**Partner (M40) masturbates all hours and wakes me (f35) up**

[Bathmonkey]

Partner (M40) masturbates all hours and wakes me (f35) up
So we moved in together a few months ago and I slept really badly because I was being woken up in the night and early in the morning by partner playing with himself. I asked if he wanted more sex, which he says he doesn't. I do want more (2-3 times a week isn't enough) but I get exhausted easily (health condition) and can struggle with pain so want to have sex before 10pm which is when I'm too tired as we have to get up early for work the next day. He doesn't like morning sex (when I have more energy) because then he's too tired for work. On the nights that we don't have sex he waits until I'm asleep (probably snoring) and masturbates which wakes me. When I stir (stop snoring or move) he stops and waits and looks over his shoulder to check I'm asleep. This cycle can carry on for a good hour or so, stopping and starting. It got so disruptive to my sleep that I moved out to another room. I miss my partner. I miss sex. I feel like we're drifting apart. I now knock when I go to hug him in the mornings as I don't want to walk in on him having his private time. He acts really sheepish if I don't knock. Is this something that I just have to live with?

[TwilightSkies]

Ew. Move back out!

[toomuchfaster]

@TwilightSkies

Ew. Move back out!

This!!!

[BebyDuc]

Tell him to go to the bathroom.

That's so weird. It's like he's getting off on it

[Bearpawk]

This is so depressing

[Passwordsffs]

@TwilightSkies

Ew. Move back out!

Absolutely this ☝️

[gingerspice27]

You do know this isn't normal right!!??

[StopStartStop]

Move out. He's in love with his hand, not you.

[AGodawfulsmallaffair]

Jesus that’s fucking vile. I wouldn’t touch him with a barge pole.

[surlycurly]

My ex was like this. It went on for years. Eventually our sex life ground to halt and he was only masturbating rather than have sex with me. It was a really significant part of my decision to leave him. I felt rejected but also disrespected as I asked him to stop disturbing my sleep all the time. He continued to do it. He's probably still wanking alone somewhere now.

[lovehatelovehate]

Have you been together long? No kids? I would cut your losses, this is vile

[AE9766]

Nobody needs to wank this much, and they especially shouldn’t be doing it if they’re in a relationship. That’s disgusting. I’d leave him.

[Bathmonkey]

I've asked him to go to the bathroom but he doesn't most of the time. We've been together 3 years, moved in together for 6 months. Leaving isn't an option

[Nousernamesleftatall]

Why is leaving not an option?

That would give me the serious ick. No way back from that I am afraid. Gross.

[Bathmonkey]

I know!! It's so weird!!!!

[Bathmonkey]

Leaving isn't an option because I love him, he's kind, sweet, helps me when I'm feeling rubbish with my health, he's affectionate and just so loving. It's just this that's an issue

[UnbelievableLie]

If leaving isn't an option what else do you want from this thread? You've asked him to stop and he ignored you. This isn't going to magically fix itself, is it? So put up with it or get some better standards.

[Waitingfordoggo]

If you won’t leave it looks like you’ll have to put up with it. I wouldn’t.

[Georgie743]

its so bloody depressing reading the lows so many women will put up with.

"is this something I have to live with?"

of course it's bloody not! You have choices!! You are not a tree, you can move away.

to say leaving is not an option is bloody ridiculous. You don't even have kids together so it's not like you're considering breaking up a family.

he's kind and sweet? Really? Kind partners usually don't repeatedly disturb their partners sleep and certainly don't ignore requests for basic standards such as 'please knock one out in the bathroom'

his actions are screaming that he would much rather have a tug than be intimate with you, and that he doesn't care at all about your sleep.

(And I'm all for people in relationships being able to masturbate when they like, but not at the expense of their sex life with their partner and their partners sleep and happiness)

really OP - is this the standard you're willing to accept?

[MrsElijahMikaelson1]

I’m afraid my vagina would shut permanently-that has given me the ick just thinking about it

[Georgie743]

Also OP doesn't your fanny shrivel shut at this man who doesn't give a crap about your basic needs such as sleep?! I can't imagine getting aroused by someone who clearly has such a low opinion of me.

[SamW98]

@Georgie743

Was just about to post but you’ve said it all for me.

He's showing you this is who he is and what he does - it’s grim as fuck and it’s him saying his needs more important than yours, he’s not willing to compromise and he has no respect for your boundaries.

You don’t have to put up with it but you’re choosing to because ‘he’s sweet’

Good luck to you then, I’ve got a feeling you’re going to need it.

[paisley256]

Is there porn involved too?

[SleepyRooster]

It's deeply unappealing that he has no control. That he behaves like a 14 y/o boy. Does he seriously not think this is an issue he needs to address? It's not civilised

[FairyMaclary]

Love isn’t enough to make a relationship work.

[Nonewclothes2024]

@Bathmonkey

Leaving isn't an option because I love him, he's kind, sweet, helps me when I'm feeling rubbish with my health, he's affectionate and just so loving. It's just this that's an issue

He's not kind and sweet if he's waking you up regularly, and not showing you any respect.