I was raped and my husband blames me

[Sadconfusedlonely]

My husband and I had a huge argument, he walked out and left me. I went to a friend's house for drinks then we went into town.

I was in Manchester and not from the area. I lost my friend and was very very drunk. I stupidly went with a man to what I thought was a party but turned put to just be his university room.

I should have left but he told me that his housemates wouldn't be long. We never kissed we never flirted he told me he was gay.

We were just talking sat on his bed I never felt threatened at all but then I felt woozy and lay down, I thought he was asleep next to me. It wa a big bed we weren't touching.

Next thing I woke up to him having sex with me, it was pitch black but I was definitely asleep. I froze. I panicked. I don't know why I didn't stop him but I was just paralysed. He definitely didn't know I woke up. I lay there utterly shocked and disgusted until it went light then got out to safety.

I did not consent. I did not want to sleep with him. He didn't act interested at all we had no physical contact yp until that point.

I called the police the next day from my sisters house. The case is ongoing.

My husband said it is all my fault. He won't sleep next to me he made me reimclact it and called me a slag and a whore. He said I let him f*ck me and I wanted it. He said I deserved it and I am a cheat.

AIBU for wanting him to support me?

I cannot believe this place sometimes.
Imagine how the OP must be feeling right now. Read all of her updates. Her husband isn’t just pissed off, he is goading and attacking her and making her relive it all and accusing her of lying!! All this after being the victim of rape!

So she comes on to MN, probably deeply hurt and confused and is asking for some advice and a sizeable chunk of the replies are either blaming her for it or saying her husbands actions are justified. WTAF am I reading?!

Completely agree.

Can these disgusting comments stop

@KenHomsHotWok

WTF?!

Another idiot.

OP this is all horrific, I'm so sorry any of this happened to you. I hope your rapist is caught and gets punished, and your disgusting DH gets the boot too. The whole thing has upset me but particularly him calling you names and asking you to reanact it.

For everyone blaming OP for going back to the man's house - if someone is telling you they are a gay man, do you not believe it? Do you not feel instantly safer (from a potential sexual assault)? That's probably ridiculously naive on my part, but I can't say I wouldn't also trust this person based on the same circumstances which is scary.

Sadly this probably happens quite a lot and doesn't get reported - rapists hiding in gay clubs and preying on the women there. I feel sick for OP.

MN is usually better than this. Even AIBU.
Never seen the like 🤮

Anyone who "can understand" why a husband wouldn't be anything other than sympathetic and supportive to their wife who has been raped, is a fucking idiot.

I have admitted I shouldn't have been there, and I should have left. I have apologised to my husband for that. I shouldn't have sat on his bed but I swear to God I didn't go there to cheat, I love my husband.

I have been crying my eyes out for days and he says I deserve it because I am a slag.

I tried to cuddle him and he asked me how his dick felt and said he couldn't touch me again because I am a tramp.

I stupidly blamed my husband the next day, I was confused and traumatised and he is now fixated on that repeating it over and over.

He sent me a list of Irish baby names in a text the next day because I told him the guy was Irish. We were watching a film and he asked if I wanted to fuck Cilian Murphy because he is Irish like my 'boyfriend'.

This is beyond anger isn't it? This isn't right is it. I can't tell my sister she will never speak to my husband again.

The police have got the guy and have taken all dna from us. They questioned him first he has said he left me asleep on his bed and slept on the sofa which isn't true.

I love my husband. I'm lost and hurt. How can I make this right.

can't believe what I'm reading here! Has empathy and kindness gone out of fashion or something?
Just STFU if you can't say something to help the op.
Please don't take a few idiots to heart OP, you are absolutely not at fault here.
Have you reported to the police? Have you contacted a rape crisis centre? You need someone to hold your hand and help you through this <3

You cannot make it right because your husband is not behaving rationally or like any husband should.

Does your sister have room for you to stay with her?

You do not deserve to be treated this way. You need to be around people who love and support you. Your husband is doing neither of these things.

Just stop commenting.

@KenHomsHotWok
No doubt that garbage you've just typed will be deleted soon along with your other disgusting comment.

You can also fuck off

“Hood rat”? You’re beyond disgusting. Civilised human beings do not rape other human beings. Regardless of any other circumstances.

@KenHomsHotWok You are vile

Of course that is all disgusting and so horribly uncalled for.

I commented earlier that I could see how your husband was upset for your interaction with the man before the assault and I’m incredibly sorry for any further hurt I caused you, as other posters have pointed out, any feelings he has should be at least put to one side and his focus should be supporting you whilst you deal with this.

I’m sorry you are now suffering from the situation in your relationship as well as the obvious trauma you’ve suffered.

Well that's the end of your marriage, how quickly can you divorce him.

He doesn’t love you. I’m sorry but if he did, he wouldn’t be treating you this way.

He’s disgusting and you deserve better.

The fact that the police have got him in is good. I doubt it's the first time he's done this either, it's never a one off.

Your DH's reaction isn't normal, OP. It's horrible and I don't understand it at all. Devastation/anger (directed at your rapist)/even silence I would get. But not this. You have suffered enough.

The fact the police are even involved should stop him in his tracks, but no. I'm sorry OP.

@Sadconfusedlonely Don't worry about the stupid posts, random internet people that are no more worthy of space in your brain than marker penned comments on a toilet wall.

I hope you can get some support from your friends and family, I hope you leave your husband.

@Sadconfusedlonely please tell your sister and get away from this man.

He is abusive. If you have any hope of healing you need to get away from him.

@Sadconfusedlonely He's being very cruel and abusive, op that isn't normal.