What makes people attractive and others not?

[Beanscene]

Am talking about average looking people here not stunning models. I always hear women complaining about unwanted attention sexually and people who have affairs and have to choose between affair partners and OH. People who have admirers at work etc etc....it seems like your average person gets a lot of sexual attention etc etc. Just to be clear here am not looking as am married (and now old🤣)....but have literally never ever had any attention in my life especially the kind of attention other women talk about. No one has ever given me their number, asked me out, complimented me....wolf whistled etc etc.....i know this is unwanted attention. but I hear about it so often I wonder why I've never received it. I would say am short, thin, not curvy (which prob has a lot to do with it) but facially am not Quasimodo. And have never ever apart from DH had a whiff of attention.

I'm sorry if there's something in your life that has led you to believe you were selected according to that criteria, because being something 'left lying around' can't make you feel good. However, given your spiteful response to PP, I think you're just trying to be cause as much offence as possible right now, and I'm not playing that game with you.

Or ass. Some men are ass men.

Physical looks contribute hugely to initial opinions of people, but then their character tweaks your opinion - up or down - and in the end, it's who they are that contributes most to whether they are 'attractive'. (Also noting that simple physical attraction is different for all of us, so it isn't a case of someome being objectively good looking to everyone around them, or objectively plain).

Oh God, this so much!!! I have met conventionally gorgeous men (and women) at first glance who, as soon as they opened their mouths and out came some hateful or loathsome view and they became immediately unattractive and repulsive.

Equally, I have met guys who I probably wouldnt have looked at twice in the street from a distance fix me with such an engaging gaze, confident charisma and interest that it made me want to rip their clothes off right then and there.

You don't need to feel sorry for me, as I am in category 1, not 2.

Yes, the woman who works in a completely different company, who asked a practical stranger out for a solo drink, just me and her, was just being polite and friendly.

Don't be daft. I know the difference between someone trying to make friends and someone who's after a date.

Ah, one of the fibbers you told us about?😂

No. I am an ex model. I realise that you only have my word for that, but it is the truth. I didn't enjoy it, and it didn't make me secure or happy, but in my early twenties I was very beautiful and very pursued. I am wryly amused that you take more issue with my posts than with @Bobbotgegrinch who claims to be a hotty even though he is a fat middle aged man. I thought that you always believed women and never men? Which is it?

I have large boobs and have always had male attention. It was horrible as I developed when I was 13 and the amount of older guys commenting on it was disgusting. When I was 15 and in my first job a guy in his late 20s would call me Dolly Parton. It’s also hard to find things to wear as lots of clothes that would look normal on someone else look like you’re trying to look tarty when you have large breasts even if you aren’t.

I used to hunch myself over to hide them and wear baggy tops. Thankfully I’ve developed self confidence now and don’t give a crap what anyone else thinks. I love them now

She had a relatively symmetrical, good featured/pretty face.

Also thin, rangy women were fashionable at that time.

She looks like she was elegant & fashionable.

But above all she was clearly very confident. Apparently she did not put the (later) Duke on a pedestal at all, was not remotely over awed or submissive; if she was like that to a prince, imagine what she was like to ordinary men.

Most people find it very attractive and give someone high status when they treat them as ordinary and are not awkward or over awed by them.

Its the Internet. We're all who we say we are, so I neither believe nor disbelieve you. I was just referencing your own view that women who claim they are attractive are deluded liars.
I didn't take issue with the male poster because there was nothing to take issue with. He wasn't rude or offensive, and if he feels his confidence has increased his attractiveness, its not harming anyone is it?
I think you were unnecessarily cruel to him and I dislike unprovoked gratuitous cruelty towards other posters, regardless of their sex or the sex of the person insulting them.
We are all just words on a page on here, what we say we look like is unverifyable, so pretty meaningless.

But above all she was clearly very confident

Same was said about Cleopatra- not a looker by all accounts but oozed charm, charisma and confidence.

Apparently she did not put the (later) Duke on a pedestal at all, was not remotely over awed or submissive; if she was like that to a prince, imagine what she was like to ordinary men

Yes, I think there is something to be said for an assured confidence in your own sexuality but keeping a certain aloofness. It presents a challenge which both infuriates and mystifies people simultaneously. There is nothing more unattractive than neediness and clinginess. A constant need for reassurance is very off-putting. Things that are hard to get have always inspired a chase.

Yes, she was apparently - from whatever real info. is vailable - relatively plain.

But she really knew the value of presentation, drama, presence, charisma etc. Apparently she staged very visually striking spectacles/celebrations around her initial meetings with people of importance.

I think what's significant though, is that it seems like she felt she entitled to/that she justified such spectacles. I suppose it's actually huge ego/self belief. On a very dark note, I think she is believed to have committed sibling murder (indirectly).to ensure she became/stayed queen.

Anyway, I was at uni with a girl who was a small - she would have said flat - chested, quite large framed, pear shaped girl. She had a very pretty face, I would say.

She wore her hair blond, cropped, with a cute retro band, and fairly casual clothes. She is/was extremely outgoing, fun, confident, a bit entitled, and intentionally charming.

She pulled like nobody's business, she pulled constantly, she couldn't walk down the street without pulling. Pretty much every guy who went through our uni house, whether she dated them or not, was "acquired" by her.

Confidence, fun-ness and charm go a long long way.

Confidence, fun-ness and charm go a long long way

It's interesting isnt it? I was watching Basic Instinct the other day (have never seen it before) and of course, Sharon stone is very beautiful but what fascinated me was the way she moved. She moved like a cat- slow, confident, and deliberate without a hint of anxiety, fear, or self consciousness. It's incredibly powerful and attractive. I even think just slowing our movements down can be sexy, it oozes confidence rather than a rushed, anxious, nervous laughter type of presentation.

She was a beauty pageant queen and model before acting, wasn't she.

I suppose that would make you either very confident or good at faking confidence.

I don't think posters are lying saying that they have /had a lot of attention. A lot of people are talking about qualities that make people attractive but it nearly always starts with physical attraction. Dh and myself started by being attracted to one another, got talking, went on a date and discovered we had lots in common, same interests and qualities we liked in the other. That's different to somebody holllering out of a car because you look good. Having said that I think you probably get a lot less of that these days and less wolf whistling.

I wasn't talking about online, though. I meant women whom I actually know who have a case of the Samantha Bricks.

I think @Bobbotgegrinch made a really good point in that we're always most attractive WHEN WE'RE PARTNERED UP OR TOO BUSY and don't actually want it!

Why is this? Confidence I guess?

I'm mainly happy solo/often super focussed on other things.

But I have had periods of my life when I am craving companionship so am like "right right, on with it, let's find a man"

Guess when I get all the really serious, single, available men chasing me.

Guess when I ONLY get the weird blokes or the married guys after me?...

Argh!!!

I think some of us do get a bit drunk on ourselves during our youth and prime but time and wisdom teaches us that actually we were probably just quite average looking. Yes we were probably the best versions of ourselves but you soon come to realise that men were mostly after our fleeting youth not self perceived (by some) supermodel good looks.

I overheard an older woman saying to a young woman (after she said something equally ageist and ignorant) ‘I’ve been you dear but you are yet to be me’ I was also too young to fully grasp what she meant. But boy do I now. Life humbles us all I guess.

I think some of us do get a bit drunk on ourselves during our youth and prime but time and wisdom teaches us that actually we were probably just quite average looking.

Most women I know weren’t necessarily happy to get all the attention. Let’s face it a lot of was negative and annoying!

Thankfully I’ve never relied on external validation so didn’t correlate men going after me to me being attractive but I felt (and still do feel l) beautiful regardless.

Tbh I don’t think much less men approached me in my late teens/ early 20s than my thirties UNTIL I gained weight.

A close friend of mine is a few years older than me well into her 40s and she practically stops traffic. She seems to have a look and figure that a lot of men, of all races /demographics /ages seem to like. I’ve seen young road men to older professional men try and flirt with her or date her.

She happens to be a beautiful person inside too but quite honestly I don’t think what’s Inside is what’s attracting them lol

I dont think it's exactly preposterous that women in their 20s get a lot of male attention. Thats the age when most of us are in our prime- smooth skin, slim and toned, high oestrogen levels meaning we look supple and youthful which is a primal fertility marker and hence attraction.

Obviously, not all of us resemble supermodels (they represent a teeny tiny percentage of the population anyway) but in general, most young women are quite attractive simply because they have youth on their side so its hardly unbelievable that we would get attention at that age, I know I did, and I am certainly no Naomi Campbell or Cindy Crawford. However, I was tall, pretty, and had a slim hourglass figure. There is a huge difference between being "beautiful" and being attractive and you can certainly have one without the other. I think Damien Hurley is a good example of this, I think he has a really beautiful face but I dont find him the least bit attractive whatsoever.

Hm, me in my 20s: acne, weight problem….

Read 'the naked ape' desmond morris

Yes I find it odd how the majority of posters here make out they were traffic stoppers and drop dead gorgeous in youth. Most people are average.

Think about what you find attractive in a man.

I like tall, lean, intelligent, and not flashy. With a dry quick sense of humour. 🙂 Bawdy, noisy, show-offs and bad boys are a complete turn-off for me.

If you didn't get wolf whistled, it just meant the men who were attracted to you were more subtle types, or better mannered.

I am average height, not tall, and I'd have been described as conventionally attractive with long dark hair. Men weren't stampeding past me seeking out tall blonde women. My beautiful SIL was short and dark and an absolute man magnet.

I do agree that shiny long hair preferrably not mousey, is a plus though and some light makeup along with clothes that fit you and suit you, rather than some beige fashion forward linen sack shape will definitely help.

My mother did have a sort of magnetism about her, clothes and long hair aside She had a sort of warmth to her, I guess she had her emotions much closer to the skin and was quite outgoing compared to more reserved me. Even when she was much older men fell over themselves with marriage proposals. My eldest son is very like her and women make absolute fools of themselves over him with no encouragement from him.