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Original poster

AIBU to not want partners dog to move in too?

218 replies

Seeker42 · 09/12/2024 13:52

Maybe I am being unreasonable but would appreciate some perspective.
I’ve been with my partner for 2 years and we are hoping that in next year or 2 she will move in with me and my 6 year old son.
we have a great relationship and things are going well and I really believe we have a good future ahead.
she has a dog that she loves dearly. At the minute she is living with her sister who looks after the dog when girlfriend is at my house.
when we talk about the future it is so exciting but know she will expect that the dog comes too, it’s like her baby.

i am really not a dog person, in fact I’m a bit afraid of animals but especially dogs. I’ve met the dog once or twice just and it does seem a nice pet. I have just never wanted a pet and definitely not a dog that sits up on the couch and on the bed etc. my son has asked many times for a pet and he has been told no to a dog or cat. I know plenty of people love animals but I just don’t and am a bit OTT with cleaning and I feel like it would just add to my stress about that too. Now I know if girlfriend moved in she would do al the looking after. But the thought of a dog roaming by house all day while we are out at work really is a nightmare to me. I’m sorry if that offends anyone but we never had pets growing up or anything. it’s my house that I own and she would be moving in with me.

Aibu to say I wouldn’t want the dog to stay?I do think she would be very upset about this and has talked about days out with the dog etc and my son (and hopefully a future child too). I care about her a lot but I really feel like as it’s my home and my son I should do what I feel make comfortable doing.

i don’t think there is the option of her sister keeping the dog long term. I also feel this could be a sticking point to my partner moving in but I really am getting so stressed thinking about it

OP posts:
DecafDodger · 09/12/2024 13:54

So what would you expect her to do?

If it was me, the options would be that I move in with the dog, or I don't move in at all. As option 1 does not work for you, that doesn't leave many others..

Original poster
Seeker42 · 09/12/2024 13:55

DecafDodger · 09/12/2024 13:54

So what would you expect her to do?

If it was me, the options would be that I move in with the dog, or I don't move in at all. As option 1 does not work for you, that doesn't leave many others..

I honestly don’t know. But I’m really unsure I can compromise on this

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 09/12/2024 13:55

She has a dog, if she moves in the dog comes.If you don't want that then she can't move in. You are well within your rights to not want to live with a dog but she has one end of
Also, a dog can't be left alone all day while you are both at work

chipsandpeas · 09/12/2024 13:56

then expect her to not move in - if it were me, it would be non negotiable my dog comes as a package with me

Original poster
Seeker42 · 09/12/2024 13:56

I have been honest from the start about how I feel about animals. We haven’t specifically talked about the dog coming too

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 09/12/2024 13:56

Seeker42 · 09/12/2024 13:56

I have been honest from the start about how I feel about animals. We haven’t specifically talked about the dog coming too

Time you did then

chipsandpeas · 09/12/2024 13:56

Seeker42 · 09/12/2024 13:56

I have been honest from the start about how I feel about animals. We haven’t specifically talked about the dog coming too

maybe its time to have that conversation so she knows

Original poster
Seeker42 · 09/12/2024 13:57

Hoppinggreen · 09/12/2024 13:56

Time you did then

Show quote history

Yep

OP posts:
TheSilkWorm · 09/12/2024 13:57

You can't move in together while she has the dog. Better make that clear to her now as I expect she assumes it's obvious the dog is included if you're discussing her moving in.

Talipesmum · 09/12/2024 13:58

You mustn’t avoid this one. Talk to her asap about how you think you aren’t comfortable with the dog moving in. It will come out eventually and the sooner the better so you can all decide what best to do.

SensibleSigma · 09/12/2024 13:58

Seeker42 · 09/12/2024 13:55

I honestly don’t know. But I’m really unsure I can compromise on this

Show quote history

Neither can she.

If she’s a decent person, she isn’t going to abandon her dog for you. It’s her responsibility.
I presume you want a decent, responsible partner?

DecafDodger · 09/12/2024 13:58

If she has been talking about days out with dog after she moves in, and you haven't said anything, you really have to make it clear that this will not be happening.

Purplecatshopaholic · 09/12/2024 13:58

Hoppinggreen · 09/12/2024 13:55

She has a dog, if she moves in the dog comes.If you don't want that then she can't move in. You are well within your rights to not want to live with a dog but she has one end of
Also, a dog can't be left alone all day while you are both at work

This. It’s both or neither, sorry. If that’s a dealbreaker, stay as you are living separately.

Original poster
Seeker42 · 09/12/2024 13:59

DecafDodger · 09/12/2024 13:58

If she has been talking about days out with dog after she moves in, and you haven't said anything, you really have to make it clear that this will not be happening.

When she brings this up I do say how I’m still a bit nervous around the dog and don’t feel I could be alone with him etc and she says I’m be fine

OP posts:
Floralnomad · 09/12/2024 13:59

The obvious answer then is that you can’t move in together for the foreseeable future. No decent person gets rid of their dog for a partner .

VarneytheVamp · 09/12/2024 14:00

If someone gave me this ultimatum, they wouldn't be my partner any more, that's for sure! I also wouldn't want to be in a relationship with anyone who'd abandon their dog for a new partner, nor with anyone who thought it was a reasonable ask.

MuttsNutts · 09/12/2024 14:00

She won’t be moving in then will she? What do you expect her to do with the dog?

Can’t believe you haven’t spoken about this. It doesn’t sound like you’re ready to even think about moving in together if you haven’t even discussed this massive issue. I can’t imagine what else you haven’t discussed.

Original poster
Seeker42 · 09/12/2024 14:00

Floralnomad · 09/12/2024 13:59

The obvious answer then is that you can’t move in together for the foreseeable future. No decent person gets rid of their dog for a partner .

No and I get that.
I could maybe compromise with the dog not being upstairs etc and all. Actually I’m not even sure. I feel like her and a dog is a big adjustment for my son too

OP posts:
SnowflakeSmasher86 · 09/12/2024 14:00

If I were your partner I wouldn’t move in. The way you talk about it being your house that you pay for, with or without the dog, your partner is never going to feel at home there.

She treats the dog like her baby. So imagine if she said she’d move in with you, but not with your son. I know that it’s not really the same, but the feeling of being asked to choose will be very similar for her.

You need to talk about the specifics asap as it doesn’t sound like you’re on the same page for moving in together.

WetBandits · 09/12/2024 14:01

You’ve been together two years and met her dog twice? Confused

Did you never anticipate that this might come up before you decide to progress with the relationship? Or did you just expect/assume that she’d leave her dog for you? Anyone that would abandon their pet on their partner’s say-so is not someone I’d want to be in a relationship with as it would speak volumes about their values and commitment.

Buzzer3555 · 09/12/2024 14:01

You need to tell her now. If I was your girlfriend it would be a deal breaker … but it's your house so if you can't accept the dog you need to be clear

Twothinkthat · 09/12/2024 14:01

Erm I’d imagine moving your partner in is a big adjustment for your son tbh.

Ponderingwindow · 09/12/2024 14:01

Your girlfriend has made a lifetime commitment to her dog. There are some legitimate reasons to terminate that commitment, but my boyfriend doesn’t like dogs isn’t one of them. She won’t be available to live with you until the end of her dog’s natural lifespan. She would also have to agree to never get another dog. This relationship has significant barriers to success.

Original poster
Seeker42 · 09/12/2024 14:02

VarneytheVamp · 09/12/2024 14:00

If someone gave me this ultimatum, they wouldn't be my partner any more, that's for sure! I also wouldn't want to be in a relationship with anyone who'd abandon their dog for a new partner, nor with anyone who thought it was a reasonable ask.

No and it wouldn’t be an ultimatum obviously. We’re just different than way. I’m not expecting her to abandon her dog, I know she loves it.
but equally I am actually nervous of animals and I can’t change that, have always been like that and feel anxious at the dig being my home.
im not a horrible person

OP posts:
OhBling · 09/12/2024 14:02

If the dog is a deal breaker for you, you need to make this clear now. Currently, you're going along with her assurances it will all be fine and she thinks it will all be fine. if this is NOT going to be fine,t hen you need to be clear on that right now.