Do my parents in law want to kidnap my baby? Need advice

[Saskia98]

For context, I’m a FTM to a 3 month old. My partner and I are both 25. I’m English and my partner and his parents are Romanian (they’ve lived in England for past 15 years). LO has partners surname and as we are not yet married I don’t have his surname at the moment. This means LO has same surname as my partner and his parents but not me. LO will be having a British passport but partner also wants him having a Romanian passport so it’s easier for when he wants to travel in EU. I don’t quite know the benefits of having 2 passports, so any information on this would be appreciated.

I’ve posted about my parents in law previously, (to put shortly, my mil has made continuous ‘jokes’ about taking LO to their country without me, she’s made ‘jokes’ that he’s her baby not mine, her and fil have told my partner to break up with me throughout our relationship, even when I was pregnant, and would say to me “you look after the baby when he’s in your stomach and we’ll look after him when he’s here”. His mum constantly kept taking over with LO, even saying she needs to do his bath or at least supervise me incase I get water in his ears. These are just a few issues I’ve had with them. It honestly felt like she only wanted me out of the picture and to be a surrogate for my own child so she can have him. This is never going to happen. I finally set boundaries around a month ago and we only see them once every week or 2 now. My partner sticks up for me for the most part on the situation but we’ve had many arguments in private as he doesn’t see what his mums done wrong and think I’m being unreasonable.

I need some advice on the following situation as I’m TERRIFIED that one day they’ll try to kidnap my son. My partner and I was round their house with LO and we were talking about passport pictures for baby. FIL asks how long it takes for LO’s passport to arrive (we haven’t applied for one yet). He then asked if nowadays it would be his own separate passport or an extension from the parents one. We said a separate passport and he asked what if one parent wanted to take LO away without the other parent. My MIL states how you need permission from the other parent to take them away. I don’t know how she would know this unless she’s researched into it and my FIL asking this is the first place out of the blue is concerning to me.

Is there any way my partners parents can take LO away without me or partner? Can they just pretend they’re his parents as they have his surname and are in early 40’s so could be young enough to pass as having a baby. Can they fake a permission letter? What documents are needed when taking a baby abroad and what checks are done? I need some reassurance or advice as I don’t know how to approach this.

Iv heard of someone taking a child to a different country but using another child’s passport as they were very young and looked similar, don’t ever leave your child with them and get your surname on the baby’s birth certificate.

Agree that you need to gather DS's birth certificate and give it to your parents to keep safe.

I'd also consider ordering DS a passport, without DP knowing, if you'd rather (you only need one parent's birth certificate to order) and then keep it at your parent's house so it's out of bounds. Once done, DH cannot order another.

I would also seriously consider a surname change for DS to yours, until you are married (if you do intend to do so). DP won't like it but while his parents are making 'jokes' about taking DS away to Romania it's kind of necessary in terms of protecting him!

My partner sticks up for me for the most part on the situation but we’ve had many arguments in private as he doesn’t see what his mums done wrong and think I’m being unreasonable

The first and second bits of that don't really hang together for me, since if he's really "sticking up for you" why would he then accuse you of being unreasonable?

Anyway it may be the his mother's "research" is actually knowledge based on taking her own son back and forth, but your gut instinct's there for a reason and if you're really concerned about abduction there's been plenty of good advice already

Csn you change your babys name? Im sure you still can in the first year

Address the point around surname immediately and zero unsupervised accessfor grandparents.

I think the problems may be if the relationship breaks down. 25 is quite young still, and your DP has somewhere to go in another country with willing parents who probably would not send him immediately back to the UK in disgust. I would put your name on the birth certificate and double barrelling your own name too if/ when you marry. Then at least you have a chance of someone spotting different names on documents. If your DP kicks off, say its justvfor your own peace of mind, and once your name is on there you can forget about it thendont forget about it

Why is OP the one who needs to learn about their “typical family dynamics”? They are the ones repeatedly making silly jokes to a new mum and causing her stress.
How about they learn “about differences in expectations/ behaviours”?
They sound overbearing, and if they were British I very much doubt anyone would be telling OP to just put up with it.

OP what does your DH say about all this?
It sounds unhinged. Not that I doubt you are worried or that they say these things to you, but I’d be bloody going no contact if they keep it up.

If you don’t need a passport, I wouldn’t get one or if you do- leave with a friend or your parents.

As a dual citizen, as that child is, you NEED both passports to travel.

Agree that you need to gather DS's birth certificate and give it to your parents to keep safe.

Thats pointless.
Anyone can get a copy of a birth certificate. You just need to know where the child was born as well as the date of birth. Which they will know.

Wow. You just wear your xenophobia right out there in the open.

The benefits of having multiple nationalities (and passports) are huge, particularly when your child is older. It offers them so many more opportunities than just a British passport.

To take a child abroad, you just need their passport (if both parents are travelling with them). If one parent is travelling with the child, you need to take the child's passport, birth certificate, your marriage/divorce certificate (if you have a different surname to your child) and a letter of permission from the other parent.

As others have said, should they try it, your PIL might be able to get away with pretending your child is theirs; but would your child travel happily alone with them? If border guards suspect something is not quite right, they will hold them all while they gather more information. And how would they obtain your child's passport? Your partner would have to collude with them, and if you suspect him of that, you've really got a major problem to deal with right now.

If it's a genuine, realistic possibility that your child might be kidnapped, I'd speak to the police or a solicitor about what to do. In some countries there is a court order you can apply for that will prevent anyone else applying for a passport for your child or taking them out of the country, but I don't know whether the UK has something similar.

You are fucking ignorant.

You don't need all your passports to travel. You just choose which one/two is most convenient (eg. exit UK on British passport and enter the EU with your other passport) and use that/those.

You said that before.

I don't think they mean to be funny at all.

I haven't read the whole thread, but thought I should add my recent experience here.
I've just taken my adopted child (just turned 2) who isn't actually officially adopted as I haven't filled in the paperwork so still a ward of LA, out of the country.
This was with the written permission of the LA and they applied for the child's passport as I am not the official parent of the child (yet) but the child has lived with me for 6 months.

A) child's surname doesn't match mine (not even culturally/racially similar if that makes any difference)
B) we are not the same race, and have the same skin tone/colouring etc. I was travelling alone with child so we could 'pass' as parent and child I suppose, as you could assume child gets colouring from 'other parent' just saying that we could potentially stick out as not 'belonging together'.

Left UK with child on a long haul flight with absolutely no issues, just treated the same as any other 'family'.
I had a letter from LA giving me permission, but wasn't asked for and the airport wouldn't have a clue about the child's circumstances.

So it's bloody easy I'd say to take a child out of the UK if you have their passport.

Just to add, I'm a single adopter - so not 'Dad'. Didn't need to show that status either, so I'm calling BS on all this - show the birth certificate/divorce certificate/letter from other parent too.

From what I see you did one mistake that LO has your partners surname, not yours but what's done is done. Having EU passport is beneficial however after reading about your MIL and FIL I strongly recommend not to make Romanian passport. You can tell your partner that you're affraid or that baby doesn't need to go there yet. I guess I'd keep this ruse forever if anyone "joked" to me like your in laws. I think your partner needs your sign to apply for baby's passport, you simply don't sign and that's it. From experience I can tell you that if surname on passport is same if child is travelling with someone with same surname often they pass without problems so beware. You're not irrational and better safe than sorry.

Saskia98
you need to have all your ducks in a row just incase the worst happens.
These people are unhinged. If possible try and find out where their house is in Romania. Have their full names: and last but not least, have photos of them

Sakia98
Forgot to say: if there’s a possibility that they drive to Romania, get the car Registration.

You need his permission to do this, he has PR

If you can change baby surname back to yours, do it. In my opinion too much is at stake. You're new mum, you need peace of mind. This doesn't hurt your partner in any way. You have the right to sleep peacefully without being scared of your in laws.

They only go by car as they have dogs they take with them. This is why I’m more concerned as when we’ve driven there previously they don’t tend to check in the car.

If I remember correctly, I’m sure I was told at the registry office I’m unable to change his surname once registering it with dad’s surname as we aren’t married. Not sure how correct this is though