No longer blindsided by H

[Gingerloaf]

This is a second thread - first one was ‘blindsided by H’

A couple of weeks has passed since that thread ended and suffice to say the shit show is a gift that keeps on giving.

An attempt was made at face to face discussions about ‘us’ and there were tentative noises from H although his concern for how OW would take his leaving her seemed to occupy his mind rather more than it should.

A period of time to reflect and H has decided he is required to look after his mental health - it’s somewhat bizarre that the perpetrator decides that he is the victim and must be protected at all costs. So I readily agreed to some non contact ( more for myself than him) it took less than 2 weeks for the next contact to be made.
Once again the me, me, me dialogue was started. There was also a completely useless email but hey, we have to show we are ‘reasonable’ even if all other behaviours are that of a small child.

Plenty of things afoot for me - busy calendar ahead.
What has been pleasing is the righteous anger of other woman in my age range who are now seeing this pattern play out in so many long term relationships. This is now taking the form of politely confronting OW and asking WTAF was she thinking??
Reputations are being bruised shall we say - and frankly they have both had a very polite and easy run of it up until now.
There is a lot of evidence that the relationship is strained but that was always predicted and very sad considering this little diversion has cost us a relationship of almost 40 years.

So no reconciliation, not even a whiff of ‘I am sorry’ and certainly no adult / reasonable discussions.

Looking forward to hearing from
@Goldcushions2
@MillyCentTap
@shamedbysiri
@Diarygirlqueen
@Acrossthepond55
@Fannyfiggs

I have noticed an awful lot of tarot card reading reels on FB - apparently he’s coming in with a communication and a desire to reconnect ( according to the spirits) Time will tell! Who says FB is not listening to us??

@Thewookiemustgo - totally agree. He won’t t think I am looking for work. So it’s more nosey and he’s blocked from FB etc
Its been a few days since last contact so I am not surprised there is ‘contact’ - and considering how unpleasant he was when we bumped into each other - he’s more like an idiot trapped in a hole with no way out.
Friends say it’s just another example of his irrational behaviour - he made his choices time and again

Absolutely agree, and he’s the idiot trapped in the hole he dug for himself, desperately looking for somebody or something to blame.
No doubt he’ll keep digging, the loss of face of admitting what he’s done and very likely wishing he hadn’t would be unbearable.
I don’t predict a happy Christmas in the budgie cage. She’s locked him in and doesn’t seem to let him fly far without her. Screeches of suspicion where you’re concerned and a lack of trust and no wonder.

I think @Gingerloaf he can’t believe you’re not playing the pick me game, it’s totally doing his head in and hurting his ego as Nora Budgie made him feel like king of the hill and he wants to be fought over. He wants options but your not playing your part and quite frankly pissing on his parade so he looks online at your page as if you do see he has viewed it ensures he is on your mind.

@SpryCat - I do think he is manipulative enough to leave his ‘digital fingerprint’ there thinking I will see it - but it’s his long shot as in the past I didn’t use it
He’s been suspiciously quiet - and there are a few things that he could contact over ( not going to explain here) and hasn’t
Maybe he’s smarting over the last encounter where he messed up and I laughed at him - it’s not worth the brain space - just another random example

To be honest, @Gingerloaf , I'd put money on it actually being BudgieB who's been having a reckie at said FB style professional page, out of sheer nosiness.

She's probably making the most of MM's profile (perhaps isn't registered herself, and unaware you get notified of the views).

@SpideyVerse - an interesting thought and unless he handed her the phone and showed her what to do I think it’s unlikely she has no online presence at all. I cannot convey how insular and unworldly this woman is ( and that’s backed up by numerous people who know her)
Its in her interests to hear negative stories about me not to see the list of achievements- so interesting as it is I still think it’s H - for whatever reason

If he can prove that you are working, could he use it against you in a divorce? Would it work more favourably for him when finances are split? To try prove that he needs a bigger share of the marital assets, since you are better able to support yourself and he isn’t.

Is his online snooping in order to gain evidence/screenshots? If so be very careful what you put online before the divorce. He is not your friend so act carefully.

I think it’s a case that he left in haste and is now repenting at leisure.
He didn’t think it through.
He thought he could walk out, blame you, have you so broken that you would just sit and wait for him to come home while he did a trial period with Norah Budgie.
Which means he underestimated the woman he left, and had little knowledge of the woman he was flying off to.
He made a poor decision made on short-term flattery, what looked like an easier life for him, and his ego got stroked.
And although you don’t want him back and would never take him back I would bet my house that’s he thinking…
shit, what have I done?
Living the life of a paid chauffeur eventually gets boring. He must be bored to tears.
If you were still there, showing signs that you wanted him to come home, I think he would be making approaches.
But you Ginger are made of stronger stuff than that.
He has shouted at you because he’s unhappy, he’s made a shit choice that has hurt everyone… and he knows you know!
If Norah Budgie at some point needs care he’s really going to crap himself. But let him. Let him have a shitty, boring Christmas at the graveside of Norah’s Deceased and you can enjoy the time you have with people who really love you.
You deserve it.

@Hollietree - all finances have to be evidenced at the end and so he’s not looking for this evidence. He is either tho king - she will see this digital fingerprint eventually ( but I was not a big user of the platform) or he’s looking at my career and thinking ‘ I was / am married to a woman who achieved something’
People who have known this woman 30 years say ‘she’s effing boring’ - Hand on heart I am not

@PeggyMitchellsCameo - I think you are close to the mark and this is not wishful thinking with me. I found myself deleting some of his photos on my phone - you suddenly realise you have none of yourself ( I am going to fix that at Xmas) I also went through the packets of photos we have and packed them up for the DC to select what they want of their F - I have no intention of erasing him but the kids get first dibs.
He can have what’s left over when this sorry state of affairs is wrapped up
I am going through cupboards and sorting what I want / don’t want - he’s being g very quiet for now which is a little weird but we are a few days short of his record of 11 days without contact.
I also would not be surprised if Xmas was not going to be another holiday somewhere warm.

I saw these and thought how handy it would be if you accidentally posted Budgie Brenda's address (you would get it deleted asap of course) and we could send her these from the ladies of Mumsnet...

Budgie Brenda - here are some beautiful plates for you to serve up your delusion, your boyfriend's audacity and hopefully a great big slice of Karma. Sincerely, the wise women of Mumsnet.

I don't think he's regretting it. Sex on tap, frequent holidays. He's living the gigolo life. I'm sure her dead husband is spinning in his grave.

@fannyfiggs - I opened this post in a public place and the ensuing gaffaw made a few people look!

@justasking111 - possibly and not worth the thought
The constant need to ping emails etc and yes he has just broken the drought of contact is all part of his immature game and I am not playing it - either way there is no going back
And if the deceased is not spinning in his grave, you would think her friends would be asking about the gold digger she has moved into the house

@Gingerloaf haha that's a great reaction. My job here is done 🤣

I have just bought some of this for my stepmother for Christmas @Fannyfiggs
I don't like her very much....

😂😂😂 does your stepmother like or hate budgies. I do hope she hates them and that's why you've bought them for her 😂

I've been lurking since your first thread and haven't been able to add anything to the wonderful advice and support you have on here. I would however like to offer this as a present for your ex. It can be personalised just for him and is particularly apt because the budgie doesn't look very happy. Keep up the good work.
https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/321655054226?mkevt=1&mkcid=1&mkrid=710-53481-19255-0&campid=5338757644&toolid=20006&customid=fcc60d6494cbb24f84ec13534d6797b0

Perfect!

Sadly she has a budgie @Fannyfiggs and I'm sure that she will love it. I think that the design is horribly tacky (not a CK fan really) and I very nearly went with the budgie salt + pepper set but the thought of her gaining peak enjoyment put me off - plus she's old and probably has a few condiment sets!
I normally buy her a really awful brooch from our shop but saw the budgie china on a thread here and despite thinking how awful, I trotted off to John Lewis to buy some of that instead.
At least I know that I've put effort in when she gifts me a battered tin of biscuits that she knows I can't eat along with a bottle of wine that she knows I can't drink. The biscuits go into work or the food bank and I always gift the wine to my neighbour as a thank you for bringing back my empty bins all year.

And while I'm here - well done @Gingerloaf
You're doing so well and I can't wait until he receives his true comeuppence along with BB!

I really think you'll be over the worst, soon, op.
I can tell from your posts that you are evolving (if that's the right word) up and away from him.

Just have as nice a Christmas time as is possible and by the new year, I predict you will be feeling so, so much better.
❤️

Now we have 'her' present sorted, we can send your H this...

https://postalpranks.co.uk/product/dick-glitter-bomb/

Oh they'll be picking up glitter and dicks for years to come. Long after their relationship is over there will still be dicks and glitter in her carpets.

I hope she feels so bad for her shit pressies to you, compared to your lovely, thoughtful present to her. Something makes me think she won't though 🙄

In Australia, men’s Speedo-style swimming trunks have become colloquially known as “Budgie Smugglers” for… reasons. Some genius copyrighted the name. You could get the kids to buy him some for his travels. I found some with some far more photo-accurate budgies on them but the photo was a close up and taken from the front. I’ll spare you. Here is plan B

Photo

@Fgfgfg 😂👏

Spoiler:
What if he's not irrational or ridiculous 😬
What if he like any other person on this planet said, ( gosh) I want something different, I have spent most of my life with someone now I want something different.
Most people would say, go for it, you do you, now bear with me.
I absolutely know it's how you do this, it should be done with kindness, empathy and understanding.
But unfortunately nobody can shackle another person, he's obviously out, he's CHOSEN to do this, all this ridiculous regret rubbish is stopping you from moving on.
It's the harsh side of Mumsnet, but I absolutely believe you need to hear the harsh side OP, stop with the thinking about him, is he stalking you 🙄and get with the YOU.
It's absolutely about YOU and all I have read about in the last few posts is you still wondering about HIM!! 😡
Get your focus on you lovely, because it is about you!