What makes people attractive and others not?

[Beanscene]

Am talking about average looking people here not stunning models. I always hear women complaining about unwanted attention sexually and people who have affairs and have to choose between affair partners and OH. People who have admirers at work etc etc....it seems like your average person gets a lot of sexual attention etc etc. Just to be clear here am not looking as am married (and now old🤣)....but have literally never ever had any attention in my life especially the kind of attention other women talk about. No one has ever given me their number, asked me out, complimented me....wolf whistled etc etc.....i know this is unwanted attention. but I hear about it so often I wonder why I've never received it. I would say am short, thin, not curvy (which prob has a lot to do with it) but facially am not Quasimodo. And have never ever apart from DH had a whiff of attention.

Gross 😂

@Disturbia81 lol its my preference and she so happens to be everything that I go for in a woman.

Im sure you have your preferences in men also

Ah this old chestnut! It's got to be the clothes they wear and the tonnes of make up they have on. Can't be because they're actually attractive and have a personality.

No one cares about your girlfriend or your preferences

When men talk badly about glamorous women it's usually because they are bitter they can't attract one.

Its one thing having a preference for a certain asthetic, but your preferences are basically about how a woman best serves you. I assume you mean she is a chef (not senior level police or fire service)? Which isn't about her personality but about how she best meets your needs by cooking, and her love of children and disinterest in a career means you think she'll raise your kids for you without you having to do a lot. Which is all well and good, but she's only 24 with a whole world of options and opportunities ahead. I hope she'd still be 'your type' if one day she decided to spread her wings a little, and if she does and sees what the world has to offer a young woman today, you'll still be her's.

Eye contact and confidence.

I don't usually attract much attention, but one night I just felt on top of the world and I felt really good in myself and how I looked, so I wasn't looking down at the ground when people looked at me (as I usually would), and the attention I got from men that night was unbelievable. Dozens of men came on to me and stopped me to talk to me, most of them very good-looking.

The only difference was in how I behaved and felt, as I was wearing clothes I had worn before, etc.

I agree it's confidence. You see it a lot on here that when a woman needs support the man in her life jumps ship. After having a baby, if they get sick and when someone dies...if the woman even slightly "drops the ball" or has a weak moment, the men will run a mile. They want a strong mum basically.

Looks wise it really doesn't matter. My best friend was so depressed she didn't even wash or shave for a very long time and she assured me she was getting regular visits from men on Tinder.

I don’t know, OP, and I wish I did; from the age of 9 onwards, I have been on the receiving end of over the top, way too much attention from men - and I have tried to become invisible, and it just made it worse.
I do not understand it. It has made my life a living hell.

sometimes I think the predator types can sense when someone is afraid or quite damaged, and THAT is what draws them. I have had years and years of therapy, and the ptsd is now more manageable. In my 50’s I am finally getting to the point where I can leave the house and go to work or go to the store without being in a state of heart-pounding, hands shaking levels of fear, but it’s taken a lot of work.

so others have said it’s “confidence” that draws attention- I’d say the opposite, it’s vulnerability. Look at Marilyn Monroe: there is something terribly fragile and broken about her- something In her eyes.

and so I’d also go on to say: if you didn’t have the kind of attention I’m talking about, and you found a good husband, oh, lucky, lucky you.

it’s a mystery I wish I could solve.

and yes, the unwanted attention is still happening, and I am 51 years old. :(

the only information I have from men is: curves. The way I move. “Unconsciously sexy.” (FUCK THAT for a really horrible way to excuse bad behavior toward someone!)
“innocent” “fragile”, and “when you’re happy, you light up, and every man in the room wants to help you and own you.”

fuck that, as well! It’s awful and a nightmare to be seen as some kind of helpless breeding doll.

I have, as a result, sworn off relationships, and labeled myself asexual so people will leave me alone.

Fucking hell. The 1950s called they want their attitude back! Bake and cook? Petite? My jaw on the floor reading this until you revealed yourself as a man. Typical. Sexist. Do one off this thread.

Yep. This is EXACTLY what I’m talking about.
if they only knew how murderous their regard makes me. If they only knew the absolute hatred I feel when they tell me I am sweet.
fucking vile.
these kinds of men see someone who looks “innocent”, and they feel superior.
they feel safe with a “mothering” type.
because of these men and the way they’ve hunted me all my life, I have cut my hair short, and I’m going to be investing in tattoos. Many fucking tattoos- just to keep them AWAY.

trust me, OP, you don’t want this kind of attention.

This is the other thing - some men want weak prey others want a mum. Often I think they swing between wanting both and veer from one to another.

I think a lot of men also want a wannabe porn star!

I got dumped once because “the sex wasn’t adventurous enough”

@5128gap she wont raise my kids, We will raise our kids together and help each other out. Lol yeah shes a great cook/bake but I can cook for myself also and when we do live together I have told her that we can take turns on who does the cooking.

Its funny how many of you women seem to think that my GF is "weak" just because she wants to be a mother (she told me this) and isnt one of these women who sleeps around and chases a degree which then end up in debt.

A lot of you women really dont understand what men actually find attractive do you? Because we will say things like "We dont want women who have slept around" but instead of trying to make yourself more attractive you'll just call a man "A sexist" for having preferences.

Im tall, athletic, Very hygenic, I use skincare products, I aint a drug or porn addict, I've never been to a strip club and I've never slept with a prostitute, career driven, have a good bit of money saved so me and my GF wont struggle financially. Guess what? The men like me dont want sluts, we dont want masculine women, we dont want to raise another mans child.

In fact thank fuck im off the dating market because most girls my age are just shit and aint worth it.

@Newnamehiwhodis well go date a woman then

For me, it’s the vibe I get when I chat with someone. It’s not rationale, it’s not definable, but I can feel it.

With all due respect (which tbh, isnt much) you are a man in his 20s with the attitude of a particularly regressive octogenarian from a town the modern world passed by. So, id be surprised if many of the women on here care what men like you find attractive. In fact the only interest most of us would have in your preferences would be largely centred around thanking our stars we are not it.

A lot of you women really dont understand what men actually find attractive do you? Because we will say things like "We dont want women who have slept around

Only very insecure men who are crap at chatting up women say things like this... men who are good at talking to women, are confident and get a lot of female attention don't even think about it really.

This is so true. I'd much rather a funny person than a dull, attractive one. Looks fade but a sense of humour is for life.

And yes I do know that attractive, funny people also exist.

This is so true. I'd much rather a funny person than a dull, attractive one. Looks fade but a sense of humour is for life.
**
And yes I do know that attractive, funny people also exist.”

Absolutely this. My whip smart husband is pretty useless physically. Makes me gutterally laugh daily. He’s life enhancing.

I was an attractive young woman but still taken aback when I was asked out at a party by a male model.
I accepted out of gobsmacking gratitude. Couldn’t believe that such a beautiful person would be interested in me!
I told him after two dates that it wasn’t working. He literally couldn’t walk past a shop window without checking himself out 🤣.

Ah here comes the slut shaming.

Career driven but doesn't understand how to use grammar or punctuation. Doesn't want his girlfriend to have a degree.

You sound such a catch, even if you're tall, atheltic and use skin care products.

So what you wanted was an inexperienced, uneducated girl.

Gee. What a surprise.

Yuk! A million times yuk! Incel alert!

@Disturbia81

No of course it's not just physical. That's why I said that looks alone aren't enough. They are an important component in attraction though, at least to me.

Flipping it around, I couldn't be with someone who I wasn't physically attracted to, however amazing their personality is.

I have a couple of lovely male friends, who are clever, funny, and have great personalities. We click, and I love spending time with them, but I couldn't be in a relationship with them because the physical attraction just isn't there. I have thought about it before, because they are great in every other respect, but when it came down to it, I just couldn't do the physical intimacy stuff, not even kissing.

Some woman can overlook physical attractiveness, and that's great for them as they probably end up with a much better choice in partners, but I just can't do that.

I know it sounds really awful, but for me, any kind of intimacy with someone that I don't find physically attractive, gives me an automatic disgust reaction. I'm willing to accept that I might be unusual in this, as I tend to have a strong disgust reaction to all sorts of things (not just person related!).