No longer blindsided by H

[Gingerloaf]

This is a second thread - first one was ‘blindsided by H’

A couple of weeks has passed since that thread ended and suffice to say the shit show is a gift that keeps on giving.

An attempt was made at face to face discussions about ‘us’ and there were tentative noises from H although his concern for how OW would take his leaving her seemed to occupy his mind rather more than it should.

A period of time to reflect and H has decided he is required to look after his mental health - it’s somewhat bizarre that the perpetrator decides that he is the victim and must be protected at all costs. So I readily agreed to some non contact ( more for myself than him) it took less than 2 weeks for the next contact to be made.
Once again the me, me, me dialogue was started. There was also a completely useless email but hey, we have to show we are ‘reasonable’ even if all other behaviours are that of a small child.

Plenty of things afoot for me - busy calendar ahead.
What has been pleasing is the righteous anger of other woman in my age range who are now seeing this pattern play out in so many long term relationships. This is now taking the form of politely confronting OW and asking WTAF was she thinking??
Reputations are being bruised shall we say - and frankly they have both had a very polite and easy run of it up until now.
There is a lot of evidence that the relationship is strained but that was always predicted and very sad considering this little diversion has cost us a relationship of almost 40 years.

So no reconciliation, not even a whiff of ‘I am sorry’ and certainly no adult / reasonable discussions.

Looking forward to hearing from
@Goldcushions2
@MillyCentTap
@shamedbysiri
@Diarygirlqueen
@Acrossthepond55
@Fannyfiggs

I have noticed an awful lot of tarot card reading reels on FB - apparently he’s coming in with a communication and a desire to reconnect ( according to the spirits) Time will tell! Who says FB is not listening to us??

When it happened to me I soon gave up on the idea of a Marco and got another puppy and two kittens instead. Much better 😁

An attractive friend of mine has been widowed in her sixties. The men sniffing around her both single and married is extraordinary.

These are men whose wives are friends of hers.
The men were friends of her late husbands.

Frankly she's got her pick of a sorry bunch of men who are behaving badly.

@JimberlyJo - Sharlene Spiteri was cheated on OMG that passed me by. My goodness these men truly are pricks.
I will check out the music ( you didn’t derail it at all - all contributions welcome)
Despite a love of punk I have a soft spot for ABBA - I was singing So Long by them very loudly in the car the other day. It’s fascinating how songs can just get the right vibe for the right moment

@REP22 - thank you for remembering the bull terrier - that would be great and probably more loyal than a man!

@meercat23 - so sorry for your DD and thank you for the advice that eventually people will see it for what it is. Our DC and their friends who have known H since they were toddlers are firmly in my camp. I am sure they will all be polite and acknowledge him but they will give him a wide berth. I know he has lost way more than he can ever begin to know. I very doubt BB will be in the scene this time next year - once a cheater always a cheater

@justasking111 - the thought of dating turns my stomach ( and don’t get me wrong I still have all my wants and needs) I look at men of my age and they are woeful - which is probably why despite the farting and snoring BB thinks MM is a catch!!! Let’s see how a lonely Xmas helps the passion

Once again - many thanks - you all keep me going.

I think you could describe my music taste as “eclectic” @Gingerloaf

i love everything from 70s disco, ABBA, you name it. Always loved going to gigs and still do!

given the recent revival of country music, I’m gonna haunt you might have you cantering around your house on your imaginary horse. Yeeha!

@Gingerloaf date a younger man in thr future if you find men your age woeful. My dp is 5 years younger and I dated much younger than me before I settled down with him … like 12 years younger! No shortage of them, I got chatting to at guy about 26 in Halfords this week and said I wanted to sell my car. He asked for my number as he said he would want to buy it … but I gave him my dps number as I want him to deal with car stuff. My dp did said to me didn’t you see he wanted your number to chat you up as you already told the guy all the faults on your car! ! So the guy did never call re buying the car lol was a bit niaeve but made my dp sit up and activated the caveman mode which is fine, reminder to appreciate me but like so many others on this thread, I really don’t trust any man not to cheat ( my dp includes!)

@Secondstart1001 - well BB has ‘dated’ younger - but doesn’t get the cultural references he makes.

Let’s see what the future brings - the other day a friend looked at me and said ‘your skin is amazing’ that made me feel
good ( all those posh products are working)

There is actually a lot to be said for being on your own - eat what you want, sleep when you want, use the products, don't stress listening to snoring, make your own plans ( no more compromises) and generally get back to being yourself!

@Gingerloaf yes lots of positives to being on your own lol but after being on my own for 4 years missed sex too much and when I met my dp he just actually fitted in with my life quite well. For a long time was just intent on staying alone and just dating. Everyone is different 😌 who knows I might regret it at a later date

If you want songs about cheating men getting their comeuppance, check out Carrie Underwood - I particularly like 'Before He Cheats' and 'Two Black Cadillacs'.

Surely the ultimate break up song is - Go your own way ( Fleetwood Mac) and then standing on stage and actually singing it at the bloke who broke your heart …. And everyone singing along with you. Ooooo that must hurt

I thought he wrote it when she left him?

@PyreneanAubrie - yeah I think you are right but it must be weird for them
on stage and belting it out 😂

Look on YouTube for a live performance of Silver Springs - it seems to be far more venomous than Go Your Own Way!

I am learning so much and gaining strength from this (and the previous) thread. Thank you Gingerloaf and all of you wonderful women!

I think there's still something between Stevie and whatever his name is, unless she's just trying to fuck with his head a little bit. And who can blame her.

the other day a friend looked at me and said ‘your skin is amazing’ that made me feel good

I bumped into someone I hadn't known for very long a few months after the break up. She said "You're looking well. You're looking really well!" and I revelled in the compliment and said I was feeling great. It was a few days later when I realised she'd only ever seen me with no make-up on and I was made up that day 😄

generally get back to being yourself!

I can't remember if I've said it already but my mum said to me quite early on that I'd become myself again. I didn't know what she meant but I realised one day that I had, and that was what she had meant. I revel in that too.

I totally agree with you @Gingerloaf that there's a lot to be said for being on your own. I know it's not for everyone but it can be particularly calming for those of us who lived with 🤔hmm, what's the word? arseholes, that'll do.

We've sublimated ourselves to fit in with what they want. I would think it takes time to undo that

I sang this one a LOT.
Another good one is My Life by Billy Joel.
"You can speak your mind, but not on my time!"

Oh yes, @Autumnblackberries , I bloody love Billy Joel 😎. I'm going to be singing that all night now, but I don't mind 🤗

Watched Stevie do that in Rotterdadam 30-35 years ago.
What a woman😍

This is literally my first post but I have been following for a long time and had to add Dreams was her song about the breakup, another great one to belt out! You are doing amazing Gingerloaf!

Thanks for the earworm 😁Great song though so I'm not complaining.

A little time. Beautiful South!

I love the grittiness of her comebacks to his lyrics.

My Chemical Romance - I don’t love you - it’s a brilliant track in my opinion. Thinking of you ginger. X

Many thanks folks - today was one of those days where I got to do things I normally left up to H

So - for the first time I booked the car into the garage for some work to be done. Normally I would be at work and would swop cars with H and he would sort
It’s pretty easy to do that bit - but I was given a courtesy car. Normally I am not keen to drive a new car in front of a bunch of young mechanics - the gear stick is elsewhere, the engine responses differently, everything seems different up until now I would avoid it.
So at rush hour today I was navigating the roads in a very different car. Difficult at first but we soon bonded and whizzed around all day. For me that was another first - another thing I could always have done but, because in a marriage you get into habits, you don’t do it.
I made a point of noticing this - and giving myself the thumbs up. It wasn’t a major thing it’s just another first and a new thing for me.

I then sat in a meeting and felt a raft of emotions about my life at this moment - I seem to have images of them together- and no matter how often I tell myself he’s a shit, have more dignity, etc I still have these lurches and it stops me in my track.
My head knows what has to be done
My heart seems to have difficulty keeping up with my head

I I know this will pass but it’s just how it is and I know people have said ‘ you have to sit with the emotions’ - it’s the randomness of it all. The sheer nastiness of Hs behaviour after four decades ( which should make me more kick ass) it’s the sheer waste of a lifetime of believing we wanted the same things and looking at how my life will be dismantled

I post this because this is how it is today, this evening and it will pass ( this happens less these days) but I think his reinvention and rewriting has niggled me ( when I know I should laugh it off) but recovering from partner betrayal is hard. This may be obvious to some but if your friend, colleague or family member is experiencing this - just know it is utterly shit and soul destroying

I will be fine tomorrow- so a glass of red, some pasta and a film is on the cards for me.

I hear you @Gingerloaf . Mine was abusive, as I think I've already said, but it was the cheating and betrayal that hurt me. His abuse caused the death of my son but the cheating was the thing that angered me more than anything, which sounds ridiculous I'm sure, but it was the way I felt.

I hear you too about the little things. When it's something you've always been able to avoid, even if it's not very big, it's still a swerve out of your comfort zone and those little swerves amount to a big 'fuck you' to the cheating arseholes as they build your confidence 💪

Enjoy your evening as much as you can, I shall raise my glass to you again 🍷

@MillyCentTap 💐 💐💐❤️

@Gingerloaf well done 👏 funny like navigating some stuff isn’t too complicated or difficult as they make it out 🙄
There’s nothing to stop you now 😃