No longer blindsided by H

[Gingerloaf]

This is a second thread - first one was ‘blindsided by H’

A couple of weeks has passed since that thread ended and suffice to say the shit show is a gift that keeps on giving.

An attempt was made at face to face discussions about ‘us’ and there were tentative noises from H although his concern for how OW would take his leaving her seemed to occupy his mind rather more than it should.

A period of time to reflect and H has decided he is required to look after his mental health - it’s somewhat bizarre that the perpetrator decides that he is the victim and must be protected at all costs. So I readily agreed to some non contact ( more for myself than him) it took less than 2 weeks for the next contact to be made.
Once again the me, me, me dialogue was started. There was also a completely useless email but hey, we have to show we are ‘reasonable’ even if all other behaviours are that of a small child.

Plenty of things afoot for me - busy calendar ahead.
What has been pleasing is the righteous anger of other woman in my age range who are now seeing this pattern play out in so many long term relationships. This is now taking the form of politely confronting OW and asking WTAF was she thinking??
Reputations are being bruised shall we say - and frankly they have both had a very polite and easy run of it up until now.
There is a lot of evidence that the relationship is strained but that was always predicted and very sad considering this little diversion has cost us a relationship of almost 40 years.

So no reconciliation, not even a whiff of ‘I am sorry’ and certainly no adult / reasonable discussions.

Looking forward to hearing from
@Goldcushions2
@MillyCentTap
@shamedbysiri
@Diarygirlqueen
@Acrossthepond55
@Fannyfiggs

I have noticed an awful lot of tarot card reading reels on FB - apparently he’s coming in with a communication and a desire to reconnect ( according to the spirits) Time will tell! Who says FB is not listening to us??

The biblical stuff reeks massively of either a psychotic break or the crushed ego of a narcissist. Desperado.

Try her with Proverbs 31, verse 10.

King James Version

10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

@Fraaahnces thats an interesting take and one I will ponder
OW has been influencing and in some cases writing the email communication etc and the biblical reference clearly came from her. H has a limited biblical knowledge and it’s not a phrase he would each for
But I do tho m there is I creasing desperation in his communication with people from out past. Current friends have deserted him and so he reaches back to the past for friendship - desperately looking for someone to support his position. He has to tell them she is lovely and he is happy where he is - but these people are not convinced
Whatever it is - it’s sad and if his own making
I have been thinking about narcissism when I think of either of them - very ego centric

If you pick Bible texts judiciously, and don't give context, you can say almost anything.
I'm not suggesting you sink to playing "tit for tat" but.....
"Then he went out and hanged himself"
"Go thou and do likewise"

The best revenge is to smile at them and be happy

Be careful who you share your struggles with and that they are not being carried back to him

What would be absolutely amazing would be to hire a younger, fitter, handsome escort and arrive at the same place as them 😂😂😂 flirting and giggling etc

@Quitelikeit - I quite like your idea!

@goody2shooz and @Quitelikeit I don’t think there’s a woman alive who doesn’t quite like that idea. 😂👏🏻👏🏻

I was reading up today on ‘walk away husband syndrome’ - can’t help think that the message is that unless you can mind read or constantly ensure your Hs needs are attended to they will just up and walk.

I am still reflecting on how he could just check out if a long term marriage and walk away - leaving everything behind. He’s not really in contact with DC - it’s surreal

It's so weird isn't it? It took me a good few years to get past the fact my husband stood there while I did up our toddlers shoes at 8 in the morning and said "family life isn't for me, I need a new life, you should have had an abortion". The truth is because I was an "elderly mother", I did want a termination and got as far as the hospital until husband started crying and saying that having a baby was all he wanted and if I went through with it he'd be forced to leave. So I didn't go through with it. Took a lot of counselling to deal with that one. I have no regrets with regards to my boy but still....

Bloody hell what an absolute shit

I know it was a long hard road for you, but bloody hell did you get the better deal at the end of it all!

Struggling to think of any religion that condones adultery ... or of any biblical quotes that could be twisted to justify what he's doing.

I think you'll find it's 3, for he hath coveted a budgie which Is an abomination in our sight.

And she coveted her neighbour's ass (hole of a hubby)

@Gingerloaf

1. Budgie is getting too much airtime. You need more focus on yourself. Train yourself to think about you in some context every time you think about Budgie.

2. I am convinced your dh did not think that he would be in this position, and he probably still can't credit it. He did not choose this.

More than likely he thought you would have cried, nay, begged, and he would have generously forgiven you. Poor Budgie. He would have let her down, with a heavy heart mind, after all, she was in love with him. But duty would have led him to make the right kind of sacrifice, back home to you with an upper hand. He was the KING of his own story.

Until, he realized that he never actually really knew his wife...

Since then, he is more than likely still reeling.

Good! 😁

He absolutely didn’t think he would fall over and land naked on top of a naked budgie. That just happened all by itself, totally without any planning or manipulation or situations to take advantage of, like perhaps, OP being away working to pay for his lifestyle and the hobby he used as a cover for “accidentally” bonking the budgie. Codswallop. That shit takes two.

He didn’t think he’d be caught.

OP are you going to get back with your husband if he asks you?

Good riddance

Is that you @Gingerloaf husband?
If so, NO SHE WONT.

Go and stick with your old gal.

Yes, yes and yes again. You have absolutely nailed it!!

Until, he realized that he never actually really knew his wife... for she was strong and took no shit!

I hope you and your beautiful boy are having the best life without that shitstain of a 'man'

It is insane isn’t it!

I don’t think he was unhappy or you failed to meet his needs

He somehow had his head turned and in order to justify things in his own mind he rewrites the history of your marriage

And yes many men simply just detach from their kids too - if you look back was he ever actually attuned to them the way you were?

Im sure on some level he might be having some turmoil but you never really can know for certain.

When these things happen it is like an earthquake in your life, the ramifications are felt everywhere and to those all around you in your orbit

Just remember you didn’t deserve it and I do wonder how that woman with all her wisdom can justify doing what she has done? Ripped a family apart - granted your kids are older but still that earthquake effect affects them too.

Does she have kids?

It’s only been a few months and you are going to need a good year or so process it all. Your key attachment figure has been ripped from your life. It hurts emotionally even physically for a while. I don’t think there’s things you can do to speed up the process but there’s ways you can delay the healing process and I hate to say it but if you remain bitter - that will only be to your detriment rather than theirs.

Ive known a few women who simply couldn’t move on from what they had done to them - these women just carried the pain round and you’d think it had happened to them a few months ago not years and years ago.

But in doing so they remained mentally stuck and they were so so bitter

@Fannyfiggs Oxygen is wasted on that poor excuse for skin. You and your kid are better off without that spineless, moral void of a consumer.

Fucking hell @TheFormidableMrsC that is some narcissistic behaviour, what an out and out piece of shit. Does he ever see his child?

From what @Gingerloaf said at the start of all this, Budgiefucker actually came out with the line "I think you'll like her if you give her a chance" or something similar during the conversation when her life got upended.

Budgiefucker thought he'd have both Gingerloaf and Budgie.

Ego the size of the fucking Eiffel Tower, while being financially supported by both.

How can they not talk or communicate when they can see their wife is going through utter torment grief and hell, but rather find a younger whip to talk to and start an emotional/online pics and all affair. Life has been surreal for the last 18 months, hopefully it will get better for us both ..in a year or so!