AIBU to not want partners dog to move in too?

[Seeker42]

Maybe I am being unreasonable but would appreciate some perspective.
I’ve been with my partner for 2 years and we are hoping that in next year or 2 she will move in with me and my 6 year old son.
we have a great relationship and things are going well and I really believe we have a good future ahead.
she has a dog that she loves dearly. At the minute she is living with her sister who looks after the dog when girlfriend is at my house.
when we talk about the future it is so exciting but know she will expect that the dog comes too, it’s like her baby.

i am really not a dog person, in fact I’m a bit afraid of animals but especially dogs. I’ve met the dog once or twice just and it does seem a nice pet. I have just never wanted a pet and definitely not a dog that sits up on the couch and on the bed etc. my son has asked many times for a pet and he has been told no to a dog or cat. I know plenty of people love animals but I just don’t and am a bit OTT with cleaning and I feel like it would just add to my stress about that too. Now I know if girlfriend moved in she would do al the looking after. But the thought of a dog roaming by house all day while we are out at work really is a nightmare to me. I’m sorry if that offends anyone but we never had pets growing up or anything. it’s my house that I own and she would be moving in with me.

Aibu to say I wouldn’t want the dog to stay?I do think she would be very upset about this and has talked about days out with the dog etc and my son (and hopefully a future child too). I care about her a lot but I really feel like as it’s my home and my son I should do what I feel make comfortable doing.

i don’t think there is the option of her sister keeping the dog long term. I also feel this could be a sticking point to my partner moving in but I really am getting so stressed thinking about it

I'm not a fan of dogs, but I just wouldn't have got in a relationship with someone who had one - or would have been around the dog more to see if I could live with it.

YABU to, at this stage after 2 years and with plans to move in together, dismiss the dog completely.

So you're prepared to put her on the deeds?

This is going to sound cold, but it's not meant to be. How old is the dog? If you've got no immediate plans to live together it might not be an issue long term if it's an older dog.
I love animals, have had pets all my life, I don't want a resident dog so I do understand OP, but you also need to recognise that most likely means she won't move in

Right here

This sounds like a non starter and you need to be honest and upfront about it.

You don't want to live with the dog- fine. She won't want to leave the dog, also fine. So you don't live together. I'd be really cautious of thinking "maybe I could put up with it if it only went in room X and did Y" - that's not fair on anyone including you and is bound to end in unhappiness.

I'd also suggest that you need to change our attitude re her moving in with you. If a partner lives with you, it's their home and they get a say over decisions. You can't just say "my house, my rules" (well, you can but most women would run a mile). Agreeing to live together involves compromise.

I think about 4 or 5

I love dogs so much, I would never have my own dog though and when I dated I was very clear about it. It certainly wouldn't have had a 2 year relationship with a dog owner! You need to tell her now that you can't live with her dog.

Why didn’t you put about being scared of dogs in the opening post , it seems very convenient that that has suddenly cropped up whereas at the start it was I don’t like animals and their mess . Quite honestly if your partner is an animal lover and you are not I think this relationship is a non starter

The other thing to consider is, once a dog person pretty much always a dog person. We have recently lost our precious dog and miss him greatly. Once the time is right DH and I are likely to get another dog. DH wasn't a dog person when we met, but he saw me around the family pet when we visited my parents and knew that a dog would be on the cards at some point. He is now a transformed dog person!

You might as well end it now, she is going to choose the dog.

Love her, love her dog. If you really want to be together you’ll find a way to make it work. And your DC will be so happy.

how assumptive, wtf …I like the sex with my partner, don’t you?

Could you maybe ask her to bring the dog for a few nights to see how you find having a dog in your house? I think you need to her to know the dog a bit first

What does “unsure” mean here?
You genuinely don’t know?
You might be able to or you might not?

“Unsure” means not certain. You seem, in contrast, to be suggesting that you are certain that you cannot compromise.

The issue is not about being an animal lover, it’s that you’ve misled your partner.

Of course you're not unreasonable to not want a dog in your house. I own a dog and I don't like them in the house either (ex wanted one then we split up and I was left with it). However, it is unreasonable to expect her to move without her dog. It's probably best you just live separately. You don't have to live together to have a relationship.

In my opinion, it would be a big mistake to try and force her hand here without even trying to compromise. If she’s any sort of decent person, she wouldn’t just get rid of her dog for the sake of a boyfriend who is showing strong signs of being a bit of a pain in the arse to live with, and if she does get rid of her dog, I really feel she’ll resent you deeply.
Either the relationship is worth it and a compromise can be found or it’s not, and you need either accept you won’t be living together anytime soon or you need to end it.

???

Of course it’s ok, but you have to expect that she will probably want to terminate the relationship rather than remain long-distance for years on end. Unless the dog is fairly elderly and not likely to live much longer. Even then, as an animal lover myself, I could never pursue a relationship with a non-animal lover. We just wouldn’t be compatible long-term.

How old is the dog?

No, you're not unreasonable. I love animals and enjoy seeing dogs out and about but have no desire to keep one in the house.

It doesn't sound like you've hidden your feelings about dogs so I don't think you've kept her in the dark here. More that you've both let things pan out.

But if things are looking more and more like moving in is on the cards, I think you need to decide whether you could accept this dog, where you stand, and have the conversation for definite.

She may have considered this and the sister and kids want to keep it anyway if she moves away

I think a lot of the people were giving you advice on the basis that they thought you were a man so might change their tune a bit about putting her on the deeds and stuff now that they know you’re a woman 😂
But yeah I’m thinking living apart together relationship might be best for you two.

It doesn’t sound like you are compatible in terms of moving in together.

You should have a frank discussion. If she is expecting more from the relationship when you can’t commit it would be unfair to string her along.

Either way though, I cannot understand how you’re in an adult relationship, talking about living together and making her a step-parent to your child and yet you seem utterly incapable of having a conversation. Talk to her, talk your feelings out!

This 👆 stop wasting this woman's time, this relationship needs to end, compromise is not possible.

She's got to learn to live with your kid so you need to learn to live with her dog.