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Original poster

He dropped a bombshell

183 replies

lancsy · 21/06/2024 19:51

Hi ladies, I’m sure this topic has come up a lot but here goes. Been with husband 2 years and we have a 7 month old. Got married recently and the day after husband confessed to me to using prostitutes in the past (5 times). First 3 times when he was in his mid 20s at a strip club in Eastern Europe, a brothel in the UK and he hired an escort to his house. Second 2 he was in his mid 30s in Amsterdam and Aus when it’s legal. He’s mid 40s now. He says he feels shame about it but the conversations around trafficking weren’t there 20 years ago. I’ve no reason to believe there are any more and he’s not using them now. His Instagram is however filled with young semi naked girls 🤦‍♀️ Thoughts? I don’t want to break our family up over this but I’m really struggling!

OP posts:
PiffleWiffleWoozle · 21/06/2024 19:55

The ongoing Instagram would worry me.

Also why did he decide to share now? Is someone threatening to tell?

Original poster
lancsy · 21/06/2024 19:57

I was looking on Skyscanner for city break holidays and mentioned Amsterdam- he went white! I knew something was up and he said he didn’t want to lie to me

OP posts:
Lms68105 · 21/06/2024 20:03

Why exactly are you struggling? It happened before you came along - so it has nothing to do with you.

MateysMusing · 21/06/2024 20:04

Well trafficking is beside the point really as that's not going to be at the forefront of anyones mind when all he wants to do is get a release. Only you know if you can live with it or not!

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/06/2024 20:08

Got married recently and the day after husband confessed

Divorce in my books. That timing is repulsive.

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/06/2024 20:08

Lms68105 · 21/06/2024 20:03

Why exactly are you struggling? It happened before you came along - so it has nothing to do with you.

So if he was convicted of sexual assault, in the past, it's totes cool by you?

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/06/2024 20:09

And conversations about trafficking were happening 20 years ago.

MateysMusing · 21/06/2024 20:12

Lms68105 · 21/06/2024 20:03

Why exactly are you struggling? It happened before you came along - so it has nothing to do with you.

Bit of a simplistic view. Some people care about their current partners body count, some dont. This is skewed by using prostitutes. Makes you wonder what he did say about is past. Was it relationships or largely single?

pikkumyy77 · 21/06/2024 20:13

I think only you can know what to do. Do you think you can trust him not to repeat the behavior? I don’t, given the continued focus on other women’s bodies. It is just a short step down a familiar street to hiring another prostitute when the urge strikes.

Original poster
lancsy · 21/06/2024 20:14

He was single on all occasions. The first he says was because he had his heart broken by a girl 🤷‍♀️ He was the only one out of his lads group to use one in both Bulgaria and Amsterdam which I can’t get my head around. So no peer pressure

OP posts:
incessantpunditry · 21/06/2024 20:18

Never mind the past, it is his instagram you should be worried about. Ugh.

Lms68105 · 21/06/2024 20:20

MateysMusing · 21/06/2024 20:12

Bit of a simplistic view. Some people care about their current partners body count, some dont. This is skewed by using prostitutes. Makes you wonder what he did say about is past. Was it relationships or largely single?

Show quote history

Seriously? What would you say if a man dumped his girl because he wasn't happy about her body count?

MateysMusing · 21/06/2024 20:21

lancsy · 21/06/2024 20:14

He was single on all occasions. The first he says was because he had his heart broken by a girl 🤷‍♀️ He was the only one out of his lads group to use one in both Bulgaria and Amsterdam which I can’t get my head around. So no peer pressure

Edited

Some startling honesty then as the obvious answer is we were drunk and all doing it. I dont think the risk of him doing it again is the issue here as that was a lifetime ago, its more the fact that he's done it, several times. You must know what sort of guy he is though - has he had many long term relationships in the past or was it largely single, putting it about and filling in the droughts with working girls. I dont mean post the answer here btw, it more just does this behaviour match the type of bloke you thought he was.

Lms68105 · 21/06/2024 20:21

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/06/2024 20:08

So if he was convicted of sexual assault, in the past, it's totes cool by you?

Show quote history

Except he hasn't done any of that. Having sex with prostitutes isn't that different to have ONS - hardly a crime of century

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/06/2024 20:22

He was the only one out of his lads group to use one in both Bulgaria and Amsterdam

Yeah, no. No hope for him at all.

MateysMusing · 21/06/2024 20:23

Lms68105 · 21/06/2024 20:20

Seriously? What would you say if a man dumped his girl because he wasn't happy about her body count?

Show quote history

Perfectly reasonable! Many guys dont want girls who have slept with the whole rugby team whilst at uni. If it bothers you its the sort of question you need to raise early doors.

Original poster
lancsy · 21/06/2024 20:23

It wasn’t obvious on his Instagram but I asked to see his phone and that’s what came up when I hit search. I was upset but I understand guys are visual. He apologised and has deleted his account

OP posts:
Original poster
lancsy · 21/06/2024 20:25

He says he’s spent a lot of time single. It’s absolutely floored me because he is genuinely a very nice guy.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 21/06/2024 20:25

Having sex with prostitutes isn't that different to have ONS

It is. ONS are no issue to me at all. Everyone is consenting fully and enthusiastically, everyone is getting something sexually, everyone is free to say yes or no at all times.

Having sex with prostitutes means there is a very high chance you are having sex with someone who isn't consenting at all in any way. Even if you remove coercion, pimping, trafficking, abusive boyfriend, you get to addiction, abusive childhood, poverty and desperation. If you manage to get past all that, you have a man having sex with someone, multiple times, when he knows that she wouldn't be having sex with him if you wasn't paid. It is completely different.

I don't give a shit that DH had a past. I care that he understands and wants enthusiastic consent.

Springwatch123 · 21/06/2024 20:25

I agree his instragram is more worrying than his past.

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/06/2024 20:26

lancsy · 21/06/2024 20:25

He says he’s spent a lot of time single. It’s absolutely floored me because he is genuinely a very nice guy.

A nice guy who got a ring on your finger and then told you the next day? None so blind...

pikkumyy77 · 21/06/2024 20:27

Ugh for all the posters excusing the use of prostitutes as no big deal. Just ugh.

CountFucula · 21/06/2024 20:28

“guys are visual”
girl, you got some unlearning to do.

the instagram thing is gross, sleeping with vulnerable and trafficked girls is gross. How could he? Actually? Knowing they were being paid? I would judge that so so hard and honestly, if he is still looking at half naked girls then he is a pig and won’t change. I’m sorry for you - would he talk properly about women to you? Is your DC a girl?

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/06/2024 20:28

pikkumyy77 · 21/06/2024 20:27

Ugh for all the posters excusing the use of prostitutes as no big deal. Just ugh.

There isn't enough yuk in the world.

I know this place is lousy with MRAs and handmaidens but the lack of understanding that consent is actually important and women aren't just receptacles to be bought and sold is stunning to me.