I was raped and my husband blames me

[Sadconfusedlonely]

My husband and I had a huge argument, he walked out and left me. I went to a friend's house for drinks then we went into town.

I was in Manchester and not from the area. I lost my friend and was very very drunk. I stupidly went with a man to what I thought was a party but turned put to just be his university room.

I should have left but he told me that his housemates wouldn't be long. We never kissed we never flirted he told me he was gay.

We were just talking sat on his bed I never felt threatened at all but then I felt woozy and lay down, I thought he was asleep next to me. It wa a big bed we weren't touching.

Next thing I woke up to him having sex with me, it was pitch black but I was definitely asleep. I froze. I panicked. I don't know why I didn't stop him but I was just paralysed. He definitely didn't know I woke up. I lay there utterly shocked and disgusted until it went light then got out to safety.

I did not consent. I did not want to sleep with him. He didn't act interested at all we had no physical contact yp until that point.

I called the police the next day from my sisters house. The case is ongoing.

My husband said it is all my fault. He won't sleep next to me he made me reimclact it and called me a slag and a whore. He said I let him f*ck me and I wanted it. He said I deserved it and I am a cheat.

AIBU for wanting him to support me?

Yes, really. A serious crime has been committed against OP. And she didn't get into his bed, she was sitting on it chatting and then felt woozy so lay down. None of this would have happened if her "D" H hadn't abandoned her in the city centre, drunk. My point that you should be able to sit on a man's bed without a serious crime being committed against you is valid. She did not give enthusiastic consent - or any consent, so I don't actually care whether she was in or on his bed. No woman deserves to be raped.

I can see how her DH is annoyed that she went back to a man's place, but right now, the issue is that OP was raped. For now, that should overshadow everything and her horrible DH should be comforting her.

Except that is not what happened.

She had a fight with her husband. After which she went drinking with her friend. Became very drunk and lost her friend. After that a gay guy offered to help her out by inviting her to a party and so she went. It turned out not to be a party but she was so drunk she passed out on his bed.

If you want her to “examine her actions” then describe those actions accurately. To say “she went home with a strange man after a fight with her husband” is incorrect and leaves out a lot of relevant context.

I would yes. If he left a club with a woman he had never met before without any of his friends and ended up in her room absolutely. He’s a husband and a dad he shouldn’t be in this situation. But we don’t really party so maybe it’s normal to do this in other relationships??

I am not victim blaming. I would never victim blame. There are two separate issues here that just happened on the same night.

OP did absolutely nothing to warrant being raped. It is always the rapists fault.

Her actions previously in the evening when she left a club with a strange man to me may warrant a pissed off husband.

@Frequency I’m so sorry this has happened to your daughter, it happened to mine too, and sadly she has learned who her real friends are. It sickens me she is not believed by some people she thought she could trust and she somehow must have done something to provoke the vile monster that attacked her.

He can be pissed off later. The fact he’s making it all about him is disgusting.

He doesn't believe it's true, all because of the things he's already pissed off about.

Then the marriage is over.

Stop saying she 'went home with a strange man'. This guy should not have taken her home if she was drunk, he should have left her alone, he said he was gay, why do you think he lied? Stop making excuses for a predator, check yourselves.

OP this is one of the most shocking posts I have ever read on here. I cannot begin to imagine how you must be feeling. The one person in the world who should be showing up for you right now is acting almost as badly as the man who raped you. I’m so so sorry.

I agree. No wonder people are reluctant and scared to report rape. Look at all these posts of nonsense.

Exactly.

Any man worthy of being called a man would have put OP in a taxi and ensured she got home safely.

The thing that took OP back to its dorm room was not a man. It was a rapist.

OP has done absolutely nothing wrong. The only difference between her and the dozens of other drunk women who drink too much occassionally is that she had the misfortune to cross paths with a rapist.

Reported.

You poor, poor thing

I hope none of you having a pop at her have daughters because let me tell you your daughters may get ill on a night out, drink on an empty stomach or make an error in what they can handle alcohol wise, walk back the wrong way after the cinema, walk alone down an alley they 'shouldn't have'. Or fall into a diabetic hypo like I found a woman one night being ignored on the floor.

None of these women deserve a man to predate on them because of the above.

They won't check themselves!

I'm honestly disgusted at the thinking of some of the women on this thread.

This is the kind of nonsense that prevents women from going to the police when they are sexually assaulted, these posters should be ashamed of themselves.

Disgusting. She was raped.

That’s a disgusting thing to say!

Reported.

What is wrong with you!

You’re a disgusting human.

@Namechangenoidea

oh yes, poor husband and his poor hurt feelings which you obviously believe justifies him treating his wife absolutely abhorrently. Well, guess what? You’re wrong.

Jesus some of these posts 😳
@GrapeIsTasty in particular, disgusting.