I'm sixty, I met 'A' also sixty at university, when we were both 19, he was a friend of my boyfriend's. There was instant chemistry between us and we 'fooled around' but I couldn't bring myself to leave my boyfriend. All out mutual friend knew about it. One friend recently sent me an old photo of the two of them having tug of war with me as the rope.
We remained good friends, and eventually both married other people. We live in different countries but I see him every couple of years. Our families often holidayed together, and our spouses tolerated our mild flirting.
He has always treated me with, love kindness, respect, thoughtfulness, loyalty and extreme generosity. I don't think we've ever had a cross word, yet I could never understand what he saw in me.
For example; my daughter was born prematurely just before his wedding so I couldn't attend. He sent me five massive bouquets of flowers, and it's only with hindsight that I realise that he must have ordered them for me on his wedding day or early in his honeymoon. (They arrived every day for five consecutive days.)
When I got divorced a few years ago he lent me a very substantial sum of money to buy a house. I offered to pay him interested on the loan but he wouldn't hear if it.
Since the divorce I've been in therapy and it's taken years to realise that growing up with a violent alcoholic father left me with very low self esteem which I masked with high achievement.
I've been diagnosed with PTSD, ADHD, depression and anxiety but am also very high functioning and have had a successful career from which I am now winding down.
'A' has been married for over thirty years, and is very proud of remaining faithful. But in the last couple of years he has confided in me that his marriage is in trouble and they are in counselling.
He also recently told me that for the entire four years we were at uni he never dated anyone and I was the only woman he kissed. I told him our first kiss was the best kiss of my life, he replied 'mine too'.
At a university reunion dinner a few months ago we passed the spot where we first kissed and he kissed me again. I would never have initiated it, but once it happened, the emotional floodgates opened.
In the weeks that followed, I told him that I love him. I think he loves me too but he says he is confused, and doesn't want to hurt anyone but he needs time.
So I backed off, but he keeps messaging asking how I am, always starting his messages with, 'my darling'. I asked what he wants but he doesn't seem to know.
A couple of people in our friendship circle have died recently and seeing the old crowd at funerals just makes me want to seize the day.
I don't want to ruin his marriage but I also don't want to miss out on the possibility of happiness with someone who I belatedly realise is the love of my life.
Should I back off, or go for it? WWYD?