What makes people attractive and others not?

[Beanscene]

Am talking about average looking people here not stunning models. I always hear women complaining about unwanted attention sexually and people who have affairs and have to choose between affair partners and OH. People who have admirers at work etc etc....it seems like your average person gets a lot of sexual attention etc etc. Just to be clear here am not looking as am married (and now old🤣)....but have literally never ever had any attention in my life especially the kind of attention other women talk about. No one has ever given me their number, asked me out, complimented me....wolf whistled etc etc.....i know this is unwanted attention. but I hear about it so often I wonder why I've never received it. I would say am short, thin, not curvy (which prob has a lot to do with it) but facially am not Quasimodo. And have never ever apart from DH had a whiff of attention.

Thanks everyone, I would say am short thin (petite) with longish collar length brown hair. Clothes are usually form fitting.

I have big boobs, some of the attention when younger was absolutely vile and degrading, I had the balls to bite back though (think pints poured over their head, a quick tap on their chin so they were looking at my face). Being treated like public property was humiliating. That was only a handful most weren't like that and thankfully it's frowned upon these days.

But other than that, I've always got attention when I'm happy and confident and comfortable with myself.

Personality and confidence are a major pull.

How can you be very confidence though. I know it is a big topic, but please share your thoughts as of how to enhance it for dating... Thank you.

I would say a nice smile and friendly approachable nature would make someone attractive. Also, a good sense of humour. Someone who takes care of themself - clean clothes, smells nice, hair coloured.

1. Concerning yourself more with what you think of them rather than focusing on what they think of you. Too many of us obsessively ruminate over what other people think of us and dont actually examine what we think of them. This is so important- you could be spending years of your life with this person, what you think of them and the way they treat others is imperative
2. Having water tight boundaries so if you get even a whiff of a red flag you block and move on
3. Dont invest more in them than they are investing in you
4. Know your worth- better to be single than feel alone with someone who treats you poorly
5. Confident body language helps you actually feel confident - google this
6. Always be prepared to walk away- if the way someone is treating you doesnt sit right with you and you have communicated this to them and it doesnt change then walk away. The ability to do this is very powerful and you always have other options
7. Check out Matthew Hussey on YouTube - he has great dating advice
8. Dont abandon other areas of your life- dating is great but self care and seeing friends is part of enriching your life as it is, so that dating doesnt become the be all and end all or the sole barometer of your worth

Some women who I wouldn't say are in my opinion particularly attractive (I don't mean that in a bad way) are man magnets so I as a woman don't know what men find attractive. It might be vibe they are giving off.

I have been called pretty beautiful etc and have had male attention even now near 50 I know that sounds big headed but I don't think I am, mainly I hate what I see in the mirror and sometimes I think I'm ugly and other times I think I'm alright but nothing special.
I do however think I am friendly and outgoing so maybe that has a lot to do with it.

Friendly, outgoing and confident people aren't just magnets to men, they are magnets to people in general- so women, families, little kids like them too!

As for what's attractive on the surface, our society teaches what is considered 'attractive' from a young age, and then we are cued in to respond to that, men too, and so if you give off the signals and cues that say 'I'm attractive' then a lot of men will just respond to that without thinking do I really fancy this person...

This is why I did lose some respect for men by about 25, as I realised it was a bit of a game.

I don't agree that only young people are attractive though, young people are attractive in a youthful gorgeous way, to each other and looks matter a lot at that age. As you age, you can be attractive in a different way- and as I say, may attract both men and women, women who are attractive tend to have quite a lot of friends IMO, probably because everyone is attracted to nice-looking friendly outgoing people. That doesn't mean everyone like that is a nice person, I've known plenty of 'attractive' people who don't have much going for them personality-wise and aren't great people, but people are still attracted to them (see Queen Bee types).

@silverfullmoon Wish I've known these points earlier.

Yeah I look at myself and some I know and we all look better in our 40s. I've actually thrown away most of my teen pics as I look awful

I've got better with age, I wasn't a particularly attractive teenager (glasses, mono brow, puffy hair as I brushed my curls out and train tracks), throw in 90s alternative fashion and I was fugly.

So yeah i think i look so much better at 46. I'm also a lot more confident and comfortable with who I am which probably attracts people.

Confidence. When you’re smart, fun, know your worth and quite frankly don’t give a damn who’s watching, yet you’re approachable, can read a room well and you’re charming just for fun, expecting nothing in return.

For me, physical attraction is essential, but not enough on its own. There has to be something else that attracts you to the person, whether it's intelligence, wit, shared interests etc.

Interestingly, I know of two very attractive men who appear not to like physically attractive women. Both have fairly unattractive long term partners and I've heard both make derogatory comments about attractive women (along the lines of, well she's only popular because she's pretty etc)

I'm unsure whether these men are rebelling against conventional attractiveness and are truly happy with their partners, or whether they say these things because they feel bitter that their partners aren't more attractive.

I'd agree with pp as it's confidence, not necessarily being in your face, but a contentment. I know several super hot women who always get attention but purely superficially and no one wanting more than sex.

It's not just about physical is it? Look at all the women with unattractive men. These men you mention aren't motivated by having trophy wives and that's a good thing. And the more normal option surely.
I can't imagine being with someone based on looks. It's the personality and chemistry that make someone physically attractive, the same looking person would be ugly if their personality was.

I would say am short, thin, not curvy (which prob has a lot to do with it)

Well, those are precisely the factors that would make a woman attractive to me. Short: I'm 5'7" so I prefer a shorter lady. Thin: I'm light built so I prefer a slimmer lady. Not curvy: I prefer a woman with bits that are in proportion to all the other bits so I'd take a slim/athletic physique over big boobs, big bums and curves, etc. every day. I think there's someone for everyone.

I would say am short thin (petite) with longish collar length brown hair. Clothes are usually form fitting.

Yep, exactly my type, at least in terms of appearance.

Maybe you haven't had the attention because confident males who approach women go for stereotypical big boob types and quiet, thoughtful males, who are more likely to find you attractive, are too shy. That would certainly apply to me.

Robert Winston did an experiment to demonstrate that.

Agree with @Disturbia81 , my ex is very stereotypically handsome, yet an abusive man. Friends who didnt know what was going on, used to say how lucky i was to have him. Id take kindness any day now

Having something unique to you often helps. I wear bright red lipstick and a large cap, while my friend spots funky sunglasses with a sill scarf.

Being charismatic makes someone attractive.

I think it's confidence and body language

Petite/hourglass figure, an excellent bake and cook, hardly wears makeup and doesnt wear fake tan (natural looking), thick wavy hair, doesnt have a history of sleeping around, doesnt be on her phone all the time, kind, feminine, wants to be a mother and doesnt watch any crap TV shows like love island.

Lol thats what attracts me to women and lucky for me thats my GF 😍

Although I was a virgin up until 25 (and my GF was a virgin up until 24) so we lost ours together which was very special for us, before her I never got any attention from women Despite being tall, athletic, always tries to look my best, dont do drugs, have a good career ect. I think its because I have always been quiet/introverted, I know of short fat men with bad teeth who have slept with lots of women because they are outgoing and extroverted with good social skills. I think men cant rely on looks alone while women can (although as beautiful as my GF is Im defiantly not with her just cause of her looks)

But then even when I was single and struggling I always had my preferences in women so I wasnt going to date/sleep with someone who i aint attracted to. I have always liked petite/slim women or average although I also think some women look very well chubby, I have always been turned off by women who have slept around because I have never been into the idea of sleeping around myself and lucky for me I found myself a virgin so it wasnt as awkward when we did it, my GF also said that she couldnt date a man who has slept with many women. Women who are very good around kids are super attractive to me and I have always went for girls who want to be mothers more than CEO's of companies or who are career driven. My GF is a qualified chief which is way more attractive to me than a girl with a degree and I think most men would agree

I am the same. I consider myself to be plain looking. I don’t get asked for my number or wolf whistled by men either. I have got used to it over the years. The only men who approach me are those who want directions to somewhere or wonder when the next train is. I am also an introvert. However I am sure there are women out there who constantly get male attention although I don’t know any personally.

Thanks for that, Mr Bean 😂😂😂😂😂

@Jessica356 just because you dont get wolf whistled by men or dont get men giving you thier phone number doesnt mean your not attractive. Most men dont wolf whistle at women (I never have myself) and some men dont approach women because they are shy, dont want to be accused of something, already have GFs etc.

My GF is very beautiful looking (has an hourglass figure, clear skin, very thick wavy hair, she gets compliments all the time from women) but she told me that she has never really got any compliments by men and never got approached. She is the type of girl who isnt really into wearing makeup or wearing revealing clothes (its her preference). Usually girls who get attention are the ones who look for it by wearing tons of makeup, wearing tight clothing or showing lots of skin etc.