My girlfriend hit me on Saturday and I'm lost

[NotJason]

This isn't easy to write, and I expect a lot of negative judgement, but I'd really value your open opinions and experiences.

I'm 35 (male), she's 30, we've dated for nearly 5 years and have lived together for the majority of that time (covid sped that up).

On Saturday we drunkenly left a party and started bickering as our phone batteries were low and we were struggling to get an uber. The alcohol was naturally making this worse as it's not an important topic, but we were stuck in the middle of an area we didn't know at 1am.

I flag a taxi as uber isn't working and we get in. She's still annoyed and is repeatedly saying how I always need to be right etc etc. I get annoyed and I rise to this in a childish manner, I'm not proud, my emotions too were up and down from the booze. I childishly respond that yes that's me, and I am always right, and when was the last time she was right. She then struck me in the face, which broke my glasses.

Since then she has been very sorry and has tried to look after me on Sunday. She's apologised a lot and has said we can talk when I'm ready. She says she'll stop drinking (not that she drinks regularly). We've talked a bit on Sunday about it.

Obvious questions you may have.... Do we argue a lot and has this happened before. We don't argue often, and this happened once before when drunk after a wedding about 15 months ago. Similarly we were arguing but this time in bed, she then struck me in the chest and kicked me off the bed, before being extremely sorry.

I know the knee jerk reaction is end it. But I love her and we live together. It's not perfect, but things have been improving since we started bi-weekly couples therapy about 6 months ago (not related to this, about improving intimacy and sex life).

Thank you if you've made it this far. I don't want to do anything brash, but I'm lost and don't know what to do next.

I don't think you can 'fix' domestic violence, and that is what this is.

Also, it's a very, very bad idea as a victim of abuse to attend a joint therapy session with your abuser.

Leave.

Domestic abuse is never acceptable, regardless of the sex of the victim.

This is not the first time she's done this. I suspect it won't be the last either.

Leave, for your own safety.

You're both in counselling already for unrelated issues. After 5 years together she has only indicated childhood trauma not actually opened up about it, I appreciate that may be tricky but if she can't in a counselling session when can she.

The sex problems combined with physical assaults are not compatible with a good, fulfilling relationship going forward imo.

She obviously has deep seated issues. You're both young, this should be the easy fun bit.

No way. This latest incident was bad enough but the previous one was worse.

You're being taken in by her apologies but they don't mean anything at all. She's saying whatever it takes to stop you talking about her violence.

I think if you were to speak to other people who'd been in relationships with her - boyfriends, school friends, female relatives etc - you'd find they knew exactly what you were talking about. Her reaction to being annoyed is to be violent. You can't possibly have a relationship with her.

She needs to leave and seek counselling, but I know she won't, because she thinks her apologies are enough.

This relationship is over. She is violent and it is abuse. If you were a woman saying this, we'd all be telling you to seek help from organisations such as Women's Aid. On that basis, I suggest you seek some help from Mankind who are a similar organisation for men in violent relationships.

This has happened twice. What if she's holding a knife or a glass or any other item she could deploy as a weapon? She can't keep being violent and saying sorry. Please get rid for your own safety and I'd suggest reporting the assaults to the police.

He doesn't say this; he says she struck him. Not that this makes things any better, but I'm wondering if it was a slap on the head. There isn't differentiation when it comes to how 'serious' assault is, but no-one with real love and respect does this - take it from me.

There are two sides to every story and the truth is somewhere inbetween, so I was recently told. I wonder what her explanation is - I don't agree with hitting obviously, but the thought has crossed my mind what her version of the relationship is.

All abuse that ends with somebody being killed starts somewhere. A punch, a kick, a second or third chance.

Thing is you don't know where it'll end.
So best to end it.

she's done it twice she'll do it again. nothing justifies it, even infidelity. nothing justifies physical abuse

There are two sides to every story and the truth is somewhere inbetween, so I was recently told. I wonder what her explanation is - I don't agree with hitting obviously, but the thought has crossed my mind what her version of the relationship is.

Well maybe you should keep your thoughts to yourself, when a victim comes here to say they've been violently abused twice.

We only ever hear one side of the story on MN because only one person is doing the posting.

If a woman came on here to say she'd been violently struck twice by her husband, would you be posting to say you'd like to hear his side?

There are two sides to every story and the truth is somewhere inbetween, so I was recently told. I wonder what her explanation is - I don't agree with hitting obviously, but the thought has crossed my mind what her version of the relationship is.

Would you say that if a woman came onto MN to say her husband had hit her? Would you say, "Well, we don't know his side of the story"?

Anyone asking for "the other side of the story" are part of the reason as to why domestic violence towards men isn't taken as seriously.

He said she broke his glasses.

Do you slap your partner in the head and that's why you're minimising this?

This is a completely unreasonable response. Shame on you.

She's hit you twice. If you stay with her she will hit you again.

Nobody who loves you would punch you.

I childishly respond that yes that's me, and I am always right, and when was the last time she was right.

Sure he’s not. They both sound like pricks

Nobody should be lifting hand's in a relationship regardless of gender.

He might well be a prick but still doesn’t make it right to hit him, does it?

My brother was also the victim of domestic abuse, current stats suggest 1/3 of the victims are men. Sadly, OP you are now one of them. I stand with all the people on here who are advising you to break up. Do you really want to worry if she has a drink what the consequences might be when you are alone?

If you are already in counselling then it would seem that your relationship has troubles, sort this now, rip the Band Aid off and move on with your life in a safer manner.

I didnt say it did, did I? I told HIM to leave the relationship and I would tell her the same.

Tell her to move out. Sorry, but there's nothing good going to come of this relationship.
You will meet someone else.

Maybe but he does say his glasses were broken.

I supposed she could have slapped him and his glasses fell off and broke hitting the floor. But it suggested a fair amount of force to me.

And it was the second time so - game over.

When a woman posts here that she has been the victim of DV do you wonder what her male partners version of the relationship is?

What’s the relevance of whether he’s a prick or not then, if not some kind of justification?

Oh im just letting OP know I think he needs to work on himself too.

It’s not okay and you don’t have to put up with it, excuse her, or defend her. Therapy with an abuser is not recommended so you may want to seek counselling just for you. Only you can decide what to do for yourself but the consensus here will always be to walk away. Take care, you deserve better.