You dont have any emotional intimacy - he is a fraud - he doesnt meet your emotional needs thats why you are frustrated and hurting.
He doesnt meet your sexual needs.
He doesnt meet your physical (basic hygiene) and practical needs.
He doesnt want to be married and raise children (again) - he didnt even want to do that first time around thats why he got divorced and didnt pull his weight raising his children.
He is not a good husband or partner and he is not a good parent - why do you want him for either.
Your future children deserve much better than this. You are very close to giving your future children exactly the traumatic upbringing you had.
Your future you deserves someone who hears you, prioritises you and collaborates with you.
You have had a shit upbringing that has taught you to expect very little, not voice your basic needs or speak up, tolerate too much but stay and tolerate more. Thats because as a child we had no other options but to stay in a bleak and neglectful situation just to survive as a child needs their dreadful parents to put a roof over their heads and a child always has relentless hope that the parent will come through. But they never did.
This is your 'normal' within intimate relationships. Its demonstrated by your child like passivity (I am not surprised he is significantly older than you) and helplessness not to set deadlines and consequences and not to take any action. You blame him all the time. But it is you who is not being accountable to yourself - he is living the life he wants to lead. His actions / non actions are all you should be paying attention to. Make a list of all the incidents over the years that have confused, unsettled, upset or frustrated you - and you will see the culmination and pattern which he has told you by his actions but your have taken no action.
But this can change and is changing.
The process is awareness, anger, acceptance and agency.
You are aware and angry.
You need to accept the situation for what it objectively is - who he is - what he is doing and not doing as well as what you are doing / not doing and how you are feeling. You know the forced marriage and children wont even happen and your gut is screaming at you that both would be very unfulfilling at best and horrendous at worst.
Lastly YOU have agency. You have to be accountable for creating the life you want, nurturing the emotional postive relationships we all need and cutting out the people and circumstances that dont keep to that.
The ball is in your court. Work with a therapist to see you through this.