I was raped and my husband blames me

[Sadconfusedlonely]

My husband and I had a huge argument, he walked out and left me. I went to a friend's house for drinks then we went into town.

I was in Manchester and not from the area. I lost my friend and was very very drunk. I stupidly went with a man to what I thought was a party but turned put to just be his university room.

I should have left but he told me that his housemates wouldn't be long. We never kissed we never flirted he told me he was gay.

We were just talking sat on his bed I never felt threatened at all but then I felt woozy and lay down, I thought he was asleep next to me. It wa a big bed we weren't touching.

Next thing I woke up to him having sex with me, it was pitch black but I was definitely asleep. I froze. I panicked. I don't know why I didn't stop him but I was just paralysed. He definitely didn't know I woke up. I lay there utterly shocked and disgusted until it went light then got out to safety.

I did not consent. I did not want to sleep with him. He didn't act interested at all we had no physical contact yp until that point.

I called the police the next day from my sisters house. The case is ongoing.

My husband said it is all my fault. He won't sleep next to me he made me reimclact it and called me a slag and a whore. He said I let him f*ck me and I wanted it. He said I deserved it and I am a cheat.

AIBU for wanting him to support me?

The husband is not lashing out, he's creating a perverted control senerio of shaming the OP through explicit and repeated sexual discussion designed to make the OP doubt her decision making and increase her shame when she is in an exceptionally vulnerable stage in her life. This is diabolical behaviour and the OP needs to get away from him immediately. It highly likely the rapists planned it all with the pretend party, pretending to be gay, no threatening moves prior to the OP becoming wosy. Almost definitely drugged.
None of this has anything to do with the OPs decision making or actions. She has been targeted by a rapist who has all the accountability for what happened. Added to that she has found out who she is married to.
This is as tough as it gets.
Hopefully the OP will reach out to all the help she can get irl and leave her husband.

Just ignore them op.

I didn't even think that he had planned it all along 😕 he wasn't drinking either, something I remembered the day after. This is all so terrifying, creepy and horrible.

There are two separate issues here. If my husband got drunk and went with some random woman to her bedroom to sit and sleep on her bed I would find it unacceptable and I would be questioning the future of relationship. Hence wouldn't be surprised at your husband being upset with that part.

However what happened after is not your fault. You were raped and for him to suggest that this is something you wanted and enjoyed is disgusting and shows he has no concern for your wellbeing and trauma you went through.

This is very difficult situation because your husband feels betrayed and hurt and now he can't be there for you. Then because he went as far as accusing you of enjoying rape and re-traumatising you, you will also feel betrayed. It will take a lot for both of you to move on from it.

@Lillygolightly

It is a normal and natural reaction to freeze.

and i expect you were in shock which is why you didn't say / do anything the next day when you had to sit in the car with him.

Is it too late to get support now ?

@Sadconfusedlonely - I think your marriage is over. Your H’s reaction is itself extremely abusive. Please get some support elsewhere.

Oh poor OP, no one deserves to be treated this way. I'm so sorry.

Here's a cyber-hug: ((((OP))))

The marriage is over then. If he believes his wife is the type of person to make a false rape accusation to cover up a one night stand then it’s done. There is no coming back from that.

I thought that. For him to lie about his sexuality means it was planned. He was seeking a victim and unfortunately found one in OP.

You can’t stay in this situation. This is all too much. The trauma is just continuing. Please reach out to your sister.

I’m guessing he’s a nasty bit of work on a normal day and that’s why you were arguing in the first place. This seems like an already abusive relationship.

Please, please, please reach out to your sister.

If she hates your DH, well, consider why. I don't know your husband at all, but from the little you've told us of how he's reacted to your horrific trauma, I hate him too. Who cares if your sister hates him - she should.

Fast forward 17 years and your teen daughter comes home and tells you she's been raped in a similar situation. What if he spoke to your daughter the way he has spoken to you? He will, you know. That's how men like him behave.

Your husband is a vile uncaring dick.... Please leave him!!!