What makes people attractive and others not?

[Beanscene]

Am talking about average looking people here not stunning models. I always hear women complaining about unwanted attention sexually and people who have affairs and have to choose between affair partners and OH. People who have admirers at work etc etc....it seems like your average person gets a lot of sexual attention etc etc. Just to be clear here am not looking as am married (and now old🤣)....but have literally never ever had any attention in my life especially the kind of attention other women talk about. No one has ever given me their number, asked me out, complimented me....wolf whistled etc etc.....i know this is unwanted attention. but I hear about it so often I wonder why I've never received it. I would say am short, thin, not curvy (which prob has a lot to do with it) but facially am not Quasimodo. And have never ever apart from DH had a whiff of attention.

The majority of people imo can be anything from plain to attractive dependent on their presentation. There are some characteristics of appearance that will usually be considered attractive by a lot of people. For women, nice hair in an attractive colour, pleasing body shape, not necessarily very slim, but proportioned snd healthy looking, clothes that show a nice body shape off, and a cheerful pleasant approachable manner. An average woman can go from invisible to 'attractive' simply by having these things, and conversely be considered plain due to not having them, even though their face will be unchanged.

Can't say it's ever something I've thought about, my hubby and kids adore me and that's all I need 😊

Confidence. Honestly, confident people will have others falling at their feet

A nice smile.

Confidence, self-belief, wit, good nature, being comfortable in her own skin - these are all ways people are very attractive.

I can't speak for men and what they find attractive in women. But from a female perspective, I've found very average or even below average looking men attractive....key things for me are confidence...good sense of humour and someone who is open and chatty. Conversely I've known very good looking men who are shy or quiet or dull and really found them unattractive.

I just find it strange that I don't attract anyone.... literally anyone at all 🤣 and never ever have. It never used to bother me until recently when I turned a certain age and realised that I will never experience this ...I have issues with my body like most people probably do. But hearing stories about all these people who get attention etc....seems otherworldly to me.....as I can't imagine anyone finding me attractive.

I've only ever been with DH.....no partners before him

You're married so clearly your husband is attracted to you.

You could be unaware that people find you attractive or are looking at you. Some people are oblivious to these things.

Agree with PPs - it's all about 'signals'. Things like swishy hair, makeup, flattering clothing and a confident strut (better words are available!) do attract attention. A lively smile and approachable manner are encouraging.

It's got little to do with conventional ideas of beauty. Extremely beautiful women - flawless, perfectly proportioned, completely symmetrical - can seem intimidating and the attention they attract is often hostile. Many compensate by being extra smiley and approachable. That works, but the point is almost anyone can do it.

I have big boobs. I attracted A LOT of unwanted attention in my younger days - some (a lot) of it would be considered sexual harassment today. The wolf whistling, groping, being followed, cat calling, entitlement, followed by insults when I refused to shag them isn’t something I’d wish on anyone. I could write a book about it but it would make me feel dirty.

@Beanscene But you are married and your husband obviously found you attractive and probably still does, so it it wasn't no one at all.

I find that someone classically good looking might attract someone in the beginning, but to really capture them you have to have something else about you. I think a warm, open personality and confidence is very attractive. Someone you can have a laugh with and who you can have a deep conversation with. Looks are important to an extent far, but imo you need more than that to keep that spark.

I can't imagine anyone finding me attractive.

If the way you carry yourself reflects this belief, most will take you at your own evaluation.

For those of us who used to get a lot of attention, losing it as we age can feel strange at first - as if we've disappeared somehow - but it's also freeing. I wouldn't want it back!

I had no idea I was attractive when I was married to a man who had contempt for me. Then I met a man who thought I was gorgeous and then got lots of attention from men -to the extent that my bf (who really was gorgeous) got ridiculously jealous.
As others have said -it is confidence, but also awareness-I never would have noticed those men paying me attention if bf hadn’t 😂

Money is the only explanation for some cases

I’ve always attracted more attention when in a relationship. Weird that.

Self confidence
smiley open face
eye contact

but most of all I think a genuine interest in other people.

it’s difficult not to be attracted to people who are interested in you and what you have to say

I was with my sister, our family don't have great posture except for her she stands very straight and tall, looks straight ahead, she got comments from men - we are both in our 60s! so I think it's looking confident and outward.

What? Pls explain..

I find it remarkable that women like Wallace Simpson had so many admirers. She was apparently swarmed with them yet she was frankly, unattractive

Some people (even quite looking ones) just don't give out an available or flirty vibe... whereas some very plain looking people ooze sex appeal and charisma 🤷🏼‍♀️ Confidence, pheromones, call it what you will... it's rarely purely based on looks.

I've been married for a long time, sometimes I think DH finds me attractive but mostly not tbh. We get along ok...but it's not a sexy, romantic marriage and never has been. It must be lovely to have experienced being desired and wanted....things I've never experienced in my life. DH does not compliment me or show me affection ......am actually quite depressed now reading back what I've written.

Being happy and comfortable in their skin and purpose/hobbies

Being unhappy and uncomfortable in their skin and no purpose/hobbies

(mental health conditions notwithstanding)