He dropped a bombshell

[lancsy]

Hi ladies, I’m sure this topic has come up a lot but here goes. Been with husband 2 years and we have a 7 month old. Got married recently and the day after husband confessed to me to using prostitutes in the past (5 times). First 3 times when he was in his mid 20s at a strip club in Eastern Europe, a brothel in the UK and he hired an escort to his house. Second 2 he was in his mid 30s in Amsterdam and Aus when it’s legal. He’s mid 40s now. He says he feels shame about it but the conversations around trafficking weren’t there 20 years ago. I’ve no reason to believe there are any more and he’s not using them now. His Instagram is however filled with young semi naked girls 🤦‍♀️ Thoughts? I don’t want to break our family up over this but I’m really struggling!

We aren’t all trafficked or drug addicts

No, but men never check. So the chances are he'd be happy if one of the women was trafficked.

There's nothing you can do about his past. He's deleted IG so that problem is sorted. You're probably best off just writing it off and seeing how he is going forwards.

I actually think sleeping with prostitutes is akin to rape. Sleeping with a woman because you want to… whether they want to or not or… you have to pay them to. Sex without consent is rape and if you have to buy that consent then how is that actual consent??
Edited to add: Appreciate your personal view here. I just can’t get my head around it not being abuse.

Seems a very strange reaction to you mentioning a city where he used prostitutes a decade ago.

It was the stag do I pressed him on and he looked more awkward as the conversation went on

Hang about, he went to Amsterdam again recently for the stag do?

So he has cheated on you with a/multiple prostitutes on his stag?

You cannot seriously stay with him after this revelation.

The trust is broken. He's deceitful, untrustworthy, disgusting. Not nice in the slightest. Get rid. There's no shame with divorcing. So don't let that put you off leaving him.

Noooo that was the same occasion, 10 years ago

No he’s not cheated, the stag do was 10 years ago

He was married before? Im struggling to keep up!

I think it’s my scrambled brain sorry! It was someone else’s stag do he was on. In Amsterdam, 10 years ago before we met

Because he never told her before marriage and for some women, that could have been a deal breaker. It also shows op exactly what kind of man she is now stuck with.

There are many countries where paying for sex is a crime and is recognised as violence against women. So very, very different to a consensual one night stand

I found the bloke

It is highly likely these women are victims of trafficking or sexual control / coercion, very different from a one night stand. You need a much better understanding of the sex industry and how women are victims of it. Your ignorance is astonishing.

He’s not a nice guy at all.

He thinks women can be bought for sex.

He also chose to tell you AFTER you were married because he thought you couldn’t do anything then and would have to be ok with it.

He also trying to minimise it by saying conversations about trafficking were not happening back then. 10 and 20 years ago? 2004 and 2014? Yes they bloody well were.

He is now mid 40s and his Instagram is filled with young semi naked girls.

He’s showing you who he is and how he views women. In your position, I’d end the marriage. It sounds like you were pregnant very soon after getting into a relationship with him and didn’t know him well. That doesn’t mean you have to waste your life on such a shit man now that you know how repulsive he is.

Ah that makes sense. Id ignore all the trafficking stuff, its not like hes made a conscious effort to support trafficking. Its more a case of the giving into temptation when he felt the need.

’Giving into temptation’? Your language blames the women. How about ‘Man abuses women by using the sex industry’.

The poster revealed themselves to have an issue with people being gay on a thread the other day, but is absolutely fine with men sleeping with prostitutes. The mind boggles.

What are you talking about?

Actually language like this just perpetuates the women are objects narrative. A lot of us don’t want to be portrayed as victims because we’re not. Yes, some abuse can occur during sex work but not all sex work is abuse.
It seems like you’re against sex work in general though, which is a fair opinion to have, but maybe just stay away from it then? Assuming you’re not a sex worker, maybe don’t decide for us what language should be used to describe us.

This isnt really a debate on the ins and outs of the sex industry is it. I cant think many if any blokes sit and have a reasoned debate with themselves about the potential plight of the woman in question.

There is nothing wrong with sex with opposite gender whatsoever (consensual)

‘Bought consent’ isn’t consent.

Strange set of morals you have.

He's proven himself to be selfish, greedy and entitled in using prostitutes. Also devious and underhand in not telling you before you got married. I'm interested in how you feel pregnant so early in your relationship too. Did he coerce you into having unprotected sex maybe?