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Original poster

AIBU to not want partners dog to move in too?

218 replies

Seeker42 · 09/12/2024 13:52

Maybe I am being unreasonable but would appreciate some perspective.
I’ve been with my partner for 2 years and we are hoping that in next year or 2 she will move in with me and my 6 year old son.
we have a great relationship and things are going well and I really believe we have a good future ahead.
she has a dog that she loves dearly. At the minute she is living with her sister who looks after the dog when girlfriend is at my house.
when we talk about the future it is so exciting but know she will expect that the dog comes too, it’s like her baby.

i am really not a dog person, in fact I’m a bit afraid of animals but especially dogs. I’ve met the dog once or twice just and it does seem a nice pet. I have just never wanted a pet and definitely not a dog that sits up on the couch and on the bed etc. my son has asked many times for a pet and he has been told no to a dog or cat. I know plenty of people love animals but I just don’t and am a bit OTT with cleaning and I feel like it would just add to my stress about that too. Now I know if girlfriend moved in she would do al the looking after. But the thought of a dog roaming by house all day while we are out at work really is a nightmare to me. I’m sorry if that offends anyone but we never had pets growing up or anything. it’s my house that I own and she would be moving in with me.

Aibu to say I wouldn’t want the dog to stay?I do think she would be very upset about this and has talked about days out with the dog etc and my son (and hopefully a future child too). I care about her a lot but I really feel like as it’s my home and my son I should do what I feel make comfortable doing.

i don’t think there is the option of her sister keeping the dog long term. I also feel this could be a sticking point to my partner moving in but I really am getting so stressed thinking about it

OP posts:
Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 09/12/2024 14:57

Seeker42 · 09/12/2024 14:49

Right here

Show quote history

Yes, I thought you were female from the first post, but I suspect that many of the harsh replies you have received were from people who thought you are a bloke!

Timeheals · 09/12/2024 14:57

I think you need to have a very frank conversation very soon. If you’ve been together 2 years and hoping to move in together then I would have expected this to come up before now. Is she likely to be blindsided by this? It sounds like she has put in a lot of effort to the relationship for the past 2 years in terms of travel and being away from her life and if it is to continue she will need to move closer, find a place to live, new work and find dog care while you are together… what is it you are bringing to all of this? I appreciate you have a child but this does appear to be imbalanced. If it is not going to work out it would be better to realise this now.

Billydavey · 09/12/2024 14:57

Seeker42 · 09/12/2024 14:53

???

Show quote history

It’s mumsnet law that a man should put his partner on the deeds of the house to protect her.

however, now it’s clear you’re a woman I expect law 2 to prevail “protect your assets”.

Original poster
Seeker42 · 09/12/2024 14:57

pinkyredrose · 09/12/2024 14:56

She's got to learn to live with your kid so you need to learn to live with her dog.

I don’t though and I guess if my child was a dealbreaker for her then she wouldn’t live in with him either

OP posts:
Startinganew32 · 09/12/2024 14:57

Billydavey · 09/12/2024 14:57

It’s mumsnet law that a man should put his partner on the deeds of the house to protect her.

however, now it’s clear you’re a woman I expect law 2 to prevail “protect your assets”.

Show quote history

😂

Original poster
Seeker42 · 09/12/2024 14:58

Billydavey · 09/12/2024 14:57

It’s mumsnet law that a man should put his partner on the deeds of the house to protect her.

however, now it’s clear you’re a woman I expect law 2 to prevail “protect your assets”.

Show quote history

lol I would hope so.
no idea why I would put a cohabiting partner on the seeds of the house

OP posts:
Jostuki · 09/12/2024 14:58

You e only met the dog twice in two years?

What planet are you both living in?

She is going to have her 'baby' come and live with a man who's only met the dog twice and a young child!

The dog can't mean that much to her!

You should have made your feelings clear early on that you do not want pets.

I feel sorry for the poor dog in all this who will be dumped on the sister.

bakewellbride · 09/12/2024 14:59

"When she brings this up I do say how I’m still a bit nervous around the dog and don’t feel I could be alone with him etc and she says I’m be fine"

I'm sorry but this is shitty and unfair of her. We adopted our first dog a couple of months ago and it massively changes everything more than you could imagine. Even if you don't care for the dog you have to adapt your own life and it is unfair of your partner to expect that of you. I can never relax on the sofa with chocolate/ cake etc as it's toxic to the dog so I have to have it in the kitchen with the door shut then check carefully for crumbs. I hoover every fucking day. The dog obviously poos in the garden and even if it's not you picking it up it just makes the lawn look patchy and crap. When a dog first adapts to a new home they can have toilet accidents inside. Fireworks night used to be fun, now it's a real source of stress for us as our dog - like many - is terrified. You have to watch dogs and kids together all the time, it's not relaxing. God I could go on about how hard it is and I've got an 'easy' breed. I'm very happy because I love my dog but if I wasn’t a dog person I'd be miserable as fuck right now!

Stick to your guns and do NOT let the dog move in. It wouldn't be fair on you or the dog either.

GodspeedJune · 09/12/2024 14:59

What were you thinking letting this relationship drag on for two years without making it clear you don’t want pets?

What a waste of yours and her time.

SpringleDingle · 09/12/2024 15:00

I think if you want to move in together - if cohabiting is important to both of you (and I am guessing after 2 years that you've had this discussion) that you make it clear to her that you don't want her to move in with her dog. For me it would be a dealbreaker - I wouldn't move in without my daughter or my dog and would consider both of their needs very carefully in making a decision about where to live. You may then both decide that you need to continue to live separately until the dog's departure (which I guess could be 10+ years). The other option is that you work together, with a counsellor maybe, for you to overcome your fear of the dog. However this is something you'd need to want to do to be able to live together.

Startinganew32 · 09/12/2024 15:00

Seeker42 · 09/12/2024 14:58

lol I would hope so.
no idea why I would put a cohabiting partner on the seeds of the house

Show quote history

If you’re not expecting them to contribute to the mortgage or give up their career then yes. However if you’re expecting your gf to carry a child, take mat leave or substantially financially contribute then it’s a different matter. Or as my ex suggested, I sell my house and fund his extension but his house stays in his name 😂

Dozycuntlaters · 09/12/2024 15:01

You just need to have a conversation with her. I have a dog, and would never ever move in with someone who didn't really want her, but then I wouldn't get myself into a long distance relationship where I would have to leave her all the time. Maybe your girlfriend doesn't love the dog as much as she states, you won't know until you have a serious discussion with her about it.

Honestly, there is nothing wrong with not wanting to share your home with a dog, but it just seems strange to me you are even dating someone with a dog as surely this was always going to come up as an issue.

You say you are scared of most animals. Is there a reason. Maybe you need to deal with your fears. Why don't you stay with her one weekend and actually get to know her dog? Has she never suggested this? If she loves the dog that much then it's odd she's never tried to get you both together.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 09/12/2024 15:01

Jostuki · 09/12/2024 14:58

You e only met the dog twice in two years?

What planet are you both living in?

She is going to have her 'baby' come and live with a man who's only met the dog twice and a young child!

The dog can't mean that much to her!

You should have made your feelings clear early on that you do not want pets.

I feel sorry for the poor dog in all this who will be dumped on the sister.

OP is a woman. So who is this man is that the partner is going live with? That’s a new development. 😸😸

Blondeshavemorefun · 09/12/2024 15:01

You need to discuss this asap

She comes as a package I would hope

Her and dog

You and child

Unless she is going to leave dog with sister and live with you

But I don't get that impression from her from what you wrote

Time to grow up and meet the dog and face thur fears

Thank god your child hasn't your fears over a dog

ForkHandlesNotFourCandles · 09/12/2024 15:02

Startinganew32 · 09/12/2024 15:00

If you’re not expecting them to contribute to the mortgage or give up their career then yes. However if you’re expecting your gf to carry a child, take mat leave or substantially financially contribute then it’s a different matter. Or as my ex suggested, I sell my house and fund his extension but his house stays in his name 😂

Show quote history

The gf could equally be thinking about OP having a kid. Your post doesn’t make sense RTFT

Startinganew32 · 09/12/2024 15:02

It does seem like quite a one sided relationship where your girlfriend has to make huge changes to her life while you make none. Idk if it has a future.

Startinganew32 · 09/12/2024 15:04

ForkHandlesNotFourCandles · 09/12/2024 15:02

The gf could equally be thinking about OP having a kid. Your post doesn’t make sense RTFT

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Well of course which is why I said IF. But if you have a joint family with children together, it’s not great if one parent doesn’t even have the legal right to occupy their home (which is the case for cohabitants who live in their partner’s house).

ProfessionalPirate · 09/12/2024 15:04

Seeker42 · 09/12/2024 14:58

lol I would hope so.
no idea why I would put a cohabiting partner on the seeds of the house

Show quote history

At some point down the line she’s going to need some security, especially if you’re taking about having a child together in the future. Not suggesting you give anything away to her, you can get a legal contract drawn up that would ring-fence the money that you had put into the house yourself thus far, and then she could contribute to the mortgage going forward. Something like that. But you can’t expect her to just stay a houseguest for the rest of her life.

Original poster
Seeker42 · 09/12/2024 15:05

Startinganew32 · 09/12/2024 15:00

If you’re not expecting them to contribute to the mortgage or give up their career then yes. However if you’re expecting your gf to carry a child, take mat leave or substantially financially contribute then it’s a different matter. Or as my ex suggested, I sell my house and fund his extension but his house stays in his name 😂

Show quote history

Il carry the child don’t worry 😉 and pay my own mortgage

OP posts:
Startinganew32 · 09/12/2024 15:07

ProfessionalPirate · 09/12/2024 15:04

At some point down the line she’s going to need some security, especially if you’re taking about having a child together in the future. Not suggesting you give anything away to her, you can get a legal contract drawn up that would ring-fence the money that you had put into the house yourself thus far, and then she could contribute to the mortgage going forward. Something like that. But you can’t expect her to just stay a houseguest for the rest of her life.

Show quote history

Yes that would only be desirable/okay if she had her own place that she was renting out and therefore had an asset. Otherwise it’s leaving her in a very precarious position and if you want to have a baby with her leaving her with no security isn’t great.

EmmaMaria · 09/12/2024 15:08

Startinganew32 · 09/12/2024 15:02

It does seem like quite a one sided relationship where your girlfriend has to make huge changes to her life while you make none. Idk if it has a future.

I agree. I have no doubt the OP has feelings for their girlfriend, but she isn't a "partner" in any sense of the word, and the OP isn't prepared to commit to a real partnership. I think it would be the kindest thing to either end the relationship and let her girlfriend find someone who will actually be a partner, or be very clear on the terms of the relationship going forward and let her decide for herself what future she sees in it.

Very seperately from that, I would no more expect someone to give up their dog than to give up their child. They are very different things, I know, but you make a commitment to any living thing and I would think poorly of someone who simply walked away from that commitment.

TheSilkWorm · 09/12/2024 15:09

Look how many people have assumed OP is a man despite several comments indicating she's a woman

Startinganew32 · 09/12/2024 15:10

Seeker42 · 09/12/2024 15:05

Il carry the child don’t worry 😉 and pay my own mortgage

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Right and her role will be what precisely? Sorry but you don’t sound like you want to be a family with this woman at all. She sounds disposable to you and you shouldn’t be having a baby together.

AgathaKrispie · 09/12/2024 15:10

Seeker42 · 09/12/2024 14:42

No, as in she would move here rather than us get a new place together

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She won't be moving in to your house if her dog can't move in too.

Why not work on overcoming your fear and not passing it on to your son?

ForkHandlesNotFourCandles · 09/12/2024 15:11

TheSilkWorm · 09/12/2024 15:09

Look how many people have assumed OP is a man despite several comments indicating she's a woman

It’s irrelevant really.
Two people thinking about moving in together, potentially
One has a child
One has a dog

Should said dog owner give up their dog as partner doesn’t want the dog.
Nothing else to discuss.
Sex is irrelevant