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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

To think even men in their 80’s are still sex obsessed !!!

219 replies

Prettydisgustedactually · 13/10/2024 23:41

A year ago, a new neighbour moved in next door, he’s 87. When I found out his age, before he moved in, I mentioned to my kids that we must be caring and helpful etc and keep an eye on him.

However, he’s the opposite of what we expected. Drives literally anywhere in his sporty BMW, has an iPhone, on YouTube etc….a very young at heart type. He has an on/off relationship with a woman in her late 60’s but they row lots and she ups and leaves.

Over the summer he asked if he could help me with the garden to keep himself fit. I offered to pay but he wouldn’t accept so I made him lunch on the days he helped. One day my daughter wanted to go in the pool, but because he was there she wouldn’t. I told her not to be silly but she said she felt weird because he’d made some kind of innuendo about me. She couldn’t remember what exactly, as she was shocked he’d said it. I told her she was mistaken as he’s 87.

Then a few weeks later he said “I’d have a go at you if you weren’t married” I’m 56!!! I was so shocked, but pretended I hadn’t heard. The week after he’d changed his car, and when I asked how he was getting on with it he told me it was great and he’d ‘Have to get me on the back seat’ Enlightening me with “I’m a fully functioning man in all areas” and going on to ask me “What do you think of that program Naked attraction?” Urgh…..I wanted to vomit 🤮

This has absolutely disgusted me and made my skin crawl. It’s actually saddened me too, as I really thought he genuinely enjoyed having a chat to me, when actually…I mean WTAF????? Then even worse!! My DD (aged 18) said he’d been all flirty with her after she put his bin out FFS 😡😡😡 What the hell?

OP posts:
justasking111 · 13/10/2024 23:43

Ugh vile man. Cut him loose.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 13/10/2024 23:45

Yeh I think they are.

Darby3785 · 13/10/2024 23:48

I'd steer clear from him

Nothing wrong with him living his best life but he seriously cannot be going around being overtly sexual like that!! Totally inappropriate!!

SerenityNowInsanityLater · 13/10/2024 23:48

I have quite a few elderly men on my road and none of them behave like this. He's proof that sex pests grow old. Who he was at 25 and 45 is who he is now. He's just a dirtbag.
I'd give him the biggest, coldest swerve without a second thought. He's gross. No wonder his 60-something year old on-offer is mostly off and running.

Roundthemoon · 13/10/2024 23:49

Ugh.

Yes some of the worst men I've met have been old.

Nsky62 · 13/10/2024 23:50

Prettydisgustedactually · 13/10/2024 23:41

A year ago, a new neighbour moved in next door, he’s 87. When I found out his age, before he moved in, I mentioned to my kids that we must be caring and helpful etc and keep an eye on him.

However, he’s the opposite of what we expected. Drives literally anywhere in his sporty BMW, has an iPhone, on YouTube etc….a very young at heart type. He has an on/off relationship with a woman in her late 60’s but they row lots and she ups and leaves.

Over the summer he asked if he could help me with the garden to keep himself fit. I offered to pay but he wouldn’t accept so I made him lunch on the days he helped. One day my daughter wanted to go in the pool, but because he was there she wouldn’t. I told her not to be silly but she said she felt weird because he’d made some kind of innuendo about me. She couldn’t remember what exactly, as she was shocked he’d said it. I told her she was mistaken as he’s 87.

Then a few weeks later he said “I’d have a go at you if you weren’t married” I’m 56!!! I was so shocked, but pretended I hadn’t heard. The week after he’d changed his car, and when I asked how he was getting on with it he told me it was great and he’d ‘Have to get me on the back seat’ Enlightening me with “I’m a fully functioning man in all areas” and going on to ask me “What do you think of that program Naked attraction?” Urgh…..I wanted to vomit 🤮

This has absolutely disgusted me and made my skin crawl. It’s actually saddened me too, as I really thought he genuinely enjoyed having a chat to me, when actually…I mean WTAF????? Then even worse!! My DD (aged 18) said he’d been all flirty with her after she put his bin out FFS 😡😡😡 What the hell?

Unpleasant, def, avoid

Roundthemoon · 13/10/2024 23:50

I once went into a nursing home to visit my mam, who was in there temporarily to recover from an operation

The men in the nursing home were flirting with me.

They don't care. They see a young woman and they will flirt.

Roundthemoon · 13/10/2024 23:52

I think it's sad that your daughter said she didn't want to go in the pool because he was there, and you told her not to be silly.

If I was teenager, I wouldn't want to get into the swimming pool in front of any of my old male neighbours.

No way.

Saschka · 13/10/2024 23:54

I think sometimes old men become disinhibited, and do and say things they wouldn’t have done 30 years ago. Or perhaps just give less of a shit/think you are less likely to slap them round the face when they are 87.

But yes it is totally grim, and you are fine to steer clear of him.

Roundthemoon · 13/10/2024 23:55

Saschka · 13/10/2024 23:54

I think sometimes old men become disinhibited, and do and say things they wouldn’t have done 30 years ago. Or perhaps just give less of a shit/think you are less likely to slap them round the face when they are 87.

But yes it is totally grim, and you are fine to steer clear of him.

Yeah some of them definitely play the "poor old harmless me" card

And then are total pervs.

Prettydisgustedactually · 13/10/2024 23:56

Roundthemoon · 13/10/2024 23:52

I think it's sad that your daughter said she didn't want to go in the pool because he was there, and you told her not to be silly.

If I was teenager, I wouldn't want to get into the swimming pool in front of any of my old male neighbours.

No way.

Edited

Tbh I really did think she was being silly! I mean come on…at 87!!! Maybe you’re right, but I was thinking more grandad than sex pest at this point! Absolutely zero inclination he was like this.

OP posts:
Roundthemoon · 13/10/2024 23:58

Prettydisgustedactually · 13/10/2024 23:56

Tbh I really did think she was being silly! I mean come on…at 87!!! Maybe you’re right, but I was thinking more grandad than sex pest at this point! Absolutely zero inclination he was like this.

Yeah I understand.

But definitely don't ever be fooled into thinking that old men are harmless because they're old.

Some of the worst perverts I've met were old men.

Mmhmmn · 14/10/2024 00:01

Just tell him he needs to cut it out, that neither you or you daughter want to hear inappropriate/suggestive comments, that they make women uncomfortable.

Some men are creepy like that, many aren’t. If they are, their age is neither here nor there. It’s individual personality and behaviour 🤷🏻‍♀️ Just get him told

Roundthemoon · 14/10/2024 00:02

For example when I was a teenager, my aunty lived next door to a man who was in his 80s. My cousin (aunts daughter)was the same age as me.

My aunty used to send us round to his house to do a few chores for him, as he was so " old and helpless".

He used to say sexual remarks to us every time we went round to his house . We were only 14.

I managed to get out of going after a while.

SerenityNowInsanityLater · 14/10/2024 00:04

No really, I get your daughter!!
She doesn't want to be ogled by some fossilised creep wearing Speedo briefs.

Roundthemoon · 14/10/2024 00:17

When i was a teenager, I'd hate to get in the pool in front of any of my male neighbours.

If a man is any way a bit of a pervert, Teenage girls are their ultimate fantasy.

When I was a teenage girl, I used to go for walks. If I walked past one of my male neighbours houses, he would get in his car, come out and follow me in the car, up the quiet road. He would pull up beside me and say "going for a walk ay?" And he would stare at my breasts.

DontBother123 · 14/10/2024 00:17

I think you’ve been incredibly naive with your grandad idea. Put a stop to the gardening and lunches and Ffs listen to your daughter next time she says she feels uncomfortable.

If he can do your gardening he can put his own bin out.

Osirus · 14/10/2024 00:24

I know a man in his early 90s who’s had at least three girlfriends this year. And yes; he still “performs” apparently. He’s a lovely guy and women take advantage of him (he’s very rich, and also very lonely).

Rubyandscarlett · 14/10/2024 00:27

Ugh dirty bastard. So wrong.

Roundthemoon · 14/10/2024 00:27

DontBother123 · 14/10/2024 00:17

I think you’ve been incredibly naive with your grandad idea. Put a stop to the gardening and lunches and Ffs listen to your daughter next time she says she feels uncomfortable.

If he can do your gardening he can put his own bin out.

I have often seen adult women being extremely naive about old men.

And they kind of put teenagers into harms way.

My aunty used to send me round to help out her elderly male neighbour because he was "harmless." And "lonely". Her words

He said very inappropriate things to me.

I saw a different woman send her teenage daughter over to talk to an old neighbour cuz he was harmless. He was a right pervert!

Trust your teenage daughter before any old man

Hazeltwig · 14/10/2024 00:28

Well yes, he's being creepy, but you are also being very ageist if you think folks aren't interested in sex just because they are old. DH's grandad got remarried at 93 (to a spring chicken of 76) and they bought a nice new double bed.
Wait until you are in your 80s and see if you stop feeling randy...

No excuse for making unwelcome and crude remarks however.

TobaccoFlower · 14/10/2024 00:30

My uncle is 97 and he's always been a bit of a perv. I guess when he was 40 the Carry On films would have been in their heyday

username3678 · 14/10/2024 00:31

I was in a book club and made friends with a nice man, a sprightly 70 year old (I'd guess). He used to drop me off after the group. One night he said his wife was away and did I want to come back to his!

MeetThePainters · 14/10/2024 00:32

It never ends for women. In her 80s my mother was in hospital for a while. Men and women had separate bays off a central area, where the toilets were (still single sex). Twice my mother was followed into the toilets by an elderly male patient. She played it down but we were furious and spoke to the nurses about it. It didn't happen again.

She's now in her 90s and in a care home. About a month ago one of the male residents entered her room in the night and she woke up to him touching her thigh. She told him to go away, which he did, but again I had to speak to the manager, who suggested they lock her door at night. They insisted he was probably just confused and they'd speak to him. Fortunately he was there for respite so left soon afterwards.

Honestly, it never ends, and old men can be just as sleazy as young men - even more so!

BibbityBobbityToo · 14/10/2024 00:32

Chances are he has been a sex pest his whole life or, there is some degree of dementia and the normal social filters are breaking.

I would be avoiding him like the plague.