Do my parents in law want to kidnap my baby? Need advice

[Saskia98]

For context, I’m a FTM to a 3 month old. My partner and I are both 25. I’m English and my partner and his parents are Romanian (they’ve lived in England for past 15 years). LO has partners surname and as we are not yet married I don’t have his surname at the moment. This means LO has same surname as my partner and his parents but not me. LO will be having a British passport but partner also wants him having a Romanian passport so it’s easier for when he wants to travel in EU. I don’t quite know the benefits of having 2 passports, so any information on this would be appreciated.

I’ve posted about my parents in law previously, (to put shortly, my mil has made continuous ‘jokes’ about taking LO to their country without me, she’s made ‘jokes’ that he’s her baby not mine, her and fil have told my partner to break up with me throughout our relationship, even when I was pregnant, and would say to me “you look after the baby when he’s in your stomach and we’ll look after him when he’s here”. His mum constantly kept taking over with LO, even saying she needs to do his bath or at least supervise me incase I get water in his ears. These are just a few issues I’ve had with them. It honestly felt like she only wanted me out of the picture and to be a surrogate for my own child so she can have him. This is never going to happen. I finally set boundaries around a month ago and we only see them once every week or 2 now. My partner sticks up for me for the most part on the situation but we’ve had many arguments in private as he doesn’t see what his mums done wrong and think I’m being unreasonable.

I need some advice on the following situation as I’m TERRIFIED that one day they’ll try to kidnap my son. My partner and I was round their house with LO and we were talking about passport pictures for baby. FIL asks how long it takes for LO’s passport to arrive (we haven’t applied for one yet). He then asked if nowadays it would be his own separate passport or an extension from the parents one. We said a separate passport and he asked what if one parent wanted to take LO away without the other parent. My MIL states how you need permission from the other parent to take them away. I don’t know how she would know this unless she’s researched into it and my FIL asking this is the first place out of the blue is concerning to me.

Is there any way my partners parents can take LO away without me or partner? Can they just pretend they’re his parents as they have his surname and are in early 40’s so could be young enough to pass as having a baby. Can they fake a permission letter? What documents are needed when taking a baby abroad and what checks are done? I need some reassurance or advice as I don’t know how to approach this.

A port alert order can be used if you think your child is likely to be taken abroad within 48 hours without your permission. This will notify the National Border Targeting Centre to alert all points of departure from the UK, such as ports and airports. A port alert order can be issued by the Court or, when the child is under the age of 16, by the police.
https://www.ibblaw.co.uk/insights/steps-to-prevent-your-child-being-taken-out-of-the-country-port-alert-orders#:~:text=A%20port%20alert%20order%20can,such%20as%20ports%20and%20airports.

I’m not sure if something can be put on permanently though but there is also info on the link about another passport not being issued.

The baby doesn't have to have a passport at all unless you are planning on taking him abroad. I just wouldn't get a passport if its worrying you this much. He also doesn't have to have your partners name. Their behaviour sounds very odd. Are they just OTT? Have you shared your concerns with your partner? How long have you been together?

They probably could pretend to be his parents. But do you think they really want to take him or could it just be a very strange joke?
You can't just apply for a passport unless you're a citizen of that country. Does your baby have Roumanian citizenship? Do your inlaws have British citizenship?

Why does baby need a passport? No they can't take your baby without your consent. You would report it to the police & as pp said they could be stopped transit. It looks like you should be really clear about your boundaries so that they can't pretend you consented to taking him on holiday or whatever. Its certainly beneficial to have 2 passports but all the while you have only a Brit pp and your child would only travel if you were also travelling then there is no benefit to the child having a different pp to you. I wod hold off on getting the Romanian pp.

Having a Romanian one won't make it easier. Why would it?

Because the baby has the same surname as the father and the grandparents, and they would all have the same nationality. They could easily take him out of the country without the OP knowing anything about it.

I personally agree with others, if this is a genuine concern you are having I wouldn't be getting lo a passport.

If you are that concerned then I think you need a firmer boundary than once a week.

Is your hv any good? I'd be tempted to have a very open chat with her about how you're feeling and see if she can help back you up with your partner. It's important that he sees how much his parents are over stepping and that HE steps up and puts them in their place. Telling you that you need her to supervise you bathing your own child would have been the last time my mil was in my house. I think it might be good to sit down with your partner when you're both calm and lo is asleep and be really honest with him about how they are affecting your mental health and how you feel as a parent. 3 months pp is nothing really, I still felt very vulnerable and hormonal and doubted myself a lot at that stage so you really don't need anyone who regularly undermines you around so much.

The question here op is whether or not you think your partner would support his parents in doing this? If you think he would then that's another thing altogether.

Having 2 passports is indeed beneficial. He will then be able to travel to/from EU as EU national, without the horrid queue and biometric checks, and enjoy free college/university in select EU countries like Denmark, Germany.

I don't think you get their sense of humour.

Unless you are planning on holidaying any time soon I would hold off on getting a passport. I to think their behaviour is deffo off and would be wary of them being alone with baby at all, can you speak with your health visitor?

This is true, but op it would also mean that if something awful happened you'd potentially be traveling separately from your baby which I personally would not want. So I'd only do it if you're happy for baby to travel alone with dad without you or if you can all have the same passports

You need to do some serious reading up on all this. On proper websites like.gov.

Like @DrWackadoodle says you can put a 'stop' on additional UK passports being issued.

I'd try and move further away from them if they are so interfering. Don't let them do childcare etc.

Do they babysit ? Sounds like you are right to be cautious

My ex in laws actually stole my child.

Similarly I wasn’t married to ex but I’m the foreign one, they’re all British.
Their daughter is in her forties and infertile so I guess they wanted her to play mum. Talked my ex into breaking up with me. One day he took my son and refused to give him back.

I was quite broke and didn’t know how to fight it, it took a while to get him back and I was left with pretty much nothing, I was a SAHM up until then. So if you’re in any doubt, protect your kid. By any means necessary. I have severe PTSD from my ordeal.

I would get the passport so another one can't be applied for and say nothing about it.

It's very unlikely they mean to kidnap him. You sound scared of them. The Hague Convention means that the law is on your side.

I'd change the child's last name for your peace of mind.

He's already born to an EU citizen, so could apply for a passport when he's older.

They never have dc alone. Ever.

I don't think you get their sense of humour.

I'd get a passport for him immediately, and don't tell them. Hide it.

I'd also never let the child or passport go anywhere without me.

Either don't get a passport at all and keep his birth cert safe too, or get thr passports but keep them on you/somewhere only you can access I'd you're this concerned. And don't leave baby with them unsupervised at all I guess.

Hard to know if the danger of them actually taking baby is real but if youre this worried I would take steps for peace of mind

Yes this is what I was thinking. If he's minimising this you need to change baby's surname to yours.
@Ihatepineappleonpizza how awful for you.

Speak to a lawyer about a prohibited steps order. I suggest you do get the passport so you know where it is and they can’t get one behind your back.

Agree with above, get your last night added to your baby’s name too.

Having two passports is indeed very beneficial, especially now that the U.K. has left the EU. It will allow your dc to travel much more easily, work in Europe if the want to, travel for work etc etc

A child cannot leave without an authorisation of his parents.
As a baby they MIGHT be able to get away saying it’s their baby but travelling with my own dcs, they’ve been asked who I was many times at the border (we have the same surname)

Having said that, they might have wondered if baby could go away with them in hols rather than abducting him iyswim.
My parents are not British either and my dcs have travelled with them many times.

However, you do NOT have to agree to it!
And even if you were getting divorced, your DP would need your permission to take baby out of the country.