What makes people attractive and others not?

[Beanscene]

Am talking about average looking people here not stunning models. I always hear women complaining about unwanted attention sexually and people who have affairs and have to choose between affair partners and OH. People who have admirers at work etc etc....it seems like your average person gets a lot of sexual attention etc etc. Just to be clear here am not looking as am married (and now old🤣)....but have literally never ever had any attention in my life especially the kind of attention other women talk about. No one has ever given me their number, asked me out, complimented me....wolf whistled etc etc.....i know this is unwanted attention. but I hear about it so often I wonder why I've never received it. I would say am short, thin, not curvy (which prob has a lot to do with it) but facially am not Quasimodo. And have never ever apart from DH had a whiff of attention.

This is true. They notice only if the hair looks nice in accordance with their preference. Almost every very blonde woman has dyed hair, but men don't hate blondes.
I think there's lots of things women think men like or dislike that I personally don't think many even register. I've never known any woman enjoy more or less attention dependent on whether her nails are done, or as a pp mentioned, whether her dress is designer, or that MN favourite 'well ironed'!
Similarly men allegedly hating anything 'false and fake' when in reality, if its subtle they know no different and even if its not...well contrary to MN lore, young women with hair extensions, fake tans, lip filler (unless extreme) and false eyelashes never seem to lack for male company in my observation.

I have been wolf whistled after many times in my life, asked out repeatedly, had men call after me, beep cars at me and so on even when I was with dh. I was young, attractive and had a great figure, good hair etc - which i didn't appreciate at the time. I am not overly confident and very choosey - despite all the attention dh has been my one and only. We fell in love on the spot. I do think many women experience an element of this in their life. I'm older now but despite difficulties still try to make the best of myself but don't expect (or want!) wolf whistles nowadays!

Some people who claim to be very attractive and have men pestering them all the time are lying. I have known several women like that, who were very average and yet thought that they were sex goddesses. There's nothing wrong with you, you're just not delusional.

I think some people give off an ‘available’ vibe and they get attention. Others give off a completely unavailable vibe and don’t get attention.
When I was single many moons ago I could flirt for England and always got hit on. Since I met my husband nearly 40 years ago now, nothing, nada! Certainly for the first few years of marriage I was just as attractive so it must have been the fact that I was taken

You are so right about the available vibe. Also, some very beautiful women don't get all that much attention, because men assume that they're out of their league. Those women may get more attention from creeps and chancers, but not so much from ordinary men.

I think people (male and female) who are seeking sex and flirtation tend to exude a certain sexiness in their manner, that attracts others who want sex too. The way they move and hold themselves is slightly flirtatious. They stand and walk in ways that show off their bodies.

I have known women who can go out with bad hair and dressed in a tracksuit, but they walk and look at others and hold eye contact and so on in a way that signals an openness to flirtation and (at least possibly) sex.

I have known classically beautiful, very well dressed women who get no sexual attention because they simply aren't looking for it, and both conscious and subconscious body language shows this.

Seriously. I am a case in point. I am perfectly ok looking, nicish figure, inoffensive face, not especially well dressed with little makeup. In the periods of my life when I am fully settled and happy with a partner (like now) I literally get no interest.

When I am single and looking I get chatted up reasonably regularly, certainly in pubs and nights out, and even sometimes at more neutral places like a museum or on the bus.

Because I am looking for sex in those times (and yes more than that, love and romance too ideally, but I am quite into sex itself too) and I show it at those times. Both deliberately to an extent (I keep my eyes open for possible likely attractive people) and also subconsciously I suspect.

OP if you are happy and content with your partner, I suspect the way you move, look at people, talk to them etc, demonstrates that on loads of levels. So people don't try with you because you signal that there would be no point.

It is entirely and wholly one thing: confidence.

The pure, easy-going, nonchalant, happy way of being, that you only get from people in a genuinely happy place. They are magnetic. It does not matter what you look like, AT ALL, if you have confidence. People are drawn to it like a moth to a flame.

I didn't know it until I KNEW it, and now I know it, it all makes sense.

If you're a woman you probably just haven't noticed men being attracted to you.

I'm told I'm pretty, but never get attention.
I think I give off geek vibes and the (correct) impression that I'm SO not interested and a bit up myself!!

"What makes people attractive and others not?"

Different personalities, body language and pheromones.

I don't think I've ever met a woman who 'claims' to be very attractive. It's not really something one can lie about is it when you can see them for yourself? If women are getting pestered who you don't think are attractive enough to warrant it, I think its far more likely you are misjudging men's tastes and under estimating the male propensity to make a nuisance of themselves than that the women are lying to you.

These are women who are lying to themselves, who see normal politeness and friendliness as flirting. I've known one or two men do it, as well. It happens.

Natural cofindence not faking it for show either
Good sense of humour
Likeable quirkiness features or attitudes or ways of doing 🤔 things can be too

Reasonably intelligent not a know all smugness though,
Masquerading as something else

Lovely eyes too
Sense of warmth lovely smile or laugh

Engaging good interpersonal skills

Perhaps. But there are still countless average looking women who regularly experience attention that can't be misconstrued, being asked out in the street, commented on and so forth. The OP is asking what it is that causes this to be the case for some ordinary women not others. I think there are a number of things as have been discussed on the thread. I don't think lying because they're deluded is a significant factor. I've seen lots of average looking women get a lot of attention, so it definitely happens.

It is a more significant factor than you will allow. I have known plenty of delusional people who inflate their own attractiveness and see any form of attention as proof that they are amazing.

Always loved this from The Twits:

@Beanscene

I think 🤔 this a question infamous daily mail newspaper article on her Samatha Brick from could answer better well maybe,
than myself,
L.o.l 😂

I'm sure you have attracted people in the past and even now - sometimes it's just not obvious as not all people like to broadcast if they like someone and the signs can be subtle. For me it's not just about physical looks, if someone is kind and a good listener that makes them super attractive

That's exactly the sort of person I meant, and that @5128gap said doesn't exist. They do, I have know several women and a couple of men like that. It is entirely exhausting.

Clearly we move in different circles of women then. The women I know and have known are for the most part far more likely to under rate their looks than over inflate them.
They don't see attention from men as desirable or something to boast about, it's simply a fact of existence that starts in puberty, and is often unwelcome and a nuisance. So every day is it, it barely warrants a mention unless its particularly offensive.
There's women on this thread who have told us of comments they've received all their lives about their breasts. Are they deluded? Hearing things? Lying?
If your circle consists of the type of women who see male attention as so desirable they need to delude themselves they are receiving it, then I'd say you were unusual, and its a barometer of the values of your peers but not women in general.

I have had a man knock at my door when I was a nanny, asked for my number in a restaurant, asked out at work. Asked for my number in a pub. All when younger About 3 years ago stopped in the street! I have also had a stalker !! No idea why at all. None overweight and I feel look like a man !!

I'm not really unusual. Women's appearance and attractiveness has been our currency since time immemorial, of course it is central to our idea of themselves. Sometimes 'self deprecation' can be more like humble bragging, but you seem to be a little naive to that and take what women say at face value, rather than appreciate the way in which we establish pecking orders and our forms of double speak.

I am an absolute minger and I don't even have that "nice smile" people always cite, but I carry myself with confidence, I see the funny side of life, I'm interested in other people and I can hold an intelligent conversation. I've had plenty of insults about my looks over the years but I've also had what might be considered a surprising amount of male attention given my facial appearance. Also - and this may be somewhat niche - I follow a male-dominated sport and can talk knowledgeably about it, and for some reason a small number of the men I meet in the process seem to find this firstly surprising and then borderline irresistible.

(I don't include the wolf whistles and catcalls of my youth; any woman who has made her distaste for that kind of attention clear at the time will know that that has nothing to do with whether men see you as attractive and everything to do with them wanting you to feel uncomfortable in a public place, and/or exerting what little dregs of powers they can summon up. You go from being a "sexy darling" to an "ugly dyke" in a nanosecond.)

I think most men prefer curves and boobs to be honest.