I've found out that he's

[Champagneandpringles24]

When I started seeing my partner I knew he was ex-forces and when he was serving he was based in Germany age 21.

We've been together just over a year. It came out in a conversation last that he used to use prostitutes regularly in Germany and said it was his age and "everyone did it"

He's not sure exactly how many but was stationed there for 5 years so I'd imagine the number was high.

Now in our 30's so it was a long time ago but this has just really put me off him.

Would this put you off someone?

Yes, that would be curtains for me.

100% I could never be with someone who’s been with prostitues. It’s abhorrent

No.
It is what it is.
My experience of anyone in the armed forces is that they aren't angels.

@piglet81 this is kind of how I feel but then I think, it was way before we were together and it's not really any of my business what he was doing 10 years ago. It's just really turned me off him , I don't even want to look at him again.

Yes, totally. Men use prostitutes but i would be very wary walking into a relationship with someone knowing they used them for 5 years regularly.

Everyone has different morals and priorities.
I don't think it has to put you off, but you're allowed to feel that you don't want to be with someone who thinks being with prostitutes is okay.
But do you know what it is exactly that you don't agree with?
Are you against prostitution in general?
Is it the sexual act without love or emotion that you disapprove of?
Is it that you assume he has had a lot of sexual partners, including prostitutes?

@SheddingCat we've been together over a year and I only found out last night so it's not like I've only just met him. We've planned a future together and are supposed to be moving in together next year. Now I'm not sure if I want to.

I’d want him to get a sexual health test but otherwise wouldn’t think too much about it. It was 10 years ago.

I always think sex workers are a bit like therapists - lots of people use them but hardly anyone talks about it. At least he’s being honest with you.

If he's a great partner to you and was 10 years ago, what does it matter? As long as they were two consenting adults and he treated her decently what is the problem? It's hardly different then going to a bar and taking a random woman home each time?

@Girlmom35 I'm honestly not sure why I feel the way I do about it. I'm trying to work that out. I suppose I'm shocked because I just wasn't expecting to hear that.

The issue will always be there in the back of your mind and you could grow more resentful the longer you stay together - and he will of you bringing up something that happened before you met, he hasn’t had a an affair. You should probably part ways unless you can see yourself completely accepting this and moving on.

I thought I knew him but now I don't feel like I do

Yes it would put me off. I’d end the relationship. It shows how he views women. 🚩

Many prostitutes are trafficked and under the control of very violent men. I could not respect a man who could overlook that.

Because he thinks women can be bought?

🤢

It would be the end for me.

I think that you need to give this some thought and time, speak to him more, ask how he feels about it now, in that environment would he do it now, you need to talk it through.

Deal breaker for me.

And to compare it to therapy is bonkers @StormingNorman

It would be the end. No question.

He’s shown you he thinks women can be objectified and bought. He’s not a good person.

I think I'd let it go as it was so long ago.
But what made him tell you? Could he be getting cold feet about moving in?
He could be trying to put you off him.
Has he been acting different in any way?

Personally I would be ok with this.

He was 21
He was in a foreign country in a very restrictive environment (army)
He would not have been able to meet girls easily the usual way due to being in a foreign country and having restictions on time etc.
He was at the age where he was probably at his most horniest.
Peer pressure (not ideal but happens)

alongside that, prostitution in Germany is more accepted, legal and as such better controlled: it’s not ideal but for me it was 10 years ago, I’d be judging him on who he is now and how he treats you.

It sounds like you have already made your mind up. It doesn't matter how others would have reaxted to it. It has rocked the view you have if him enough to write a post on a mums forum. I'd say, move on.

Wouldn't be a deal breaker for me.
It was 10 years ago
He was young
He was under peer pressure and wouldn't have had the maturity to think about saying no
People can mature and change their views
Have you spoken to him, like really spoken to him, about how you feel about it? Does he make an effort to see your perspective?

Paying for sex is extremely common. I would bet many of the posters on here condemning him have husbands/fathers/sons who have done so.

I couldn't be with someone who thinks consent can be purchased. Also it wasn't a very long time ago it was ten years ago. When you wrote that I assumed you were an older couple and it was 40/50 years ago when views and even laws around consent were very different.
To get into bed with someone who has repeatedly sexually exploited women and still thinks it's on because 'everyone did it' would physically turn my stomach, he thinks women are a commodity for his use and disposal.

It's not an easy one because it was a long time ago and he was very young in a completely different environment, but I can understand why you would see him as flawed.

Can you ask him what his view is about it now?
Does he regret it? What about health checks? Did he have a girlfriend back home? What made him stop? When was the last time etc?

I do think you need to dig deeper so that you can make a rationalised decision based on his views now.

Realistically, a lot of men and women, sleep with a LOT of people around that sort of age.