To think even men in their 80’s are still sex obsessed !!!

[Prettydisgustedactually]

A year ago, a new neighbour moved in next door, he’s 87. When I found out his age, before he moved in, I mentioned to my kids that we must be caring and helpful etc and keep an eye on him.

However, he’s the opposite of what we expected. Drives literally anywhere in his sporty BMW, has an iPhone, on YouTube etc….a very young at heart type. He has an on/off relationship with a woman in her late 60’s but they row lots and she ups and leaves.

Over the summer he asked if he could help me with the garden to keep himself fit. I offered to pay but he wouldn’t accept so I made him lunch on the days he helped. One day my daughter wanted to go in the pool, but because he was there she wouldn’t. I told her not to be silly but she said she felt weird because he’d made some kind of innuendo about me. She couldn’t remember what exactly, as she was shocked he’d said it. I told her she was mistaken as he’s 87.

Then a few weeks later he said “I’d have a go at you if you weren’t married” I’m 56!!! I was so shocked, but pretended I hadn’t heard. The week after he’d changed his car, and when I asked how he was getting on with it he told me it was great and he’d ‘Have to get me on the back seat’ Enlightening me with “I’m a fully functioning man in all areas” and going on to ask me “What do you think of that program Naked attraction?” Urgh…..I wanted to vomit 🤮

This has absolutely disgusted me and made my skin crawl. It’s actually saddened me too, as I really thought he genuinely enjoyed having a chat to me, when actually…I mean WTAF????? Then even worse!! My DD (aged 18) said he’d been all flirty with her after she put his bin out FFS 😡😡😡 What the hell?

It’s good that he now knows that he shouldn’t say these things. But again, it isn’t his age that’s important. It doesn’t matter how much older he is than you, it’s that he’s being inappropriate.

If he was the same age as you would it make saying these things better? Hopefully not.

Pervy men are pervy men whatever their age.

The old goat a few doors down from me hit on me while my husband was still alive. I've since realised that he targets women who are carers.

As I told one of the other women, he claims to be in his fifties. The only part of him that's around fifty would be his false teeth.

I apologise if I have offended you. Being pervy is vile at any age, but it somehow seems more shocking from an 87 year old. Maybe it shouldn’t. No offence meant against your lovely dad.

Could you ask your husband to tell him to never speak to you or daughter again or he'll report him to the police for sexual harrassment and he's is no longer welcome around your house? Maybe mention you have put up security cameras and will be recording him.

(Can't imagine the police could do anything but it wouldn't surprise me if the old man had previous allegations made against him).

I do think men never lose that urge. I had a
job once where I had contact with lots of elderly widowers and the amount that tried to ask me out on dates for dinner / drinks / round to their houses was insane. I was in my early 20s! Some take a bit of kindness as a come on, no matter their age.

Omg too right! I have apologised profusely to her and told her she was absolutely right to feel something was off and never to listen to anything other than her instincts. I have told her to absolutely avoid all interactions with him.

sorry but no idea what NAMALT means.

Could you use your words and teach your daughter to as well?

Which is why I now feel like crap 💩

I met an 80 yo on holiday recently. Very tidy, lived a great life. He said “I’ve had 7 wives. But only 1 was mine”. I did laugh

Done tonight!!! Read a few pages up.

I have apologised and I actually feel mortified for ignoring her.

This is sexual harassment. If it happens again, tell him that's what it is and that you will not tolerate it another minute. Don't let your kids be alone with him either.
You can also tell him he is not doing your garden anymore either. He wants an excuse to be in your garden in case he's caught peeping on you and your daughter. That's why he's doing it and he can fuck right off.
You have to be firm and unequivocal with scum like this.

Omg 😦 Please tell me you went to the police?

A letch is a letch, no matter what the age.
I suspect he has always been a sexual pest.

Good for you. You've turned it into something positive.

Also, NAMALT = Not all men are like that. The initials are usually used ironically because it's such a common response to reports of men being horrible. I wasn't being ironic in this case.
Thank you for the reminder to type things out properly.

Omg! Literally every time I open my gates to leave or arrive home, he comes out. He’s literally waiting for me to get home from work every day, either standing on his doorstep or in his garage. Tonight I went to the shop at 8.45pm and he opened his door and shut it. I actually feel really anxious now and I am gobsmacked at how stupid and naive I’ve been.

OP where is your husband in all this?

Have you told him any of it?

I think you need to have one final discussion direct with him to lay out a) he's been acting really inappropriately, b) as a result you no longer want to spend time with him/have him help in the garden.

Simple, clear, unequivocal "leave us alone".

Any excuses/apologies are simply batted back with "regardless, I don't feel comfortable being around you, so please do not come around" or whatever.

He works abroad, so is away for weeks at a time. When I befriended him he often said “doesn’t your husband mind” and I’d say “of course not” because at that time, I was so bloody naive. Now I know why he was asking that. I got home tonight and he wasn’t in. Then when I needed to pop some stuff over to a friend with my daughter, he still wasn’t in, but when I got back he was just sitting in his car on the driveway, obviously waiting for me. I just drove past and into our driveway.
i actually feel bad for ignoring him, but it’s his own fault. I keep thinking back now to odd things he said. He once said his woman friend accused him of sleeping with his dead son’s wife. He also said he’d like to have gone to a car show with my daughter…..urgh! It’s actually really upsetting me. I have told my husband and he’s told me to ignore him.

I told him I was not happy with his comments about getting me on the back seat of his car and having a crack at me and his reply was “I’d never break your marriage up” That was even worse!!!!😡😡😡 because he actually thought he could break it up and clearly thinks I’m interested.

I think it's a mistake to imagine it's about sexual urges. Although of course older people have those, harrassing women is about power, ego and identity.

A man whose fragile ego means his identity is based on sexual power over women will behave like that whatever his actual sexual feelings (probably more so the lesser they are).

It's cultural, also. Plenty of men who are brought up as feminists don't behave in that way, whatever their sexual feelings , simply because their identity isn't based on othering women or being anything more than equal human beings engaging in mutual relationships.

what a delusional pervert he is, ugh. i'm so sorry you have to deal with him as your neighbour :(

I had an elderly guy that's in his 80s, known him for years
Overheard him say to someone about me "he loved her since I met her"
ELEVEN. I was eleven when he first met me

One day my daughter wanted to go in the pool, but because he was there she wouldn’t. I told her not to be silly but she said she felt weird because he’d made some kind of innuendo about me. She couldn’t remember what exactly, as she was shocked he’d said it. I told her she was mistaken as he’s 87.

please believe your daughter :(

Some men are so delusional. They think that if you even say hello, that you are interested in them.

I was walking the camino Santiago once and I got chatting to a much older man walking it. We had both stopped in a cafe for coffee.

Naturally as you do on the camino, people talk about why are they walking the camino. I politely asked him why be was walking the camino. We exchanged email addresses as he told me about another hiking trip, I was interested in doing. He said he would send me the details and photos. Hikers on the camino often tell each other about other walking groups and exchange a few details.

That was it.

I walked on.

Next thing I got an email from him saying that he'd broken up with his girlfriend for me, and I could move into his house and live with him when I wanted to. In the email he wrote that in return for me moving in with him, he wouldn't want any rent, but he would expect me to do a few chores!

We had literally met once and had a 15 minute chat!

He was about 65. I was about 33 at the time