What makes people attractive and others not?

[Beanscene]

Am talking about average looking people here not stunning models. I always hear women complaining about unwanted attention sexually and people who have affairs and have to choose between affair partners and OH. People who have admirers at work etc etc....it seems like your average person gets a lot of sexual attention etc etc. Just to be clear here am not looking as am married (and now old🤣)....but have literally never ever had any attention in my life especially the kind of attention other women talk about. No one has ever given me their number, asked me out, complimented me....wolf whistled etc etc.....i know this is unwanted attention. but I hear about it so often I wonder why I've never received it. I would say am short, thin, not curvy (which prob has a lot to do with it) but facially am not Quasimodo. And have never ever apart from DH had a whiff of attention.

I think it's more to do with sex appeal rather than standard good looks (albeit nice to have). That comes from confidence, taking care of oneself and feeling good in one's skin. It'll look a bit different for everyone who has it.

Boobs.

All the speeches are nice , but not really based in reality.

My first thought in response to your title was to talk about someone I used to know, a very (on the face of it) handsome man. He asked me out (this is decades ago) which was a shock (I was very average) - to me and I daresay to everyone around us. He turned out to be an utter arse, and I very quickly found him very unattractive. Conversely, I've know people who were very 'average' on paper who are actually very attractive. Because they are friendly, interesting, interested, confident in who they are, not pretending to be anyone else, and kind.

Physical looks contribute hugely to initial opinions of people, but then their character tweaks your opinion - up or down - and in the end, it's who they are that contributes most to whether they are 'attractive'. (Also noting that simple physical attraction is different for all of us, so it isn't a case of someome being objectively good looking to everyone around them, or objectively plain).

But your question is about more than that I think.

The fact you haven't had lots of attention doesn't mean you aren't attractive. It's possible that you are very obviously not interested / obviously coupled. It could be that you give off a vibe of not suffering idiots, so the chancers and cheaters don't approach you. It could be that people have come on to you, but you're oblivious to it. It doesn't mean you aren't attractive. Your DH clearly thinks you are!

Sad, but true lol.

As an invisible F cup, I disagree

I dunno about women, but I find tall, confident, strong, masculine men the most attractive. Broad shoulders and big arms especially.

Basically, a gym bro without the narcissism and selfie obsession. They’re rare, but when I come across one, I can’t take my eyes off them.

edit: in other words, a guy who can pick you up and throw you around 💜

There's a happy medium, and its name is DD.

lol
I thought you were being very boastful about your daughter for a minute 😂

IME men like women who make them feel comfortable. So someone who is friendly, approachable, confident, funny, and yes, has a pleasant face/body, but you don't need to be gorgeous (a lot of men find that intimidating).

😂

As would my flat chested but tiny waisted and wide hipped/big bum neice, who practically fights them off with sticks.

I thought that looks had nothing to do with attention? Which is it lol.

Why did you think that? It's rather a silly thing to think, isn't it, given its fairly obvious that some women have physical features that will attract attention? Posters on the thread have talked about the attention their breasts attract, as I pointed out to you earlier, and from my own first post on here I've spoken about the link between appearance and attention from men.
I think you have missed that there are two points being made. The first being that a woman's appearance attracts attention. The second being that ordinary looking women can attract attention. Can you perhaps see how these points can both be true, and don't contradict each other?

How don't they contradict each other!? If beauty is what attracts attention, which I agree about, then ordinary looking women aren't going to attract so much! It is you who is contradicting yourself, not I.

It's entirely about self confidence.

Every single woman I have ever fancied has believed they were a catch, or at least faked it well enough to hide their insecurities initially.

And it works for men too, I've had far more attention from women when I feel good about myself, regardless of how objectively attractive I am.

Right now I feel quite good about myself. Objectively I'm fat, I'm in my 40s, and look way worse than when I was a well toned, athletic 20 year old. But because I've got a new job recently that involves the office instead of working from home, I'm having to dress a bit better, be a bit more groomed, and I've lost a stone or so compared to 6 months ago. I've also had a pay bump, and I'm working in a role where I feel like I'm actually achieving something.

So while I know I'm nowhere near as hot as I was two decades ago, I'm looking better than I did six months ago, and that's given me a boost in confidence. Which has made me a bit more naturally outgoing, which means people are responding to me a bit more positively, which reenforces the confidence loop, and now suddenly I'm getting a lot more interest from women.

Which admittedly is annoying DP somewhat!

Don't delude yourself. Women don't fancy tubby fortysomethings.

I reckon they fancy them more than people who bitch about others, so I'd probably do better than you.

Rubbish. I'm not one to whine about men vs women, but one thing is true: a lot of women have an inbuilt fawn response and are pleasant to men who are a bit threatening or entitled towards them, hence unattractive men thinking that they are attractive. Fat middle aged men are no-one's posion, believe me. Unless they are gay bears.

Beauty attracts attention. However, large breasts also attract attention. As do hour glass figures, large bums, lovely hair in a distinctive colour, form fitting clothes, shapely bare legs, confidence, being very smiley and fun, and many other things, none of which require a woman to be beautiful.
If you are genuinely interested in what I'm actually saying on the subject, rather than just wanting to argue with me, then you'll find my views on what leads to a woman being attractive in my first post.
In a nutshell, 'beauty' is not essential. Which doesn't mean that beautiful women don't attract attention, merely that ordinary looking ones can, and do, as well depending on other aspects of their presentation. I really wouldn't have thought that was so controversial!

When I was out with my ex bf got so much male attention because I was so happy being with him I somehow exuded pheromones😂
Now am not with him, not so much….😉

Men go for beautiful women,then they go for whatever's left lying around. It's as simple as that.

Well there's your answer right there- you arent expecting it. Therefore, your body language will reflect this whether you are conscious of it or not.

It's a self fulfilling prophecy. If you feel your sensuality and expect people to find you attractive, they will. Confidence is supremely sexy. To be clear, I am not talking about arrogance as thats unattractive, I am talking about being comfortable in your own skin and comfortable with your sexuality in general

Bloody hell. I'm not talking about women being pleasant to me and me assuming that they fancy me just because they smiled at me when I bought a a sandwich off them.

I got asked out for a drink by a woman who works in the same building as me who I occasionally talk to while waiting for the lift.

I had an ex who randomly got in touch and wanted to meet up after she'd spotted me out and about.

And there is a woman who has apparently started flirting with me in our local. (This one is a grey area. DP reckons she is, but if so I'm oblivious)

I'm not saying I'm out turning the heads of every woman I walk past, but the first one above you've got to give me surely. I'm not sure how I can have construed "Do you fancy getting a drink with me after work on Friday after work?"

I don't know, friendly politeness?

*Well there's your answer right there- you arent expecting it. Therefore, your body langue will reflect this whether you are conscious of it or not.

It's a self fulfilling prophecy. If you feel your sensuality and expect people to find you attractive, they will. Confidence is supremely sexy.*

There we go again with the psychobabble.

I can give you plenty of example when I didn't want or expect attention, but unfortunately got it anyway , as a bog standard and fat girl/woman. But... boobs.