**Partner (M40) masturbates all hours and wakes me (f35) up**

[Bathmonkey]

Partner (M40) masturbates all hours and wakes me (f35) up
So we moved in together a few months ago and I slept really badly because I was being woken up in the night and early in the morning by partner playing with himself. I asked if he wanted more sex, which he says he doesn't. I do want more (2-3 times a week isn't enough) but I get exhausted easily (health condition) and can struggle with pain so want to have sex before 10pm which is when I'm too tired as we have to get up early for work the next day. He doesn't like morning sex (when I have more energy) because then he's too tired for work. On the nights that we don't have sex he waits until I'm asleep (probably snoring) and masturbates which wakes me. When I stir (stop snoring or move) he stops and waits and looks over his shoulder to check I'm asleep. This cycle can carry on for a good hour or so, stopping and starting. It got so disruptive to my sleep that I moved out to another room. I miss my partner. I miss sex. I feel like we're drifting apart. I now knock when I go to hug him in the mornings as I don't want to walk in on him having his private time. He acts really sheepish if I don't knock. Is this something that I just have to live with?

He’s not ‘….kind and sweet…’ ffs, he’s selfish, ignorant and revolting.

Does he know you left the bedroom because of his wanking? And that doesn't bother him?

If you won't leave and he has no intention of change, then welcome to the rest of your life.

Yes usually. I did ask him not to look at Instagram girls while I'm asleep next to him and he has stopped that, which is why I'm hoping by me instigating more often to show him that the real thing is better than his hand will help. Just venting really to see if this is normal and it's clearly not! Ugh

He also shakes in his sleep hourly so that's an issue but he's going to the doctors about that for tests

This is one of the grimmest things I’ve read on here in a while. How can he be kind/sweet etc if he does this to you? You deserve someone better than that.

He’s also controlling and abusive. It’s hard to hear but you need to raise your bar

How can you say he is kind when he is literally looking at other women whilst lying next to you in bed!? This is insane how can you think this is normal. Please don’t just accept this. He is walking all over you because you are letting him.

Op if this is what it’s like after 6 months living together get rid. You are flogging a dead horse.

Does he change his own wanky bed sheets etc? Or does he expect you to knock and then make his bed and do his washing? While he secretly wanks himself silly over porn like a 14 year old.

His main relationship is with his hand and the porn he's watching. Just cos he's sometimes sweet when you're ill doesn't make up for the fact that he's being hugely disrespectful to you. You deserve so so much more than this.

You are seriously delusional if you think this boyfriend is kind and sweet. It is so depressing reading about women putting up with these boyfriends they haven't known 5 minutes and not only putting up with it but making excuses for them and bowing and scraping for fear of upsetting the MAN (my caps).

But, I am very old and I would have hoped by now women wouldn't put up with this shit from boyfriends they live with and even husbands nowadays.

Goodness me your boyfriend is gross.

@Azerothi

Absolutely agree. I’m old as well and I’m shocked that so many women in the 21st century still put up with abusive, controlling and frankly disgusting treatment just for sake of having a man in their bed.

Thread after thread asking ‘is this normal’ then listing absolutely grim repulsive behaviour and always followed by ‘but I love him and he’s good with the kids’

I feel women have gone backwards as far as being handmaidens is concerned. I’d rather be single for the rest of my life than tolerate this sort of BS.

All of this x 2. Masturbating is part of a healthy sex life but not when it's at the expense of others.

There shouldn't be awkwardness about it.

Why had he turned down more sex in favour of his right hand? It's downright weird. And yes, occasionally, it's easier and sometimes less hassle to have a self quickie, but it sounds like his masturbation is very habitual. Habits can be hard to break away from, and he doesn't sound like he wants that to change.

You can leave if you choose to. It's easier to do it sooner rather than later before your life becomes more enmeshed.

He may appear to be loving, caring, and respectful. But what he's doing shows a distinct lack of respect for you and your well-being. Interrupted sleep will have a long-term negative impact on you. You've already had to move bed rooms, he has chosen to masturbate over spending the night with you.

If you put up with this, over time, it will eat away at your self-confidence, self-worth, personal boundaries, and self-respect. Is it still worth staying together, knowing that?

You've had to ask him to not look at women on Instagram when he lays next to you? So he's preparing for his nightly wank while you're dropping off. Nice.

I really hope this is a joke.

So you want to know if this is something you just have to put up with, yet leaving isn't an option? Well, yes, if that's the case, you've answered your own question!
I think you'd be better off with a live in carer than the boyfriend you're with now. Because it sounds like your compensating his behaviour, due to the fact he's 'great' when you're ill!!!
He has a problem, he needs to sort that out before being in a solid relationship.
Honestly, I can't understand how you can't see how wrong him replacing you with his hand is! And the more he wanks, the less likely he is to be satisfied by full penetrative sex!
I'd look at leaving if it were me, but we're not all the same! Good luck!

I'm hoping by me instigating more often to show him that the real thing is better than his hand will help.

This isn't a problem for you to solve! He's literally demonstrating to you that he prefers wanking to the real thing. Why are you doing the pick me dance, you'll never win this one. And I hate to say it, but as you get older, saggier and wrinklier, he'll have less and less sex with you.

I can't believe how disrespectful he is being.

The fact that this is so compulsive would give me the ick. Sounds bizarre, but if you are truly inclined to stay with him then would single beds pushed together in lieu of a double work? Then the mattress and bedding won’t move and disturb you but you are still together. My DH and I had this set up on holiday once and although prolific wanking isn’t a thing for us it’s the best I ever slept. Also earplugs and eye mask. Good luck to you. I hope that he doesn’t get RSI.

He prefers porn and his hand to having sex with a live, willing and loving partner.

He knowingly disturbs your sleep to the point you now have different bedrooms.

Neither is normal. Neither is respectful. Get some self respect back and move out and don't accept this kind of behaviour from anyone again.

not sure why people are saying masturbation is vile. Allllllll men do it!
if the partner is too tired i really don't see a problem but he should be in another room not waking you up. i don't think this is a massive issue he just needs to stop doing it next to you and you need to communicate your needs.

It's revolting

This x 1000000000000000000000

He doesn't like morning sex (when I have more energy) because then he's too tired for work.

Is this really a thing? For a 40yo male? I'm not being snarky - just surprised. 🌹

I almost agree with you, but it's the pure lack of respect that's gross. Then the "nice kind loving guy" thoughtfully stopped looking at Instagram girls to get off? No, it's crossing the line of being a selfish moron who is more in love with his hand than his partner. Also, he clearly doesn't really care if he doesn't mind sleeping in separate rooms, that's not a relationship, it's fwb.

This would clamp my vagina up forever.

Honestly it's disgusting.

I'd finish with him 100%.

I'm with @Azerothi and @SamW98

So depressing. Thirty years ago I had friends who were of the opinion that a man, any man, is better than no man at all. Seems things haven't changed much.
I bang on at my girls that it doesn't mean you're some sad lonely singleton if you wait longer for the decent guy to come along, and with good reason judging by these kind of threads.

Who is saying masturbation is vile? No one is that I can see. Its the disrespect of her boundaries and refusal to move to another room when asked that people are commenting on and yes that behaviour is vile