What happened to you is not your fault.

We are here for you.

murasaki · 29/12/2024 18:55

Who on earth voted that you are being unreasonable.

JacJac77 · 29/12/2024 18:55

Oh my goodness I am so sorry you went through this. It was absolutely not your fault, your husband is wrong. Do you have family members/friends who can support you?

Elasticatedtrousers · 29/12/2024 18:55

You need to make steps to leave your husband. He is a nasty piece of work.

Annabella92 · 29/12/2024 18:55

AltitudeCheck · 29/12/2024 18:51

I'm so sorry. Your husband's lack of support at this moment must feel like another violation/ betrayal of trust. Please get yourself away from his negative influence so you can begin to process what's happened without his toxic views causing you further trauma. Please contact rape crisis who will be able to help you access support.

Yes this. He is treating you appallingly and you need to protect yourself from him. Don't expose yourself to his cruelty. Do you have people you can go to for support? I would leave this man without a moments hesitation

EllieRosesMammy · 29/12/2024 18:56

Oh my god what an awful thing to happen - and then for your husband to actually blame you?! So sorry you're going through this❤️

PastaAndProse · 29/12/2024 18:57

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Member984815 · 29/12/2024 18:57

Absolutely not your fault , I'd never forgive my husband for his lack of support. Please get all the support you can from the services and family .

THATbasicfuckingelfontheshelfshit · 29/12/2024 18:58

Your husband is a horrible bastard

I couldn't be with him after this

Fuck that shit

Matildahoney · 29/12/2024 18:58

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Elasticatedtrousers · 29/12/2024 19:00

he made me reimclact it and called me a slag and a whore

This is not the words of a man who is concerned she put herself in a 'vulnerable position'!

These are the words of a victim blaming nasty piece of work.

AliasGrace47 · 29/12/2024 19:02

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Well he says she is a slag & wanted it. Seems pretty clear he's blaming her.
Op, this was NOT your fault. And your DH is behaving disgustingly. Do you have support from friends and family? Sending 🫂

LuckySantangelo35 · 29/12/2024 19:02

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

@Matildahoney

its not her fault at all though is it? So she went back to a man’s house? So what? Houses don’t rape people, rapists rape people.

78rt · 29/12/2024 19:02

he made me reimclact it

What does this actually mean? He made you relive it? That's despicable.

Imperrysmum · 29/12/2024 19:03

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Ablondiebutagoody · 29/12/2024 19:03

I assume that he doesn't like that you went back to another man's bedroom after a night out. Obviously you didn't deserve what happened to you and he should support you but I can also understand that he wouldn't want his wife doing that. Ultimately the person who's fault it was is the rapist and you both need to pull together.