To think even men in their 80’s are still sex obsessed !!!

[Prettydisgustedactually]

A year ago, a new neighbour moved in next door, he’s 87. When I found out his age, before he moved in, I mentioned to my kids that we must be caring and helpful etc and keep an eye on him.

However, he’s the opposite of what we expected. Drives literally anywhere in his sporty BMW, has an iPhone, on YouTube etc….a very young at heart type. He has an on/off relationship with a woman in her late 60’s but they row lots and she ups and leaves.

Over the summer he asked if he could help me with the garden to keep himself fit. I offered to pay but he wouldn’t accept so I made him lunch on the days he helped. One day my daughter wanted to go in the pool, but because he was there she wouldn’t. I told her not to be silly but she said she felt weird because he’d made some kind of innuendo about me. She couldn’t remember what exactly, as she was shocked he’d said it. I told her she was mistaken as he’s 87.

Then a few weeks later he said “I’d have a go at you if you weren’t married” I’m 56!!! I was so shocked, but pretended I hadn’t heard. The week after he’d changed his car, and when I asked how he was getting on with it he told me it was great and he’d ‘Have to get me on the back seat’ Enlightening me with “I’m a fully functioning man in all areas” and going on to ask me “What do you think of that program Naked attraction?” Urgh…..I wanted to vomit 🤮

This has absolutely disgusted me and made my skin crawl. It’s actually saddened me too, as I really thought he genuinely enjoyed having a chat to me, when actually…I mean WTAF????? Then even worse!! My DD (aged 18) said he’d been all flirty with her after she put his bin out FFS 😡😡😡 What the hell?

I have sadly found this to be true - don't ever go out of your way to be helpful or kind to a man.

They will often think that it is flirting (because that's what they want to believe)

Don't feel bad for ignoring him. He doesn’t feel bad about perving on you and your daughter, making lewd comments, and invading your personal space/asserting his dominance the time you were in your car.

Men like him rely on our politeness to get away with what they do.

On holiday when I was 35 having an early swim on an empty beach. When I got back to shore, a grossly fat much older man was waiting for me. Seemed like a harmless local proud to talk about his town. Then a quick switch into ‘have you had sex yet this morning?’ Taught me a lesson. Never naively engage with them. Always be prepared for how you will close it down if they get inappropriate. Luckily was able to outpace this one and quickly left him behind.

Ignore your neighbour completely now. And if he tries to talk to you, tell him you don’t want to talk to him anymore about anything. Walk away. And if he says anything about breaking your marriage up again just tell him to fuck off.

To be honest I feel embarrassed at my stupidity. I even went and had something g to eat with him, all because he told me he was lonely. I’ve ended up feeling terrible that I somehow led him on, but I had absolutely no idea on earth that he was thinking anything. Jesus he’s 30 years my senior!!!!! I must be really dumb because one day he says something like “It’s lovely what we have, no strings but friends” I did think it odd, but put it down to a mistake on his part. I really am very stupid and feel like I asked for this. I actually feel dirty and disgusted.

Ah OP If I were you I wouldn't feel bad. What good does it do. Being naive isn't the end of the world.

You must have had a very innocent life that you genuinely thought all old men were harmless grandads.

We all possibly thought that at one stage, until we met our first pervy old man, and we learned to be wary.

It's a lesson for you. I wouldn't beat yourself up about it. You've met your first pervy old man. And you'll learn not to see them as helpless fragile creatures.

You also don't have to have anything to do with him as a neighbour.

I had an older married alcoholic male neighbour who became obsessed with me in 2012; one of the causes of my mental breakdown that year.
I blamed myself because I was friendly to him & his family on the day he moved in & that must have given him 'the wrong idea'.
I have never been friendly to any male neighbours since.

The last house I lived in I had an elderly male neighbour on one side.. I never spoke to him.

I start as I mean to go on. I like to live very independently and I don't like chatting to neighbours. So I never talk to them at the start. A polite nod, but that's it

Each to their own but I find that a little sad. If I had an elderly neighbour living alone, I'd like to get to know them and offer help if needed. Good relations with neighbours has always been mutually beneficial to me. We help each other out.

My neighbour is about 40 years older than me, when I'd not long had DS he told me I looked nice and "bosomy" 😳🤮🤮

He sounds like a creep but you are being unreasonable assuming he has no sex drive at 87. There's nothing wrong with an old person having a libido and wanting lots of sex with consenting partners. You have assumed he must not care about sex because he is a doddery old man, which is quite ageist tbh. If you ever worked with the elderly you would know they still enjoy a sex life, even in nursing homes older people pair up and have sex.

Too be honest, you invited sexual predator into your daughter's life. You should have cut him off after first inappropriate remark on his part. It's great that you are friendly with your neighbours but next time you need to be more careful and recognise the signs early, also listen to your daughter as teenage girls generally don't get uncomfortable for no reason.

Wondering about his age is pointless because sexual pests are not a direct result of functional sexual desire anyway. A man could not be interested or able to have actual sex yet still could be a pest. It comes from sense of entitlement, dominance and lack of respect for boundaries. It's character flaw that rarely changes with age.

What?

Have you been following the thread?

You do realise that you've written that you would help an elderly neighbour

On a thread where the OP said that she offered to help her elderly neighbour

And in return he said to her "I'd love to have a go at you in the back seat of the car"

And he also sexually harassed her daughter.?

We do not have to offer any help to strange elderly men

Yes I know and if a neighbour started behaving that way with me, I'd immediately stop contact.
However, I wouldn't refuse to have any contact with an elderly neighbour in case they were a sex pest. We had a lovely relationship with an old man who lived next door to us in our old house. We'd take in turns to go to each other's houses for tea. When we had our daughter he gave her an old sovereign which was supposed to bring her luck. He was completely alone. His wife had died and his son lived abroad. I know our friendship brought him comfort in his final years.
He continued to write to us after we moved to another city. When he died, his son wrote to us saying how much our friendship had meant to him.
I'd rather not go through life ignoring vulnerable elderly people on the off chance they're sexual deviants. If they are, then that's a different matter.
There are many elderly and lonely people in our society. A small amount of contact with neighbours cam transform their lives.

I rather would go through life ignoring vulnerable elderly people, on the off chance that they are sexual deviants.

As I have met many perverted old men. Have you met any?

Well that's entirely your right. We're all different. You do what's best for you, and I'll do what's best for me.
Yes, I posted upthread about the many perverted old men I'd met as a teenager living in Spain. I know they exist! I still give people the benefit of the doubt and so far, I haven't had any old men making advances to me in the UK. I'm about to turn 50 so do have some life experience. I know it happens and if it did, I'd deal with it.

I'd rather protect myself than take the risk.

One time my mum was extremely sick in hospital. Her elderly male neighbour offered to give me a ride into hospital (as my car was getting fixed at the time).

I remember thinking "how nice that he is offering to help when I'm going through a tough time".

On the drive into the hospital, he stared at my breasts most of the way and said that he would like to date "a sexy young thing like me".

I'm hardened to life. I trust no one.

In my experience age is indeed no barrier

As a student I did a research project where I administered psychology tests to older people statistically half of them were male obviously and as it was a follow up study I would be 1:1 with them on repeated occasions. I had quite a number of propositions from men in their. 70s and 80s some of whom were married. Offers of dinner, days out and once even a cruise but with clear ulterior motives.

On work experience in a care home an elderly man who was paralysed down one side asked me to get his handkerchief out of his trouser pocket. When I did so I encountered his erect penis. The nurse said she regretted not warning me 'he does it to all the new girls'

Working on elderly care wards I have been groped and cat called more times than I care to recall. For some of them it was dementia or illness related but for some it was just an opportunity.

I used to do some craft lessons with a guy who was 80, he did not look it all, was very attractive, I was younger woman but this was not the case. He had respect for my money so however, we used to go through a garden where he rented a studio and the owner of the garden used to have young ladies volunteers doing gardening....so once we were walking with him to his studio and two tall skinny pleasant ladies bent over doing something. He just turned his whole body to their direction and started staring not minding me, another female, 35 years young is seeing what he is doing. I asked is he ok and he sighed, shook his head and rolled his eyes.

He was missing lessons also and behaving not responsibly. I declined the lessons and saw him one day with a massive ruck sack checking his emails in a public library computer area, he looked very awkward me seeing that and mentioned something but I knew then and there that the old Mrs has chucked him out.

these types do exist.

Yes, that sounds unpleasant, and if you're more comfortable avoiding old men, then fair enough. I've had plenty of experiences like that with younger men. Generally, I just take people as I find them. I trust them until they give me reason not to. Maybe I'm naive, I don't know.

He's probably been like that his whole life.

Men are men, whether they're 28 or 88. I've had as much groping and innuendo from old men as I have from younger men. Sorry, but the OP must've been living under a rock to be shocked to the very core over this.

I was 40 with a 70year old friend who I helped out with a specific issue/bill. I was married with a 2 year old.

Turned out he genuinely thought I fancied him.

A lot of men don't see women as human with their own thoughts and feelings.

They see women as a "thing" that they're entitled to have.

That's why many men always assume that you fancy them.

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Yes! That was the mistake we made. Old man living mostly alone, make sure he’s ok, offer help if needed. Never again though! He totally mistook my kindness as being up for sex. I am utterly disgusted and from now on will never offer help to any man, 50, 60 or 90. As for being flirty with my daughter🥵🥵🥵 If it happens again I will report him to the police. I’ve gone past the stage of feeling bad for him and guilty for ignoring him. It was fully deserved 😡😡😡😡😡

It’s got nothing to do with being ageist, or assuming he has no sex drive. Being 87 should not mean it’s excusable to make sexual remarks to women who it should be obvious are not interested. How is that ok?